carpet bombs aren't funny, and neither is he

Ok the joke has gone on long enough.

Apparently it’s been April fools day for 3 tests now.

You may remember my constant (here, here, here, and here, or just go here and scroll down) posts saying he just wasn’t up for it.

It’s not his fault.

He wasn’t going to say to the selectors, hey I’m not really all over this test bowling caper, perhaps you should look elsewhere.

He didn’t ask Warne to retire, Stuey to get overweight, the Cullens to be sh1t or for McGain to be Victorian, these things just happened and he was promoted to the Australian test team.

He is probably more surprised than the rest of us to be a test bowler in the number one rated side on earth.

Every time the ball is thrown to him he probably starts to shine it, before someone whispers that he is expected to bowl with it.

But please selectors, fu©k him off.

Send him back to his postal route, kick him out of the team hotel, give him some frequent flyers miles, hire a hit man to whack him, or feed him Ice and drug test him the next day.

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and we are all very fu©ken hurt right now.

Because we Australians can’t take this anymore.

In this series he has bowled 110 overs, for 7 wickets.

Symonds and Clarke have bowled 98 for 14 wickets.

He is half the bowler 2 part timers are.

How shit is that, seriously work it out, how shit, he is really shit, like seeing a wart growing on your pecker, or swalloing a fly over and over and over again type shit.

Like watching Battlefield earth sober type shit.

I mean if Ganguly wasn’t a fruit loop, he might have only 3 wickets in this series.

That’s like getting your testicle or sensitive girl bits caught in a zipper shit.

I am starting a petition for all Australians, George Bradley Hogg must go.

Bring in Tait underdone, bring in an injured Hilfenhaus, bring in Bracken and his sisters hair cut, hell even bring in Daniel Marsh.

Anyone but Hogg.

You can even go retro.

Get Tim May a suit that fits, allow Shane Warne a room full of skanks, bail out Terry Jenner, pick Gavin Robertson from club cricket, give Richie a bucked load of anti aging cream, help me reanimate Tiger Bill or even turn back to Ray Bright or Greg Matthews, if worst comes to worst.

Because Brad Hogg is not a test cricketer.

Don’t tell us he is improving, that he played to the game plan, that his batting is handy, the his pants fit nicely, that he gives good head, that the players like, that all spinners struggle against India, just put him in a box and send him somewhere.

The West Bank perhaps.

Sierra Leone is nice this time of year.

Or perhaps Kenya needs a new leggie.

Our enemies are enjoying this, “Have you any idea how much I'm enjoying Hogg's "performance" over the last couple of days?”If the Kiwis, with a team full of civil servants, are laughing at us, what would teams with actual cricketers be doing?

Do you know what England’s strategy next ashes is, ensure Hogg is picked.

I know I’ve been subtle in this post but I want to make sure the selectors under stand my message.

Get

Rid

Of

The

Tongue

Or

I

Will

Carpet

Bomb

Your

House

You

Useless

Mother

Fu©kers

PS, if somehow he takes wickets in the second innings, however unlikely that is, I was only taking the p1ss.

PPS, that line was added incase they Feds decided to charge me with any of the 43 terrorism offences I just committed.www.cricketwithballs.com "the hooking & pulling specialists"