the you tube clip of the week

www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

40 over cricket, it's 50 over cricket without the constipation

I don’t understand how 40 over cricket helps English cricket.

I have no idea why the Pro40 seems to be such a major part of the English calendar.

But it is.

And thusly is on Sky about 5 times a week.

Before I came to England I didn’t even know 40 over cricket existed.

Now I am a fan.

The best bit about One day cricket is the start and the end.

The middle is fuckemewitharollingpin boring.

The 20 to 40 over mark.

It’s the accumulation, consolation, the rush through with crap spinner period of the game.

On the odd occasion a side is taking the attack on, or a bowler is ripping through the batsman, and it can be palatable.

That does not happen often.

But in 40 over cricket, half of that is removed.

And the game is 40% more entertaining because of this.

The rules are all similar.

15 over field restrictions, 8 overs per bowler, and the like.

There just doesn’t seem to be as much gentle manipulation of the ball.

It’s like 2020 style cricket, but you need double the ability.

Or as the advert says 2020, with twice the balls.

If it replaced One day cricket tomorrow, I guarantee that you, yes you, would appreciate the new format.

It won’t though.

Which is a shame, because it could ensure that people keep enjoying the one day game.

And even England is getting rid of it, for the betterment of their national team, but to the detriment of their domestic viewers.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

the price of being famous

After my first ever cricket match at Lords i retreated to a bar with some other more famous cricket writers.

Most of them were smashed due to a large charity walk/run/waddle they had completed earlier.

I was drunk from not wanting to be sober watching England win.

Although I did see a great cricketing moment when Kallis got hit for 20 in one over.

More important than that was back at the bar, when someone recognised my accent from my podcast.

Long time readers may remember when i used to do them.

This guy not only remembered my accent, but he regaled me with a particular vile rant i once uttered about Graeme Smith.

Freaky shit.

But still not as cool as watching Kallis pretend he never bowled that over.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

South Africa, made of butter?

It’s easy to bag a team out of form.

So let me bag South Africa for a moment.

Graeme Smith is the number 1 rated one day batsman in the world.

He is out injured.

Let us look at the rest of the batsmen South Africa have.

Gibbs â€" well past his best. Just holding onto his position, and is probably there as much because the rest of the batsman are boring.

Should be pensioned off.

Amla - Looked the goods yesterday, but he needs to bat with someone who has after burners, not Jacques Kalli like yesterday.

A possible anchor man if they have the artillery around him.

Kallis â€" looking old and finished right at the moment. Hard to knock someone with his record, but this tour of England is looking horrible. And in the world cup Ponting was hoping to keep him at the crease if you remember.

Gone?

DeVilliers â€" Hard to put a marker on him, has the youth and skill to be a batsman, but seems soft under pressure. Looks like a front runner and is yet to convince me.

10 year player, or a 10 year kolpak player.

Duminy â€" Haven’t seen much of him, but does make some runs. Looks like another flat track, front running South African batsman, which is their forte.

Has the right colour to have a long career, but is he any good?

Boucher â€" Always been South Africa’s best batsman in a scrap. Has more fight then the rest of the team combined. But at 6? That is a proper batting slot.

If he is at 6, what sort of batting does South Africa have?

Morkel â€" Sure he can hit, I can attest to that after watching a six go flying over my head, but you wouldn’t say there is a lot of thinking going on up there.

When the going is tough, can he bat?

England does have a good bowling line up, but, this is a batting line up made of butter, don’t leave it out in the sun too long.

The bowlers.

Steyn â€" where is Dale Steyn? He clearly never turned up to England.

Ntini â€" he is a one day disaster case. Should not be playing one day cricket.

(Supervillian) Morkel â€" bowls well, always looks dangerous, but never cuts a swathe through a line up.

Kallis â€" still Kallis.

(Baby Face) Morkel â€" Is a pretty handy one day bowler, has a great yorker, and you wonder why others get the death overs.

Botha â€" has an action that would make Murali cry. But is hard to get away, even if he can’t get wickets.

Right at the moment this does not look like the recent top ranked one day side.

There are holes everywhere in this line up.

And England, who are up, are slapping them all over the place.

South Africa always play great cricket against average sides, but how many times do they struggle against good teams in form?www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Dale Steyn, a limp penis.

Where the fuck is Dale Steyn?

You know the shit hot fast bowler.

Not this limp penis dragging himself around England.

Dayrl Cullinan said he was the best fast bowler in the world.

My ass he is.

When he was killing Kiwis, perhaps he was, but now, just another bowler.

Players make their reputations on their first trip to England.

Steyn’s reputation is currently flaccid cock.

He was supposed to be the man to scare English mothers, the only person he scared this whole tour has retired.

Steyn is so un frightening at the moment Marcus “buy come into me” Trescothick is thinking about coming back out of retirement just to face him.

8 wickets in 2 tests at 36.

There were some turgid moments, but nothing to really ride home on.

2 wickets in 3 ODI’s at 85 with an economy rate of 6.57.

England is turkey slapping him all around.

What happened?

Did Morne steal his thunder?

Is Gunter putting deep heat in his panties?

Has Ntini raped him?

Because something is not right in the Steyn world, and it sure as shit aint no broken finger.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

74 ways to deep-fry a kitten

But only 11 of Australia’s top 15 cricketers required.

The pitch had a little action to it.

It took royalty to make runs.

The Kings XI Punjabi and King Probot were the only two to make real contributions.

Brad Haddin failed again, and the calls for Luke Ronchi sounded louder in my head.

Then the burning kitten torture began.

Mitchell Johnson enjoys the white ball, and he enjoyed fried kittens.

Brett Geeves had never eaten crispy pussy, and even though he didn’t have much time, he still had two helpings.

Then the big bear Cam White came on, and he devoured the last of the kittens, only the underdone small ones that no one else wanted.

And that was that.

This game had a wet pants moment for me, when I saw the big bear Cam White and Future Pm David Hussey (smashed a healthy 20odd) sitting at 1st and 2nd slip respectively.

Oh it was grand.

Also Brett Geeves has let his hair grow, which is a shame, but now has a Dirty Dirk junior beard, so I forgive him.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

the kittens are not a priority

Andrew Symonds will do anything to get out of playing against Bangladesh.

Even finding a good night out in Cardiff once.

Now he has gone fishing.

Me don’t need no teem meetings for Bangladesh.

Me Roy.

Me beat anyone with my bare hands.

Hand me a beer boy.

Just how seriously does Australia take Bangladesh?

Cricket Australia forgot when the Olympics were (supposedly), and cancelled the test tour because the Olympics took us all by surprise.

Ricky has a wrist thing.

Hayden couldn’t get a direct flight to Darwin.

Roy is a drunkard fisherman.

And Brett Lee got rid of the missus.

The test series was quite obviously canned because the main players wanted a break.

Cricket Australia couldn’t find a reason to cancel the one dayers, but the top liners just haven’t turned up.

If this was the IPL though, I wonder if these 4 would be able to overcome there various reasons for missing this series to soldier on...www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Hansie the musical

I am at the cricket right now.

Probably.

But for you, here is the teaser trailer for your new favourite film.

www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Who needs the famous five?

It's a pity Dhoni let the Sri Lankans off the hook in the last ODI after having them down on the mat six down for a little over a hundred runs. His inexplicable denial of three overs to Munaf Patel showed a lack of killer instinct that has characterised Indian sport over the years. But no matter. I think Dhoni and his young team have again shown they are - on current form - playing better than their more illustrious counterparts in the Test team in all aspects of the game. I think it is Dhoni who should lead a young Indian Test team to take on the visiting Australians later this year. More on this in an article I wrote for DNA: Now change the Test team.

Spin On, Monty

Years ago, whenever A.J. Lamb finally fell foul of the England selectors and was sent back to Northamptonshire for one of his temporary periods of exile, he took out his frustrations on a hapless succession of county attacks, racking up the runs and inspiring the county to greater things.
These days, whenever we get Monty Panesar back from England duty, we get a disinterested spin bowler who barely seems capable of turning one off crazy paving, let alone carving through batting orders. Panesar is at the age (26) where his batting and fielding are clearly not going to get any better - the former is pathetic while the latter is stunningly incompetent and defies belief that any international athlete could be so uncoordinated; he would not look out of place at the Special Olympics.
Panesar is reportedly undecided about committing his future to the county. Whether Northants still need him is a moot point because - apart from his marketing value - what does Panesar offer the team?
Prior to the game with Glamorgan he had taken four wickets in four games - all of which had come in the same innings. He is a one-dimensional cricketer who offers little in limited over games (had we not been forced to select him against Leicestershire in the Friends Provident Trophy as part of a three-pronged spin attack we might have fared better) and is at the stage where he appears to be going backwards. As Shane Warne noted, Panesar has not played 33 test matches - he's played the same match 33 times.
Panesar has reportedly been offered the most lucrative contract for a bowler ever at Wantage Road and it's hard to see what he's done to justify it. When was the last time he won a game for the county?
He might not be in terminal decline but he's hardly developing into a lethal weapon. Adil Rashid is on the rise and Panesar's place in England's plans may soon be in jeopardy - if he fails to secure the second spinner's berth for the one day series in India his limited overs career may essentially be over at the highest level.
Do Northants really need to break the bank for a one-dimensional prima donna who now seems to regard playing for the county as somewhat beneath him? Perhaps it would be in everyone's interests if Monty decamped to Edgbaston where he could learn at the feet of his illustrious predecessor in the England side, the Great Gilo, and be schooled in the arts of left arm spin.
Personally, if Panesar goes, I won't be missing him at all.

playing cricket in London - 2nd game (batting)

My second game in London.

This time i actually did stuff.

