CAT TOWN - the cricket episode

This episode of Cricketwithballs is an insight into some of England's best known cricketers, and is brought to you in the style of CATTOWN.

I think you will agree that this update is written with even more of the gravitas and depth that you have come to expect from me.

If you haven't checked out Cattown before, you should go take a look IMMEDIATELY. You would have to have a heart made out of the coldest, blackest anthracite not to laugh. Although my sister's reaction was "what is wrong with these cats? Why do so many of them have no ears? This is horrible".

CHARACTERS:

Paul Collingwood:

Rob Key:

Ryan Sidebottom:

THE EPISODE

RYAN
I FEEL BETTER AND WANNA PLAY THE ODI'S

KEY
DON’T BOTHER ME, I AM BUSY IGNORING WISDEN BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKED AGAIN.
ALSO I AM CROSS ABOUT THE FP TROPHY
ALSO THERE SHOULDN'T BE AN APOSTROPHE IN ODIS

RYAN
SUCH APOSTROPHE USAGE IS IN FACT ACCEPTABLE WHEN WRITING IN CAPITALS AS I AM DOING AT THE MOMENT

COLLINGWOOD
HELLO, I AM GINGER

RYAN AND KEY
YOU'RE NO LONGER CAPTAIN, YOU'RE NO LONGER CAPTAIN!

COLLINGWOOD
FINE I AM GOING AWAY TO LISTEN TO "FANFARE FOR THE COMMON MAN". ON REPEAT, BITCHES.

RYAN AND KEY
ARE YOU CALLING US FEMALE DOGS? GO PRACTISE THAT LEAPY WRONG-HANDED CATCH THAT GOT YOU AN MBE IN 2005

COLLINGWOOD
I AM GOING TO IAN BELL'S HOUSE TO COMPARE HIGHLIGHTS
HAIR HIGHLIGHTS THAT IS

KEY
I AM GOING TO EAT A PIE

RYAN
NO YOU BOTH NEED FIELDING PRACTICE, CATCH THIS

[HITS BALL INTO THE AIR]

KEY AND COLL
WHERE DID IT GO? WHERE DID IT GO?

RYAN
GAAAAAAAAAH!! YOU IS USELESS!
THAT'S IT I AM STROPPING OFF.

THE END
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