Replace all cricketers with Harrison Ford I say

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As much as I love VVS, I’m very angry with him right now.

Sydneysiders have got to watch him make two hundreds already.

But what have I seen, some starts, some teases and a lot of foreplay, but do I get the satisfaction one can receive from a Laxman hundred, no.

Sorry VVS, you will never be able to replace Natalie Portman in my dreams.

I didn’t even get to see it on the TV, but I did get to hear Harsha, Peter, Skull and Geoff Lawson talk about how great Laxman was, and how sh1te Dravid was.

I’ve always liked Dravid, so when I say this, I say it lovingly, in Japan when a samurai warrior is past his use by date, he commits seppuku. Think about it Rahul.

Australia are in a pretty good position at the close of play, and we all knows it’s because of the damn umpires, not the fact they let two tail enders score half centuries.

Bloody cheating Australians.

Steve “Roo” Bucknor and Mark “Emu” Benson continued to cheat for Australia at every turn, we all know that if it wasn’t for the umpires Tendulkar would average 99.95 and India would be the number one test nation in the world.

Rick(y) obviously decided that his hissy fit yesterday was a bit soft, so today he caught Dravid and then said he didn’t. That’s not true, he probably wasn’t sure if he caught it or not, so he decided to not go to the third umpire.

This is a shame, because Mark Nicholas is at his best when commentating third umpire replays. In fact its the only time I don't want to do him bodily harm.

I think we should use the third umpire for every ball, just to make 100 perecent sure there are no mistakes, then we should replace umpires with robots that can count and use Blade Runneresque replicants instead of players.

That will stop all mistakes.

Mitchell Johnson got another wicket of a no ball today, but his one true fault is bowling 74 centimetres outside off stump all fu©king day.

Laxman proved he is a humanitarian by donating to the Save The Tongue Foundation, the chairman is Sourav.

Dravid spent all day not playing a shot, including a whole session where he scored 19 with only 6 singles, but then played possibly the ugliest shot this side of a Michael Bevan short ball convention.

Tomorrow I resume my position on the couch.

Remember, every day that I get fatter, I do so for you, the people.www.cricketwithballs.com "the hooking & pulling specialists"