Got wordy again so this is just the batting in this post.

Visit here.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

More Ashes nonsense

Someone called Paddy Briggs had this to say on my KP bagging post on TWC.

At present England has five bowlers in the Test top 20 according to the ICC rankings, but Australia only two.

Australia has five batsmen in the top 20, but England only two.

Long way to go, of course, but it looks like an interesting contest in prospect. Can England score enough runs? Can Aus take enough wickets…?

Paddy has a point, but, in the top five of the rankings Australia has two bowlers and two batsman and England has neither.

Cream & the Crock...www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Chaminda the small wonderhorse

You have to respect Chaminda Vaas.

Not just on his 400 wickets in One Day cricket.

But on knowing where he his place is in the world.

He knows he isn’t Wasim Akram.

But only 3 others have taken 400 wickets.

And he is still humble.
“There were a lot of guys more talented than me, My game was limited but I worked harder. Nothing comes easy to you, you have got to make the most of your talent.”

These days other cricketers make a few hundreds or take a big haul or two and you’d think they were Elvis.

Sri Lanka though grows these humble cricketers, who perform over and over again, while bigger name players from other countries squander away their talent like horny sailers.

Yuvraj Singh was Vass’ 400th.

Life can be poetic.

Vaas wouldn’t make comments like this though, too good a bloke.

If I took 400 one day wickets I would be running around the stadium naked covered in eagle feathers drunk on 7 bottles of Canadian club until I collapsed.

There have been times when Vaas has been the best one day bowler in the world, statistically and realistically.

Like the 2000 & 3 world cup.

But the man is a worker, a miniature Clydesdale, and few have represented Sri Lanka better in the history of cricket.

Cricket With Balls salutes the man.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Lonely Planet Guide to the Oval

Following on from a comment on a previous post, here is a Lonely Planet-style guide to the Oval Cricket Ground. If you are exceptionally lucky, this may become one of a series.

HIGHLIGHTS:

- It's famous.

- Very distinctive ground, what with the gas towers and Alec Stewart gate.

- On big match days there's a reasonable selection of food.

- There are Dyson blade hand driers in the toilets, and these are simply the best thing ever.

CULTURE AND PSYCHE:

- Overall, a good place to watch cricket.

- More informal atmosphere than at Lords, but less relaxed in terms of rules - you can't take in alcohol for big matches.

- If you would like to engage in any seriously damaging or destructive behaviour but do not want to attract the attention of the stewards, all you need to do is to get a friend on the opposite side of the ground to create a diversion by starting a beer snake.

- You can't take in musical instruments. I'm not sure what the rule is if you're, for example, a professional flautist popping to some floodlit Pro40 of an evening, after having spent the day in rehearsal somewhere.

HISTORY:

- Hosted the first ever test match.

- Hosted the first game of the 1868 Aboriginal tour. I'm not saying that this shouldn't be regarded as the first test match, by the way, Ian Chappell.

- Was equipped to be a prisoner of war camp.

- Hosted the first ever football FA cup.

- Saw England win the Ashes in 2005.

ENVIRONMENT:

- Immediate surroundings consist of 1930's brick social housing blocks, many with crickety names.

- Those famous gasworks.

- Wander a couple of streets away and there's a park.

- Wander in the other direction and there are quite a few gay pubs, rejoicing in names like Hoist and Sweat.

- Nearest supermarkets are the Kennington Tesco, and the Co-op on Camberwell New Road. There's also a Tesco Express at St George's Wharf, Vauxhall.

DANGERS AND ANNOYANCES:

- Possible gas hazards, according to the council.

- No real parking. Well, on Sundays you can park on my road, less than 10 mins walk from the ground, but I'm not about to tell you where that is.

- Not much actual space around the perimeter, so can get a bit squashed on big match days.

- THE BARS CLOSE FOR 90 MINUTES AFTER THE RESUMPTION OF PLAY AFTER LUNCH. If play doesn't resume after lunch because of rain, the bars DO still open, but I have no idea how they pick the time to open.

- The cups of tea should be bigger.

SIGHTS AND ATTRACTIONS

- You might get to see Ramps (like Jrod did) / Butch wandering round

- Also, have I mentioned the Dyson Blade hand driers?

- on weekdays, the Stella airship goes over the ground two or three times.

- on Saturdays there's a farmers' market in the church garden opposite the tube.

- the "living wall" on the OCS stand is growing very nicely now.

- The moving tableau on the wall outside the pavillion entrance.

KNOW-BEFORE-YOU-GO

- There ARE cashpoints within the ground. Not free ones, though.
- Re seating: you can't see the replay screen from some parts of the Bedser stand, and you can't see it without turning / craning from the lower-numbered stands, and from the side of the OCS balcony nearest Harleyford Road.

- There's more legroom in the green seats.

- OCS balcony seats are padded.

- For big matches, you can't take in metal cans of drink.

- Even though it will seem like every single other person in the ground has a packed lunch, the queues for food will still be long, but always 3 times as long if you are not in the OCS.

- If you are meeting up with people and going in with them on a major match day, don't just say "Oval Tube". That's MADNESS. I'd suggest: "Bus stop C on Harleyford Road", or " The church opposite the Tube".
- If you want to go to a pub afterwards, the Beehive and The Hanover Arms will most probably be rammed. Other possibilities worth a try are the Black Sheep, The Roebuck (I've never been there but may try it next time), The Fentiman Arms (quickest route there is to cut through the estate) and, if you wander up to Kennington Cross, the Prince of Wales, White Hart, and Doghouse.
www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Mushie's history on the balls

I gave Mushie a goodbye yesterday, but i thought I would mention a few excerpts from CWB where the great man has been mentioned.

This one is from my unkie j talks leggies post.

The Bubbly Pakistani leg spinner

Practised by Mushtaq Ahmed and Abdul Qadir.

This is legspin with a touch of aerobics. It requires lots of hopping, arm whipping and an offstump line. This is the one form of leg spin that best encapsulates everything there is about legspinning, as all delivery’s are available from a straighter arm action whilst still spinning the ball. The objective is to trick the batsmen with a variant of balls so devishly devised that he regulary plays for a ball that spins one way whilst it spins the other way. Because the ball spins both ways it is effective against all batsmen, but the offstump line means a good length is every important.

Signature move, the wrong’un that cuts the batsman in two halves.

This one is from the leg spinners are cool post.

Mushtaq Ahmed coolest short and chubby dude alive.

This one from my pice on growing up leggie under warne.

Imagine just for a moment, you are a leg spinner, that you are from Melbourne, and some guy called Warne just started his career.

Are you there yet?

Good.

Now just to add some spice, your favourite cricketer and personal tweaking idol is Mushtaq Ahmed. Or as a family friend once said, who, that fat little paki ©unt.

This is talking about my conversation with Ray Bright.

So I rang a number in some cricket magazine that advertised spin bowling lessons. The phone was answered by a dude in a factory office (I think), eventually I was passed to a guy named Ray Bright.

I shat myself.

He asked what kind of spinner I was, leg, asked about my run up, I told him it was like Mushtaq Ahmed’s, he asked about my line, I told him middle to off, he asked about my wrong un, I said I had one, he asked about my flipper, I said no. He asked if I spun the ball a lot, I said not really use variation and flight mostly.

He said ok, I think we can work with this, first we need to slow your run up down, make it a brisk walk, then we need to get you bowling at leg or outside, we need to you to spin the ball more, we need you to forget about the wrong un and learn the flipper.

I said, won’t that make me exactly like Warne.

He said, yeah that’s what I’m trying to do.

Oh, but I don’t bowl like warne, I bowl like mushtaq ahmed.

But warne is better.
www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Become the 100th Facebook fan

Cricket With Balls now has 99 fans on Facebook.

The last fan was D Charlton, a pretty blonde girl from London.

Do you want to be the 100th fan on Facebook?

I promise I will do something special to celebrate your stature.

Probably.

Go on fan up for the balls.

And if you have already become a facebook fan of Cricket With Balls, perhaps you would like to add a bit of Bushranger Love to your facebook as well.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

kittens mauled by virgins

Bangladesh is in Australia.

And so far this is no golden reunion tour for Jamie Siddons.

The kittens have been playing the Australian academy XI.

3 losses and one victory is probably not what you need before playing Australia, even if it's A list players are all having a holiday.

The academy side is a team of youngish blokes who at best are fringe state players, and at worst are under 19 Australian representatives.

Some of these players have already done well domestically with limited opportunities.

Here are there stories...

Matthew Wade (19) Vicâ€" Leap frogged Crosthwaite for Victoria’s keeping job, but his batting fell away at the end of the year and his glove work always made me nervous. Can bat, but is treacle like.

Moises Henriques (21) Nswâ€" Like Shane Watson, only could be the real deal. Already has selectors with erections everywhere. No one can tell if he is a bowler or a batsman, and not in the crap way like most all rounders. Is the 438th New Keith Miller.

Peter Forrest (22) Nsw â€" top order batsman already on the tour for Australia A, I’m not a huge fan, but the right people seem to be.

Theo Doropoulos (23) Wa â€" Hard hitting middle order player who has already made an impact or two at the top level already. Can bowl medium pace as well, but it’s the hitting that people have noticed. Also has a great name for commentators.

Usman Khawaja (21) Nsw â€" Against Victoria in full flight made a 90 odd on debut in a tight contest. So far against Bangladesh he has made them his bitches. Born in Pakistan, raised in Australia.

Liam Davis (24) Wa â€" Made a hundred on debut to stop Douggie Bollinger from a complete decimation of WA this year. Looks like a standard nuggety West Australian type batsman, see Justin Langer, or Greg Shipperd.

