Ashes 2009 - The (long and winding) road to glory

What ho, people? Here at cricketwithballs we like to bring you the news when it's hot and fresh, to be consumed immediately, and absolutely nothing is ever done at the last minute. So, Ashes 2009 coverage starts NOW RIGHT NOW; the (metaphorical) plane (metaphorically) carrying the Ashes is cleared for (metaphorical) departure from Australia, and I'll be keeping an eye out for any and every piece of Ashes 2009 related ephemera from now onwards as the Ashes begin their (metaphorical) journey from Australia to England. Watch as I milk the Extended Metaphor Potential (EMP) of the Ashes journey across the world for all it's worth! Gasp as the Ashes get temporarily held up in Customs! You'll be on the edge of your seats as we find out whether or not the Ashes have been denied entry to the country!
The Ashes itinerary has been announced, and there will be seven (count 'em) one-dayers as well as the five tests. Quite why seven one dayers are needed is beyond me, and it's not as if there won't be any other limited overs international cricket in England next year. Plus, if 50-over cricket were a handbag it would be last year's Anya Hindmarch "I'm Not A Plastic Bag" (yes, I just bagged/handbagged 50-over cricket). The Australian squad will arrive probably at the end of May, before the World Twenty20, and stay until 21 September. That's a long time. I'm sure I'll be sick of the sight of Matthew Hayden by the end of, oh, the warm up game.
Things Australia almost have time to do when they are here:
father a child and attend the birth.design and self-build a house, allow the market to go through two complete cycles, sell it at the end of the tour, will they have made or lost money? who knows! take singing lessons and put on a fully staged performance of Billy Budd.shed their accents entirely.plant a tree, let it bear fruit, pluck said fruit, try to take it back to Australia, have it confiscated on the plane.

Things Australia will not have time to do when they are here:

Be reunited with baggage inevitably lost at Heathrow Terminal 5....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"