Steven Smith (19) Nsw â€" Should be ready to take over from Bryce McGain as Australian leg spinner in 3 years time. Also can bat, in 3 boiwls in the 2020 took 9 wickets. I give him the Jrod early seal of approval, bu reserve the right to revoke at any time.

That is just the players who have played at the top level.

There is also Michael Hill (19), from the northern suburbs of Melbourne.

He has yet to play for Victoria, but is tearing Bangladesh apart at the moment.

And being that he is from the northern suburbs predicting that he will become a champion is a easy prediction.

There are also other players yet to play at the top level, who aren't from the northern suburbs.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Hampshire and Hawthorn sitting in a tree

This is Hawthorn, an aussie rules team.This is Hampshire, a county team.
It would be wrong of me to say that these two logos are similar.

So i did this.

I don't know who came up with this logo first.

But...

Shane Warne is from Melbourne, and the Hawthorn Hawks (although no one would ever say those two words together) are from melbourne.

And Shane Warne played for Hampshire...

That's all.
www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Goodbye Mushie

The great little man has left the building.

Grand Master Mushtaq has quit Sussex and we will never see that double arm twirl again.

Mushtaq was more than a bowler to me, he was leg spin.

I even have the unnecessary double arm twirl in my action.

While the whole world was going crazy over Warne, I was a Mushie fan, in Melbourne that never went over that well.

Mushie bounced in, he was magical, like a leprechaun on ice.

Warne was the leg spinner you liked if you knew nothing about leg spinning.

Mushie was the leg spinners leggie, a performance artist who relied on enough leg spin to beat the bat without being ridiculous about it.

He was a pure leg spinner.

His weapon was the wrong’un, and what a weapon it was, it didn’t spin back in at the stumps, it honed in on them like a heat seeking missile.

His toppie was so simple you could almost discount it as a great ball, which is why it was so good.

Every one waited for the wrong’un to destroy them, but more often than not the toppie got them first.

His leggies may not have spun sideways, but they span, they bounced, and they fizzed, oh how they fizzed.

Quite often the most simple of cut shots seemed impossible as Mushie would drag you into the position he wanted, and then plan your demise.

He was not a one ball wicket taker, he could plan a batsman out of several overs until he had them just where he wanted them.

At the 92’ world cup he showed that spinners weren’t just window dressing in one day matches, they could be kings.

And he was king in that world cup.

Over the years Pakistan politics, Saqlain’s doosra, and old age meant that his genius was not shown on the world stage any where near enough.

Instead he found himself embraced in County cricket.

There his legend actually grew, as he took Sussex and put them on his shoulders.

Even from Melbourne I would follow Mushie at Sussex, and just marvel at the shear weight of wickets the little man with the huge heart would take.

Chris Adams, Sussex’s captain gushed about Mushie as a cricketer, but he even went a step further.

“He is simply a great man.”

One of the things I wanted to do when I first got to London was watch Mushie one last time, and selfishly I am angry that those little knees of his couldn’t keep him out long enough for me to see one last spell of magic.

His body knew it was time to leave.

To me he was more than a bowler.

He was a hero, an idol, a God, and I am heart broken to see him go.

Thanks for the magic Mushie.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

playing cricket in London - 1st game

Here is a very detailed report on my first game of cricket in London.

It does get pretty wordy.

Although I didn't mention the colour of the crass or weather conditions.

Which shows good restraint.

If the report is too long for you, feel free to pop down to the bottom and just see how i did statistically.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Gunter ruins male models perfect day

Stuart Broad had 5 wickets for 11 runs into his last over.

On a pitch that Beefy had proclaimed 260/270 was a par score.

South Africa didn’t really bat badly.

And Broad didn’t bowl hand grenades.

There wasn’t any extravagant movement, but there was some bounce.

But every time he bowled a pretty good ball someone edged it.

He did that 5 times, well 4 really, Botha probably missed his.

At 5 for 11 Broad was the happiest man in the world, other than Devondra Banhart.

Then Gunter came out and saved the day for everyone.

He hit 3 balls to the fence to finish the over.

His batting was Jack Palance like, he took down the pretty little Broad, and the story will be all about his batting.

Gunter went on to top score with 13.

Was a gloriously paced innings, completely overshadowing Broad’s bowling I thought.

And i forgot the best part, Gunter came out wearing a battlestar galactica helmet.

Gunter the Sci Fi nerd defeats Broad the male model.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

try new cooley mints

Troy Cooley had no idea that the English were using mints for reverse swing.

Even though he was their bowling coach.

Does this make him stupid?

Or a liar?

When nathan Bracken brought it up Simon Jones accused him of sour grapes and claimed he had never used mints.

Does that make him a liar?

Or stupid?

The ball was reversing like Safraz on speed for Freddy and Jones.

Let's pretend that for just one moment that they didn't know.

What did they think was happening?

Did they think they had discovered the magical wrist position htat made the ball reverse in the 16th over?

Had Cooley just thought he was the messiah of Irish?

Is Jones so sure of himself that he couldn't even see the ball went reverse so early that something had to be up?

Should i answer any of these questions, or should I ask more?

Who knows?www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Celebrate Keith Miller day

Today is Don Bradman's birthday.

People will gush about him.

Old journalists will fill buckets with their semen.

And politicians will rush to microphones to say all sorts of nice things about him.

You will not see affection for Don Bradman here.

I don’t care for the man.

His birthday means nothing to me.

I don’t give a rats ass..

The man is a dead over achiever.

Sure he made a lot of runs.

And I am sure he is a better batsman than Mark Butcher.

But I don’t care.

That is why I am proclaiming the 27th of August, Keith Miller Day.

Ways you can celebrate Keith Miller day.

Kick an aussie rules football.

Fuck a member of royalty.

Talk to Michael Parkinson.

Shoot down a German war plane.

Or show general indifference to Bradman as a legend.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

What can't King Kev do?

Well, what to make of that?

England beat South Africa in the first ODI - impressive enough. But to obliterate them in the second was an extraordinary display. After all the false dawns, can we finally say England's one-day side are making progress?

Kevin Pietersen can seemingly do no wrong as captain: he has succeeded in reinvigorating a side who, following Michael Vaughan's tear-leaden resignation, appeared close to crisis point. It remains to be seen whether he can make the sides consistently successful, but, suddenly, the one-day outfit has been transformed into one of the most powerful line-ups around.

Since the defeat to New Zealand, three players - Matt Prior, Andrew Flintoff and Steve Harmison - have returned to the side, and each has performed outstandingly to date.

With Flintoff and Harmison providing the middle-over penetration England have perennially lacked, the bowling line-up is powerful indeed. Stuart Broad today produced his best showing to date, and has been a consistent one-day performer, unlike in Tests. Conversely James Anderson, once regarded as worth his place only in the limited-overs side, has discovered consistency in Tests but seems to have regressed in ODIs. His figures over his last 18 games are damning indeed: 13 wickets at averages (56.61) and economy rates (5.37) that are unacceptable. If he does not improve in the remaining three ODIs, England should look elsewhere: at Ryan Sidebottom, who has proved a canny one-day operator with variations aplenty; or Kabir Ali, in outstanding form for Worcestershire for the last two years.

Prior has, so far, outperformed Tim Ambrose and Phil Mustard, keeping surprisingly well and batting assertively at the top of the order. While he certainly deserves a place in the side, there may be a case for replacing Luke Wright with a specialist opener (Rob Key, Joe Denly or Vikram Solanki) and moving him down to Wright's slot at seven.

Doubts persist over the suitability of Ian Bell opening - he has all the shots, but too often fails to be assertive - and Owais Shah at three. Shah performed superbly against New Zealand batting at six, but may prove a little vulnerable to the moving ball early on. Ideally, he would bat at four or five, but with Pietersen and Flintoff settled there and Paul Collingwood at number six, he should be given an extended run at three. Providing he is free to express himself, Shah should prove capable there.

From four to six England's batting has an imperious look. The remaining selectorial issues concern numbers seven and eight. Wright is on the periphery of the side, but at least provides true destructive, game-changing potential at seven - unlike Ravi Bopara, who is not comfortable attacking from the off. Perhaps the experience and phenomenal six-hitting ability of Dimitri Mascarenhas - also probably the best bowler of the three - is the best option.

Samit Patel has started promisingly - but England may be better off choosing their best spinner, Graeme Swann, who has shown he is an attacking off-spinner and has played some fine innings at number eight. It is ironic that Swann, who many felt was selected over Monty Panesar for his three-dimensional game, has now seen the same fate befall him.

Under King Kevn's reign, England have the tools at their disposal to, finally, establish themselves as a one-day force. They have a brilliant middle-order, bat deep and have a fine, four-pronged pace attack. More work needs to be done - but it is a long time since England's ODI side has had such a convincing look.

Uncle J rod’s English domestic players bar room education chat guide – Liam Dawson

Liam Dawson impresses me.

And I am not easily impressed, am I Michael Hussey.

You may not of heard of Liam Dawson.

13 days ago I hadn’t.

But suddenly he is everywhere on Sky Sports.

Spanking teenage Kiwis.

Bamboozling aging English and South African professionals.

And destroying the Middlesex Crusaders with the sword and dagger.

So to speak.

The boy is still an embryo.

But he has performed recently like a 40 year old professional English cricketer, only really good.

He bats middle order, and seems to be able to attack, and or consolidate.

With the ball he bowls left arm orthodox.

He is not a huge spinner of the ball, but the boy has “the flight”, you spinners will know what I mean.

Recently he has taken to performing for the sky cameras almost daily.

Bumble has talked about his delivery action being on the wrong side of perpendicular, but thinks he’s a prospect.

Bob Willis likes his composure.

And Paul Allot annoys me, but likes the kid.

Also he looks a little like frodo.

So when some tosser is drinking a Pimms and talking about how good Shah, Bopara or Key is, you can insert the name Dawson and look like a freaking prophet when he plays for England.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Championship - Week 16

[b]New leaders again in Division 1, although not as convincingly as they would have liked. A good win for the leaders in Division 2 and now he’s got his 100th hundred, Ramprakash can’t stop scoring runs.[/b]

[b]Division 1[/b]
[b]Somerset [/b]went into their match with struggling [b]Hampshire [/b]knowing that they would return to the top of the table with a draw and bonus points. However, they would have been hoping for much more and only Michael Lumb, scoring his first century of the season, held them up as Hants made 316. An Ian Blackwell century was the main contribution as Somerset secured maximum bonus points at 436. However, poor weather at the start of the game and an unbeaten stand of 170 between Lumb and Michael Carberry meant that Hants were able to finish on 196 for 1, which was enough to take them out of the bottom two, while Somerset’s cushion at the top isn’t as great as they’d have hoped.

[b]Sussex [/b]have struggled this season and would have hoped to turn things around with their visit to local rivals [b]Surrey[/b]. Surrey made 455, based around a stand of 232 between Mark Ramprakash (178) and Jon Batty (102). Sussex made 328 in reply, Robin Martin-Jenkins adding respectability to the total with an unbeaten 71 from number 9 in the order. Surrey then declared on 171 for 7, setting Sussex 299 to win in 62 overs. At 313 for 3, Surrey had a sniff of victory, but Carl Hopkinson and Chris Nash batted out for an unbeaten 123 partnership and a draw.

Geraint Jones was the star with a ton as [b]Kent [/b]scored 283 against [b]Lancashire[/b]. This was enough for a big first innings lead as Lancs succumbed to 125, Robert Joseph taking 5 for 34 and Martin Saggers 4 for 26. Joe Denly then scored a hundred as Kent declared on 317 for 4, setting Lancs an unlikely target of 476 to win. Despite a hundred from Paul Chliton, this never looked likely as they were bowled out for 283. Kent move above Lancashire, whose current form means they should be wary of the relegation battle.

[b]Division 2[/b]
[b]Northamptonshire [/b]went into their game with bottom club [b]Gloucestershire [/b]looking to make up ground on the leaders. However, poor west country weather turned the match into a race for bonus points, with Northants finished one run short of their 4th point on 349, despite 148 from David Sales, Oliver Newby, on loan from Lancashire, taking 5-fer. Kadeer Ali then hit a career best 161 as Gloucester declared on 401 for 6, but with only three overs possible in the Northants second innings, the game was drawn. The bonus points were enough to lift Gloucester above Glamorgan at the bottom while Northants remain 3rd.

In a good week for the Ali cousins, Kabir took 6 wickets as [b]Worcestershire [/b]reduced [b]Essex [/b]to just 282, Ryan ten Doeschate making an unbeaten 94. This was enough for a first innings lead, though as Worcester made just 258. With a lead of 24, Essex declared their second inning on 322 for 8, with James Foster making an unbeaten 111. This left Worcester needing 347 to win, which they made for the loss of just 4 wickets, Daryl Mitchell scoring his first championship century of the season, with significant contributions from Ben Smith and Graeme Hick. Worcester move clear at the top of the table and look certainties for promotion.

A second wicket stand of 124 between Andrew Strauss (71) and Ed Joyce (101) set [b]Middlesex [/b]up for a total of 367. However, this was dwarfed by the [b]Leicestershire [/b]effort, who made 533, including a stand of 270 between HD Ackerman (194) and 18 year old Josh Cobb (148 not out). Middlesex lost early wickets in their second innings, being reduced to 73 for 4. However, they were able to bat out the 71 overs left in the game for a draw although both teams are now looking to next season.

[b]England Player watch[/b]
Some useful runs for [b]Andrew Strauss [/b]to keep him in touch while the rest of the England team is playing One Day cricket. With the Lions tours in mind, [b]Joe Denly, Ed Joyce and James Foster [/b]have done themselves no harm, with Joyce being a possible captain for the tour. Likewise with the ball, [b]Kabir Ali [/b]keeps taking wickets to keep the pressure on the English bowlers.

[b]Player of the week[/b]
[b]Mark Ramprakash[/b] keeps scoring runs as does [b]HD Ackerman[/b]. However, it is from Ackerman’s county that we go to for this week’s winner. Leicestershire have been criticised for their Kolpak policy. However, they are also beginning to bring some young talent through and if the first sign of this came in this week’s matches, it could be very exciting. For an unbeaten 148 just days after his 18th birthday, this weeks Player of the Week is [b]Josh Cobb[/b].

a true hollywood story about playing cricket in London

The title is completely accurate.

I am indeed playing cricket in London.

For those who want to hear all about my cricket exploits, i wouldn't dare use this incredibly well respected international cricket blog to do so.

Instead i will link to the articles on my literally another aussie in london blog that some of you may have already read.

The first post is here, and it must be mentioned that it doesn't actually involve my first game, but the lead up to the first game.

And for those of you who don't want to miss even one post about this exciting subject, i will link to them all from here.

Because I am that sort of guy.

Narcisstisctnic.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

thick necks and underwear

I tried to let Brett Lee and former Mrs Lee have their privacy.

I really did.

But they don’t want it to be private.

They want it to be in the media.

Well I refuse.

I don’t want to talk about Ms Kemp’s love affair with thick necked men.

I don’t care who her friends are.

No one needs to know.

They broke up.

He released an underwear line then pulled out of a tour and enough said really.

So for anyone tying any of this into google:

brett lee cheat

brett lee cricket

brett lee marriage break up reason

brett lee marriage end

brett lee marriage rumours

brett lee marriage rumours rugby

brett lee wife rugby player rumoured

brett lee wife rumours

brett lee, rumours

Or if you are one of the 60 odd others who typed Brett Lee into google.

There are more important things to talk about, like mints.

Matthew Hayden has also pulled out of the Bangladesh tour, although I suspect it’s because he wants to meet with Usain Bolt.

But probably not to have an affair with him.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

ride em crusader

This is a couple of pictures o the middlesex (christian) crusaders.

They play at Lords, hence the crusading.

And the pink.

Two things you may notice here.

No dirty Dirk.

And their players look like Jockeys in this fucked up uniform.

None more so than Ed Joyce.

Must be the irish in him.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

the south african jesus & the latest CWB competition

Competition details at the bottom.

You remember Hansie Cronje don't you.

He's dead now, apparently neither satan or jesus could save him.

Outside of South Africa he is thought of as a dirty match fixing fucker.

Inside South Africa he is thought of as a hero and a one wayward christian soldier who did very little wrong other than a bit of match fixing.

History depends on how your write it, or in this case, how you film it.

So when Frans Cronje, brother of Hansie, and acclaimed Christian Auteur making a film about his brother you know it's going to be a fair and balanced film on a match fixer.

It is called Hansie, brillaint.

This is the tagline "The legacy of a hero, the story of a man".

Subtle.

The first line in the plot says "How do you start over once you have betrayed a nation's trust?".

The answer is by finding jesus.

But apparently the film delves slightly deeper than that.

Francois Rautenbach is Hansie, and he was also in Faith like Potatoes a Christian film festival winning film made by Frans.

Jonathon Hearns plays Steve Waugh, and his major role was playing Market patron in King Solomon's Mines, a role he received rave reveiws for.

Hearns is South African, apparently they couldn't find an Australian born again Christian actor to play Waugh.

Can't wait for the accent.

Here is a special competition for Cricket With Balls fans.

Anyone who can get me an advanced copy of this film on DVD before it hits the screens will receive a song written about their favourite player, team, or country (no matter how much i may hate them).

Burn it, steal it, get saved by Jesus, I don't care, i need to see this film.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

more wacky googleness

There has been something in the air recently, this is a google hit list from only the last few days.

smith and kallis double team monty

This is not an image that anyone wants to think of, especially not Monty.

"jason krejza" drink driving

Apparently this is true, but the Australian team loves a good drunkard, and Shaun Marsh needs a partner on the booze.

do cricketers who wear eye liner get laid more

I would doubt it, even if they do naked photos and the like.

i have lost my outswinger

Outswing is so last century, grab a pack of murray mints and try reverse swing.

india fuck

indeed.

matthew wade boring

Only to watch.

peter siddle highlights

not sure if you mean the shield final or the blond tips in his hair.

push my balls up my ass

If this is a request I pass.

shane watson's dirty dick

how do you know it’s dirty?

what does mcgain think about education

Nice Bryce is for education, you heard it here first.

you're so hot you could be a waitress

Or a part time model.

As of yet no one has googled for stella walsh or stanislawa walasiewica.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Is this a mint which I see before me

We now know that Marcus Trescothick is one horrendous cheat.

Because he told us, and look at his eyes.

If you want to know the full story buy his book coming over me.

Less than a year after he cheated his career was over with depression.

Because some men are made to be cheats, and then there is Marcus.

Marcus has been chased by the ghost of Banquo ever since.

Yes I’m using Shakespeare, but try to follow.

MacBeth ordered Banquo (2005 Ashes) and his son Fleance (future ashes) killed.

Only Banquo was killed, Fleance survived.

When Banquo was killed, he came back to MacBeth in ghost form, and tormented the fucker for his actions.

In conculsion: The ghost of cheating at the 2005 ashes has stalked Marcus ever since, and that is why he is depressed.

Also Lady Macbeth was hard work.

So Karma (or the ghost) got the better of this fresh mouthed fucker.

The Australian players lost an Ashes, got fired up, smoked England in the next series while Marcus sat at home and fought with the black dog.

A 30 year old cricketer was lost to the game, England now look as dodgy as Pakistan at their foulest and Australia has all the necessary motivation to win next years Ashes.

Thanks Marcus, if it wasn’t for you I might never have seen a 5 nil drubbing of England.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Dhoni da jawab nahin

Dhoni got most things right in the third ODI. First, the playing 11 was perfect, given the available resources. Although India again could not finish off the Lankans after getting them down 94-7, the bigger problem remains the batting with four out of seven failing. So I hope Dhoni ignores the exhortations of the TV commentators led by Tony Greig to play five bowlers. But, if he does induct a fifth bowler, it should be RP Singh, because Pathan has become too slow to be able to take wickets. Four pacers bowling the first 20 overs at the brittle Lankan lineup seems tempting, but whom would you drop? By rights, it should be Yuvraj, but that's too tough a call at this stage. Maybe in the fifth ODI if India lose the next one.
The second thing Dhoni almost got right was the batting lineup, with Yuvraj moving up to number three. But sending Badrinath ahead of Rohit was wrong. Rohit's just had a couple of failures. He shouldn't lose his batting position so easily, after having shown his class over the past year.
The third and most important thing was to win the toss and bat because the ball did more for both the pacers and spinners in the cool atmosphere of the evening. And he topped it up with a captain's knock to rescue the team. It's a pity he ran Raina out, though, when he was looking set for a big one.
The one area where Dhoni continues to expose his rawness in captaincy is the field placement. Munaf bowled without a slip to Mahela even though that was the last recognised batsman standing. And Bhajji had no forward short leg for Mahela even though the ball was turning and jumping. The Indians allowed the Sri Lankan captain to bat himself back to form with a 94, and he can make them pay for it in the next two ODIs.

tugga inspires Australia to average performance

I hate the Olympics.

Hence why it hasn’t been mentioned here (by me).

But I did see a bit of the closing ceremony.

Not sure why, but it could be my love of robotic looking asian girls who play metal drums standing up.

And I was waiting for the cricket to come on.

But what did I see, Steve fucking Waugh.

Looking a little uncomfortable to be honest.

Even more than when he faced a fast short ball.

I could be wrong, but I think he was there as some sort of mentor towards the Olympians on how to handle the pressure of expectation and so forth.

Or he might have been there to teach them the art of sledging mental disintegration.

I doubt it though.

I saw no Australian sailers with bull horns abusing other sailers.

No synchronised swimmers writing notes on the bottom of the pool about how bad their technique is.

And most importantly none of the Australian boomers, the brilliantly named Australian men’s basketball team, started bowling bouncers at the Dream team.

So what did Steve Waugh do?

Inspire through his presence.

Give advice on sensible hair cuts.

Feed the Chinese Lepers.

Or get a free holiday to China.

All of which are noble pursuits.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Darrell Hair instructing the youth of NSWales

Darrell Hair has no need to umpire cricket matches anymore.

He is now an umpire trainer in NSWales

So far there has been no word on whether that will be at Bondi beach.

Although he would be popular there.

For his sake you'd hope he didn't end up in Redfern.

His main subject will be how to give out dark batsman when hit on the pads by white bowlers, without looking like a racist.

He will also give lectures on how Sri Lankans are chuckers.

And how Paki's (again in the Australian way, although if it's from hair's mouth it may not matter) are all dirty cheats.

I can think of no one better to teach young NSWelsh umpires than Hair.

He is the very epitome of Rupert Murdoch's fair and balanced.

Boof Lehmann will be brought in to give training on how to apologise for racist remarks so that the Politically correct fuckers and the darkies think your an ok bloke for a racist.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

ICC knockout cup gets knocked out

The ICC has finally taken its finger out of its ass.

The ICC knockout for cash trophy has been postponed.

Read cancelled.

The tournament that no one cares about, in a form of cricket that is dying a slow death, and was to be played in a country whities are afraid of.

It never really had a chance did it.

Bob Willis looked upset is was gone on Skysports.

He must have shares in the ICC.

This is a good thing people.

This was the Ashlee Simpson of cricket tournaments.

And it needed to be culled, like reality tv watchers and people who think squirrels are tasty.

Now we can get on with serious cricket, like Stanford and Modi have always wanted.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Token Olympics post

So, the Olympics are over, Boris has the torch, the big airport welcome for the British athletes has been cancelled because of security fears (boding well for 2012), and you can all get back to watching the cricket without worrying about missing any rhythmic gymnastics.

Except for this. Usain Bolt, who I adore, likes cricket, and when asked who he would like to meet, said...

Matthew Hayden.

Now, we don't have the same level of Matthew Hayden hatred here as, say, this guy, but he is definitely at the "players we don't like" end of the spectrum, and for Usain to pick Hayden is all kinds of wrong.

First, this isn't helpng the drug rumours*.

Secondly, REALLY??? Nobody else you'd rather meet? You're a wildly talented showboating kind of guy, so I think you'd like Shane Warne. Hayden would take you fishing and read exerpts from the Bible! Where's the fun in that?

The crumb of comfort in the article is this:

"Most of the international media listening to Bolt's interview didn't know who Hayden was".

*Legal note: I don't actually think he takes drugs.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

That's why we need referrals

"Excuse me?" exclaims Homer's blog, detailing the double standards evident in two ICC match referees' interpretations of offensive behaviour by players. While Aleem Dar let Flintoff go scot-free in an SA-England match, Chris Broad slapped Munaf Patel with a level 2 offence for a far lesser misdemeanour in the second ODI between India and Sri Lanka. Broad's harshness also rekindles the white-man-not-taking-the-brown-man's-word argument that snowballed into a crisis after the Sydney Test when Mike Proctor banned Harbhajan Singh. So, when I saw pictures of a Cuban taekwondo fighter kicking a match referee in the face after some dubious decisions at the Olympics on Saturday, I thought it isn't far-fetched to expect a similar incident in cricket one of these days if the ICC persists with arming undeserving people like Broad with so much power. And yet, there's an easy way to prevent such ugliness, and this was evident in the Test series. I mean the referral system, of course, which defuses all the rancour in the middle, just like it did for tennis. More on this in an article I wrote, titled Back to the middle ages, because that's what it feels like to watch cricket again without the referral system which has been put on the back-burner after its trial in the Tests.

OBO England v South Africa one dayer (first innings only

Welcome to the Cronje Lamb cup.

Refresh every 5 minutes or so for OBO goodness.

181/3 40 overs

Kallis fell asleep, and a no ball was called when he forgot to waddle into the circle.

KP is with Freddy now, straight slow off Vernon T for a boundary.

Tries another swipe next ball, but only a single.

Vernon's slower ball almost breaks the site screen when Freddy smacks it.

This might be the end of his spell.

170/3 39 overs

Botha back on.

Makes sense, but probably came two overs too late.

Freddy is seeing them quite well now and scoring at close to run a ball.

Partnership 50 off 62.

Botha isn't helping my slow balling logic by bowling Freddy a full toss, which luckily for Botha he only gets 2 off.

Then he bowls a waste high one to Kp just for kicks, fucken useless chucker.

Big over.

Those 3 off the quicks have set them up nicely now.

160/3 38 overs

Vernon is back. Ntini ousted.

And Vernon beats Freddy first one.

Two dot balls, slower bowler perhaps?

Three...

And a single.

Game seems harder for England again.

Dot ball, a crap one, but a dot none the less.

And a single.

Two off the over, compared with 6, 11 & 7 over the last three off proper quicks.

158/3 37 overs

Freddy even had his bling out there.

South Africa had the game by the nuts before the new old old ball was taken and Smith decided on the two quicks.

Gunther doesn't look fit in the field, he didn't at the Oval either.

Steyn slows Freddy down with a slower ball.

Who just said that?

Oh it was me, and now Nasser is copying me, bloody steve waugh wannabe.

152/3 36 overs

Ntini back on.

Problem is that with the harder ball, the batsman already look alot more comfortable.

Although Freddy takes a 9 iron to Ntini and lobs it a yard short of the green for 2.

Freddy is in da House.

Walks down the wicket and swats him through cover for a HARD four.

Let's get the party started now.

11 runs in that over. shazam.

141/3 35 overs

New old old ball taken.

Steyn back on.

Freddy wanders down the wicket and plops one though cover to the fence.

An actual boundary.

I remember them.

134/3 34 overs

yawn.

130/3 33 overs

KP tries to run himself out by diving and bouncing his bat around.

Touch and go, but i think not out, just, but it's a fitty fitty one.

Not out.

First exciting thing to happen in a while.

126/3 32 overs

Not much happened.

KP and Freddy want to take off.

But vernon did bowl another good over.

123/3 31 overs

Richie says take the score at the 30 over mark, double it and take away 10 runs for any wicket after the first 2.

So 224.

Super slow mo on Botha's action show that the "work" he has had done on his action hasn't seemed to really improve it.

That said, he should have had KP out LB just then.

117/3 30 overs

Shah faced 26 for his 12. England top order have chewed through the balls on what seems like a pretty good pitch, maybe a touch slow, but not hard to bat on.

Run rate still under 4.

Better over for Vernon.

115/3 29 overs

OUT, Shah out. Top edges a sweep off Botha lands on Vernon's chest, and bounces back into his hands.

Boy can seriously not field.

Crowd seemed a bit weirded out by it all, and so they should be, if he didn't have a strong chest he'd be dead by now.

England it a spot of bother old chap.

Freddy in.

Could be wrong, but thought i heard of no ball from the crowd when Botha released a "delivery".

113/2 28 overs

Vernon has a bit of junk in his trunk, possible member of the future big ass xi.

Bowls with chewy in his mouth, i'd be afraid i'd choke.

Vernon's regular speed is 80 clicks, his slower ball is 58 and it was a bouncer, it almost didn't make KP.

Ap, i heard recently that Bumble got to talk with the creators of the bumble for PM campaign via the telephone.

106/2 27 overs

Botha is bowling hand grenades.

Vernon is on, awesome.

103/2 26 overs

Kallis almost gets another wicket inside edge that dropped short of Boucher.

He looked up bemused, as usual.

Bumble thinks they are still looking at 280.

Are they?

He just joined the jrod Swanny troupe.

99/2 25 overs

Run rate still at 4 an over.

Smith has them all back on the fence for Botha, even though its 4 an over.

Edladd has said Swann might have been assed for saying he will go to Pakistan with or without his team mates.

If he does that i'll travel with him, and we'll start up our own comedy troupe.

96/2 24 overs

When will we get to see Vernon?

Shah still in first gear, KP hasn't done much yet.

Knight and Beefy still at each other.

For an aggressive batsman Knight is a negative bastard.

92/2 23 overs

I forgot how ugly Botha's action is, would make Murali cringe.

And he still can't bowl.

87/2 22 overs

Prior slogs a big six off Kallis.

Then he is out, almost identical to Bell.

Kallis has by far been the worst bowler today and has the only two wickets.

Johan Botha to come on. 78/1 20 overs

Bell plays a very stylish back foot shot to the over boundary for one, yawn.

OUT, Bell, Ab takes a ripper at point of kallis, and Bell has made 35 off 69 in what can only be described as a wet blanket innings from the ginger one.

Wasn't a great ball, just a typically wide one from Kallis and a open faced slap from Bell.

Shah in.

Beefy says we can't mention his average, so i will mention his strike rate of 75 after 20 odd matches, for a bloke who batted at 6 or 7 it's pretty piss poor.

Shah's red skivvy is so red the Tv is having trouble processing it, it looks like gumboot red to me.

Does anyone know why Swann is not playing?

75/0 19 overs

Gunther bowls a great bouncer then pulls out a tongue biting type thing.

Wonder why he has 89 on his shirt?

Prior swings as hard as he can, and the ball treacles into the boundary rope at long on.

Gunther's tongue is going overdrive here, top work.

Only score in the over was the heave.

71/0 18 overs

Ntini finally off, Kallis on.

Bell has made more runs than Prior so far, see what happens when you farm the strike kiddies.

Beefy sasys over 10 overs since the last boundary, not a happy chappy.

6 off that over, wow.

And drinks.

To answer AP's question about Prior, he should have been out twice, but Kallis was fat, and Vernon was crap. But compared to Bell, Prior has looked good.

Which is saying very little.

65/0 17 overs

Bells' weird talking to himself thing as the bowler is coming in is annoying me.

Beefy called their batting style plodding.

Run rate has been below 4 an over for quite a while.

Bell still looks earnest.

Gunther still bowling a very good spell on a flat wicket.

62/ 0 16 overs

Next powerplay taken, why not, it's not as if England are trying to score.

Bell looks earnest.

Ntini in a great groove.

59/0 15 overs

Kym votes for VD Philander as well.

South Africa haven't taken a wicket, but they are on top.

Prior is getting itchy, or bored at Bell.

Gunther has bowled a great little spell, there is just a hint of homicidal maniac in his eyes, and he usually reserves that for test cricket.

Even bounced Prior.

Nasser tells me 15 runs off the last 5 in the powerplay.

56/0 14 overs

Technical difficulties, sorry.

But you missed very little, Ntini bowled a slower ball and both batsman miss timed drives that dropped short of the fielders.

Also Lisa mentions Blofeld stealing my line.

48/0 12 overs

Prior was on 24 when he was dropped, Vernon ruined my prophetic moment.

Ntini still on, they will try and bowl him as much as they can in this kind of form. PLus he bowls rubbish at the end these days.

Scoring is not a priority for the England at this stage, they are consolidating after not losing any wickets.

46/0 11 overs

Gunther on.

Miriam suggests you all buying me a lap top, I concur.

Gunther is fired up now. Vernon drops and absolute sitter off Prior.

Absolute.

Sitter.

Gunther is breathing fire.

Crap shot from Prior, a one handed scoop to mid off.

44/0 10 overs

Good pitch for batting. England should probably be taking further advantage of this, Bell is slowly getting more aggressive. But he is batting at a 50 strike rate.

Smith will still think they are going ok, so they will take another powerplay here, England will want to step up now.

Good base, time for a few more hits.

42/0 9 overs

Run rate is not much, England are obviously not thinking of cashing in on the power plays.

Bell almost bunted one to mid wicket, fell short.

According to Pollock, Gibbs gave Ab the point position in a ceremony, those boys know how to party, i wonder if they had a group prayer afterwards.

Ap not at the ground, am on the couch, but if i had a laptop that worked, well....

37/0 8 overs

Bell looks solid, but not like scoring runs at any sort of pace just yet. And then he plays and misses. I think Ntini has worked out the line and length to stop Bell scoring.

Ab had a Jonty style run out opportunity, looked out on first view if it hit, which it didn't.

34/0 7 overs

Prior just smashed one through cover in the air for a barn rattling 4. In fact he hit it that hard the ball so hard it wet itself, or it ended in a puddle.

New old ball is brought out, I said something similar to an umpire one day, and he said, tell your bowler to stop bowling pies and the batsman won't be able to hit it into a puddle outside the ground. harsh, but fair.

Miriam votes for Vd Philander, although doesn't think the name Vernon is funny.

I just realised Graeme Swann is not playing, Patel is.

29/0 6 overs

Good start from England.

Ntini starts with a wide, but other than that he has a bit of mojo back. Ofcourse his problem in one day games often comes later, when his angle and bounce go for plenty.

27/0 5 overs

Prior smoked one off his pads. He has 3 boundaries, but i am not convinced yet. I think he will make a promising 20odd.

Next ball he almost puled one to mid off.

When Steyn is fired up he runs in with a i just ate the last cup cake grin.

22/0 4 overs

Bell worked the over well there, Ntini is look nervous.

If anyone would like to comment on what name is more fun to say JP Duminy or Vernon Philander, i'd be interested to know.

Bumble is bringing up the "you've just dropped the world cup" line for Gibbs. Some things you never live down.

Bell looks Solid, Prior looks a bit squidgy. Not sure if that is a word.

17/0 3 overs

Steyn is everywhere this over. Not his fault, ball really hooping for him.

Sandwich finished.

Gibbs looks like he hasn't been in Asif's locker for a while, if you catch my meaning.

Vernon Philander(er) is playing, great name, say it out loud.

12/0 good ntini over

Prior looks a little late on everything, but still managed a good cover drive.

almost finished my sandwich.

Someone named ian gould is umpiring, great hat.

7/0 Steyn gets prior to nick one, and Kallis does a great version of a statue.

Both morkels out. I miss Baby Face Albie.

Wicket is a little green, and I broke the yoke on one egg.

Still my sandwich, so might be a slow start.

Steyn to Bell.

Egg, bacon & mushrooms.

At the toss.

Nick Knight looks like he should be hosting Getaway with Brendan Julian.

KP wins the toss, and bats, and then talks about how he picked Harmy.

Remember that in case he fails terribly.

Prior and Bell to open, so prior will get 5 games before he is assholed.

Graeme Smith has a slight case of ginger side burns, which means a terrible dye job, I assume.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

the south african jesus

You remember Hansie Cronje don't you.

He's dead now, apparently neither satan or jesus could save him.

Outside of South Africa he is thought of as a dirty match fixing fucker.

Inside South Africa he is thought of as a hero and a one wayward christian soldier who did very little wrong other than a bit of match fixing.

History depends on how your write it, or in this case, how you film it.

So when Frans Cronje, brother of Hansie, and acclaimed Christian Auteur making a film about his brother you know it's going to be a fair and balanced film on a match fixer.

It is called Hansie, brillaint.

This is the tagline "The legacy of a hero, the story of a man".

Subtle.

The first line in the plot says "How do you start over once you have betrayed a nation's trust?".

The answer is by finding jesus.

But apparently the film delves slightly deeper than that.

Francois Rautenbach is Hansie, and he was also in Faith like Potatoes a Christian film festival winning film made by Frans.

Jonathon Hearns plays Steve WAugh, and his major role was playing MArket patron in King SOlomon's Mines, a role he received rave reveiws for.

Hearns is South African, apparently they couldn't find an Australian born again Christian actor to play Waugh.

Can't wait for the accent.

Here is a special competition for Cricket With Balls fans.

Anyone who can get me an advanced copy of this film on DVD before it hits the screens will receive a song written about their favourite player.

Burn it, steal it, get saved by Jesus, I don't care, i need to see this film.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

OBO England v South Africa one dayer (first innings only)

Welcome to the Cronje Lamb cup.

Refresh every 5 minutes or so for OBO goodness.

275/4 end of innings

last over

Ball one from Steyn full straight and dug out to cover where Gibbs does a great job of saving it.

Ball two Freddy tries to dance outside off again, but Steyn is quicker and he gets cleaned bowled. 78 off 70.

KP gave Harmy confidence in the last test, and it worked, this game he did the same thing for Freddy, and it worked again.

Ball three full and straight to Wright who forces it to midwicket for a run.

Ball four Full and chases Kp down the legside, flicks it to square for one.

Ball five on a good legth and straight, wright backs back and tries to slog it, leaving the ball somewhere near his feet for one.

Ball six straight on a good length again KP slogs it off the inside edge for one.

Great over to Steyn.

90 off 82 to KP.

94 off the last ten.

Beef asks who would have thought they would make this many.

Well Bumble did you dunce.

Do you listen to anyone other than yourself idiot?

And to answer Lisa's question of faith.

Lisa, clearly you are Welsh, there is a toll that needs to be paid to get into your country, but there is still a definite speration between the two.

Plus you have your own language, it sounds like a someone talking to someone with a gerbil in their mouth.

So yes call them Pommie bastards, because it feels good.

Also, when looking at the article you mention, let me say this, I have NEVER EVER said that New Texas (Queensland) is part of Australia, so if you take that out, Australia has won less than England.

Thanks to everyone who read, and especially to those who commented.

270/3 49 overs

Vernon T back on.

They are going him but he looks ok.

Oh Ab has missed another one, 4 again.

Is it too late for Gibbs to ask for point to be given back.

Now KP smacks one straight as well.

Vernon getting a bit of a touch up.

257/3 48 overs

Steyn gets a good old fashioned spanking.

Hasn’t had a great day and Freddy and Kp take him to the Laundromat.

Was a great over in here between Gunter and Freddy but my computer ate it.

233/3 46 overs

Vernon T was on fire, so Smith brought Steyn on.

KP charges down at Steyn's 2nd slower ball for the over and it almost knocks AB over the rope with it, not often you see him miss field.

KP follows the 4 up with a back foot slog off a half volley for 6.

Good move Smith.

South Africa jsut had the momentum, Steyn has given it back for the 2nd time.

Richie's prediction is gone.

Bumble's 280 just woke up.

218/3 45 overs

Gunter needs 6 yorkers now.

Starts with one.

5 to go.

KP decides to bat 3 foot outside off leg and hits it back to Gunter, and then runs, gunter misses, good bowling.

Freddy makes his fifty by going outside of off stump and flicks it past fine leg.

Gunter bowls a good over there, if not for a bit of Freddyness would have been a great over.

211/3 44 overs

Vernon still on.

Every second over he bowls a good one, he is due for a bad one, but he bowled a ripper.

Only 3 from it.

Boy does have something.

And not just a leg spinning slower ball you could see at night with sun glasses on.

208/3 43 overs

If taufel was wearing the Gould's hat it may well have been out.

Kallis is off injured, he flattaned a bit of turf,ut the turf faught back.

Gunter is back inthe block hole.

Hawkeye says out to the LB.

Gunter leaves the blockhole eventually, he tries to trick freddy with a short one outside off, it didn't work and Gunter ruins his good over.

200/3 42 overs

Smith has faith in vernon T, has kept him on.

Boucher and KP took their eyes off that one.

Vernon has come back well so far.

Miriam gets english in the comments.

Vernon strikes Kp straight in front, oh my on the replay that looked out.

But Simon said no .

194/3 41 overs

Drop our knickers time now.

Gunter comes back on and Kp follows up a smack through cover to the rope with a sweep for four.

KP's 50 is up off 55.

South Africa have tried all their cards in the last 7 overs, except for Kallis, and everyone of them has been smoted.

England are still only one or two wickets from a modest score, but while these two are firing, and South Africa are collapsing they look like they can make a score.

181/3 40 overs

Kallis fell asleep, and a no ball was called when he forgot to waddle into the circle.

KP is with Freddy now, straight slow off Vernon T for a boundary.

Tries another swipe next ball, but only a single.

Vernon's slower ball almost breaks the site screen when Freddy smacks it.

This might be the end of his spell.

170/3 39 overs

Botha back on.

Makes sense, but probably came two overs too late.

Freddy is seeing them quite well now and scoring at close to run a ball.

Partnership 50 off 62.

Botha isn't helping my slow balling logic by bowling Freddy a full toss, which luckily for Botha he only gets 2 off.

Then he bowls a waste high one to Kp just for kicks, fucken useless chucker.

Big over.

Those 3 off the quicks have set them up nicely now.

160/3 38 overs

Vernon is back. Ntini ousted.

And Vernon beats Freddy first one.

Two dot balls, slower bowler perhaps?

Three...

And a single.

Game seems harder for England again.

Dot ball, a crap one, but a dot none the less.

And a single.

Two off the over, compared with 6, 11 & 7 over the last three off proper quicks.

158/3 37 overs

Freddy even had his bling out there.

South Africa had the game by the nuts before the new old old ball was taken and Smith decided on the two quicks.

Gunther doesn't look fit in the field, he didn't at the Oval either.

Steyn slows Freddy down with a slower ball.

Who just said that?

Oh it was me, and now Nasser is copying me, bloody steve waugh wannabe.

152/3 36 overs

Ntini back on.

Problem is that with the harder ball, the batsman already look alot more comfortable.

Although Freddy takes a 9 iron to Ntini and lobs it a yard short of the green for 2.

Freddy is in da House.

Walks down the wicket and swats him through cover for a HARD four.

Let's get the party started now.

11 runs in that over. shazam.

141/3 35 overs

New old old ball taken.

Steyn back on.

Freddy wanders down the wicket and plops one though cover to the fence.

An actual boundary.

I remember them.

134/3 34 overs

yawn.

130/3 33 overs

KP tries to run himself out by diving and bouncing his bat around.

Touch and go, but i think not out, just, but it's a fitty fitty one.

Not out.

First exciting thing to happen in a while.

126/3 32 overs

Not much happened.

KP and Freddy want to take off.

But vernon did bowl another good over.

123/3 31 overs

Richie says take the score at the 30 over mark, double it and take away 10 runs for any wicket after the first 2.

So 224.

Super slow mo on Botha's action show that the "work" he has had done on his action hasn't seemed to really improve it.

That said, he should have had KP out LB just then.

117/3 30 overs

Shah faced 26 for his 12. England top order have chewed through the balls on what seems like a pretty good pitch, maybe a touch slow, but not hard to bat on.

Run rate still under 4.

Better over for Vernon.

115/3 29 overs

OUT, Shah out. Top edges a sweep off Botha lands on Vernon's chest, and bounces back into his hands.

Boy can seriously not field.

Crowd seemed a bit weirded out by it all, and so they should be, if he didn't have a strong chest he'd be dead by now.

England it a spot of bother old chap.

Freddy in.

Could be wrong, but thought i heard of no ball from the crowd when Botha released a "delivery".

113/2 28 overs

Vernon has a bit of junk in his trunk, possible member of the future big ass xi.

Bowls with chewy in his mouth, i'd be afraid i'd choke.

Vernon's regular speed is 80 clicks, his slower ball is 58 and it was a bouncer, it almost didn't make KP.

Ap, i heard recently that Bumble got to talk with the creators of the bumble for PM campaign via the telephone.

106/2 27 overs

Botha is bowling hand grenades.

Vernon is on, awesome.

103/2 26 overs

Kallis almost gets another wicket inside edge that dropped short of Boucher.

He looked up bemused, as usual.

Bumble thinks they are still looking at 280.

Are they?

He just joined the jrod Swanny troupe.

99/2 25 overs

Run rate still at 4 an over.

Smith has them all back on the fence for Botha, even though its 4 an over.

Edladd has said Swann might have been assed for saying he will go to Pakistan with or without his team mates.

If he does that i'll travel with him, and we'll start up our own comedy troupe.

96/2 24 overs

When will we get to see Vernon?

Shah still in first gear, KP hasn't done much yet.

Knight and Beefy still at each other.

For an aggressive batsman Knight is a negative bastard.

92/2 23 overs

I forgot how ugly Botha's action is, would make Murali cringe.

And he still can't bowl.

87/2 22 overs

Prior slogs a big six off Kallis.

Then he is out, almost identical to Bell.

Kallis has by far been the worst bowler today and has the only two wickets.

Johan Botha to come on. 78/1 20 overs

Bell plays a very stylish back foot shot to the over boundary for one, yawn.

OUT, Bell, Ab takes a ripper at point of kallis, and Bell has made 35 off 69 in what can only be described as a wet blanket innings from the ginger one.

Wasn't a great ball, just a typically wide one from Kallis and a open faced slap from Bell.

Shah in.

Beefy says we can't mention his average, so i will mention his strike rate of 75 after 20 odd matches, for a bloke who batted at 6 or 7 it's pretty piss poor.

Shah's red skivvy is so red the Tv is having trouble processing it, it looks like gumboot red to me.

Does anyone know why Swann is not playing?

75/0 19 overs

Gunther bowls a great bouncer then pulls out a tongue biting type thing.

Wonder why he has 89 on his shirt?

Prior swings as hard as he can, and the ball treacles into the boundary rope at long on.

Gunther's tongue is going overdrive here, top work.

Only score in the over was the heave.

71/0 18 overs

Ntini finally off, Kallis on.

Bell has made more runs than Prior so far, see what happens when you farm the strike kiddies.

Beefy sasys over 10 overs since the last boundary, not a happy chappy.

6 off that over, wow.

And drinks.

To answer AP's question about Prior, he should have been out twice, but Kallis was fat, and Vernon was crap. But compared to Bell, Prior has looked good.

Which is saying very little.

65/0 17 overs

Bells' weird talking to himself thing as the bowler is coming in is annoying me.

Beefy called their batting style plodding.

Run rate has been below 4 an over for quite a while.

Bell still looks earnest.

Gunther still bowling a very good spell on a flat wicket.

62/ 0 16 overs

Next powerplay taken, why not, it's not as if England are trying to score.

Bell looks earnest.

Ntini in a great groove.

59/0 15 overs

Kym votes for VD Philander as well.

South Africa haven't taken a wicket, but they are on top.

Prior is getting itchy, or bored at Bell.

Gunther has bowled a great little spell, there is just a hint of homicidal maniac in his eyes, and he usually reserves that for test cricket.

Even bounced Prior.

Nasser tells me 15 runs off the last 5 in the powerplay.

56/0 14 overs

Technical difficulties, sorry.

But you missed very little, Ntini bowled a slower ball and both batsman miss timed drives that dropped short of the fielders.

Also Lisa mentions Blofeld stealing my line.

48/0 12 overs

Prior was on 24 when he was dropped, Vernon ruined my prophetic moment.

Ntini still on, they will try and bowl him as much as they can in this kind of form. PLus he bowls rubbish at the end these days.

Scoring is not a priority for the England at this stage, they are consolidating after not losing any wickets.

46/0 11 overs

Gunther on.

Miriam suggests you all buying me a lap top, I concur.

Gunther is fired up now. Vernon drops and absolute sitter off Prior.

Absolute.

Sitter.

Gunther is breathing fire.

Crap shot from Prior, a one handed scoop to mid off.

44/0 10 overs

Good pitch for batting. England should probably be taking further advantage of this, Bell is slowly getting more aggressive. But he is batting at a 50 strike rate.

Smith will still think they are going ok, so they will take another powerplay here, England will want to step up now.

Good base, time for a few more hits.

42/0 9 overs

Run rate is not much, England are obviously not thinking of cashing in on the power plays.

Bell almost bunted one to mid wicket, fell short.

According to Pollock, Gibbs gave Ab the point position in a ceremony, those boys know how to party, i wonder if they had a group prayer afterwards.

Ap not at the ground, am on the couch, but if i had a laptop that worked, well....

37/0 8 overs

Bell looks solid, but not like scoring runs at any sort of pace just yet. And then he plays and misses. I think Ntini has worked out the line and length to stop Bell scoring.

Ab had a Jonty style run out opportunity, looked out on first view if it hit, which it didn't.

34/0 7 overs

Prior just smashed one through cover in the air for a barn rattling 4. In fact he hit it that hard the ball so hard it wet itself, or it ended in a puddle.

New old ball is brought out, I said something similar to an umpire one day, and he said, tell your bowler to stop bowling pies and the batsman won't be able to hit it into a puddle outside the ground. harsh, but fair.

Miriam votes for Vd Philander, although doesn't think the name Vernon is funny.

I just realised Graeme Swann is not playing, Patel is.

29/0 6 overs

Good start from England.

Ntini starts with a wide, but other than that he has a bit of mojo back. Ofcourse his problem in one day games often comes later, when his angle and bounce go for plenty.

27/0 5 overs

Prior smoked one off his pads. He has 3 boundaries, but i am not convinced yet. I think he will make a promising 20odd.

Next ball he almost puled one to mid off.

When Steyn is fired up he runs in with a i just ate the last cup cake grin.

22/0 4 overs

Bell worked the over well there, Ntini is look nervous.

If anyone would like to comment on what name is more fun to say JP Duminy or Vernon Philander, i'd be interested to know.

Bumble is bringing up the "you've just dropped the world cup" line for Gibbs. Some things you never live down.

Bell looks Solid, Prior looks a bit squidgy. Not sure if that is a word.

17/0 3 overs

Steyn is everywhere this over. Not his fault, ball really hooping for him.

Sandwich finished.

Gibbs looks like he hasn't been in Asif's locker for a while, if you catch my meaning.

Vernon Philander(er) is playing, great name, say it out loud.

12/0 good ntini over

Prior looks a little late on everything, but still managed a good cover drive.

almost finished my sandwich.

Someone named ian gould is umpiring, great hat.

7/0 Steyn gets prior to nick one, and Kallis does a great version of a statue.

Both morkels out. I miss Baby Face Albie.

Wicket is a little green, and I broke the yoke on one egg.

Still my sandwich, so might be a slow start.

Steyn to Bell.

Egg, bacon & mushrooms.

At the toss.

Nick Knight looks like he should be hosting Getaway with Brendan Julian.

KP wins the toss, and bats, and then talks about how he picked Harmy.

Remember that in case he fails terribly.

Prior and Bell to open, so prior will get 5 games before he is assholed.

Graeme Smith has a slight case of ginger side burns, which means a terrible dye job, I assume.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

special bite size treat

For those who are around, I am trying to get back into the OBO speed of things by doing a bit of first innings work today.

So tune in at around 2ish for the magic of a cricket with balls OBO.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Canada?

Australia aren’t going to Pakistan.

Now South Africa aren’t going.

England aren’t sure, but Graeme Swann is playing, with himself if he has to.

New Zealand probably won’t go.

This would never have happened if the ICC “show us the money” tournament was in Canada.

Who has ever been afraid to go to Canada, other than the South Park boys.

I think that if this tournament should go ahead, it should be in developing nations.

Give away free tickets, they’ll still make the money from TV rights, the smaller countries will feel excited to be there, and new people will see the game.

Of course that doesn’t help Pakistan, you remember them, white people used to play cricket there.

This tournament should just be cancelled, or quickly moved to somewhere else, and the white teams need to be made to explain exactly why they don’t want to travel there.

Not hide behind a 2 day security report, but explain why they asked for an ICC security report, that said touring was ok and still pulled out.

Then they tournament should be moved to Canada.

Don’t you think?www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

McGain gets wordy

After his promotion to Austraia A dutites, I asked Nice Bryce McGain for a quote for the CWB faithful, i got this.
"Exciting times".
Concise, well composed and straight to the point.

Why, because Bryce knows this is not the place for a long winded wordy piece of crap.

That place is cric info.
"This is the opportunity, You can't do it when you're running around the Tan [running track] in the middle of winter in Melbourne, you can do it when you get an opportunity to play cricket. Being across in India is the right place to do it."

Bryce is right though, no one has ever taking wickets running around the tan, but they do get a great perve.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

How Not To Use Powerplays

At the moment, England are half-way through their innings in the first ODI against South Africa. Usually, it is prudent to wait until the end of a game to make judgments about a team's performance. In this case, however, there is still a chance that England might bludgeon their way to a respectable total and/or bowl well enough to win the game. So I'm going to make this assessment now, with the score at 113/3.

The Powerplay overs are the best time in the game to score runs. The Powerplay concept was created to make it easier for batsmen to score runs. That is the point. A big score during these overs is a necessity in modern day cricket, a score of 78-1 at their end is a victory for bowlers regardless of the conditions. Boundaries are the key currency, both through piercing the necessarily-crowded infield and by going over it.

Today, we picked ostensibly the right opening partnership. We have Bell, a cultured strokemaker but one who is more than capable of scoring at a run a ball throughout his innings. Then we have Prior, the latest in a series of pinch-hitters being asked to emulate Adam Gilchrist, but a player who has shown the form for Sussex this season to suggest he is up to the task. So far so good.

Bell is then sent out with the express instruction of batting through the innings. I fail to see how anyone can bat in that manner without being given that instruction. Certainly not a player whose instinct is to play shots, and who has all the shots in his locker. But it happened, Bell managed to bat for 19 Powerplay overs - you know, the ones promoting aggression and boundary-hitting - without hitting a single boundary and at a strike rate of 50.72. He did lots of leaving, and lots of defending, which is against his instincts and must be part of a grand plan. And then got himself out for 35 (surely not a start which wasn't capitalised on...?) by slashing a loose ball to point. *

Let's leave aside the fact that this is the worst of both worlds for the aspiring ODI anchorman (scoring at below the optimum rate for the first 20 overs, and then getting out, leaving the "hitters" to play around each other). The mere fact that the concept of an anchorman is still alive and kicking in any major international cricket side is worrying enough. It was last tried by England at the 2007 World Cup, where it was an abject failure and relentlessly pilloried in England and internationally. These days, teams bat so deep that losing a couple of wickets at the top of the order in exchange for a higher strike rate is fine. In England's case, we have Stuart Broad (whose is being touted as a potential Test no. 6 and who has played at least one match-winning innings at ODI level) coming in at no. 9.

That means that teams can now afford to carry on attacking even when they are four or five down, because they have players lower down the order who are capable of picking up the pieces. The risks are lower, which makes the risk/reward ratio higher. If our top five got out and we were left with Bopara, Wright, Patel (admittedly unproven at this level, think Swann instead) and Broad to get us over the line, it wouldn't be great but it wouldn't be the end of the world.

The modern version of the anchorman is for one partner in any partnership to try to nudge the ball around and score at a run a ball (note to Peter Moores: this is a strike rate of 100.00), whilst the other tries to blast the boundaries (aiming for a strike rate of, say, 150.00). Then, when the blaster falls, the nudger becomes the blaster whilst the new batsman settles by nudging. Obviously it's not that simple, and nobody is suggesting that a par score in every ODI is 300, but it should be the mindset of the players involved. If you want an example of that sort of innings in action (albeit in a different format), you could do a lot worse than watch Owais Shah's innings in the Twenty20 final - it took my breath away.

It was suggested in parts of the press this week that this could be a pivotal series for Peter Moores. If he oversees a return to the darkest days of Duncan Fletcher, that might not be as silly as it sounds.

*For those of you who are interested, I thought Prior did a decent enough job with his 42 at 80.76. The timing of his dismissal wasn't great, but he was trying to hit England out of a flatline which is what he is there for.

when the music stops

Pakistan has a big uncontrollable dog.

No one wants to take their kids to a place with a nasty dog.

First South Africa offered their place, but people had just been there, and it’s a long way to travel.

Then Sri Lanka offered, but it doesn’t have a hexagonal gazebo, and people were worried about the weather.

Now Jamie Siddons, of Bangladesh coaching fame, is offering is to come over and take Australia's place should they or any other white sides opt out.

It’s a fucken game of musical chairs at this stage.

And Pakistan haven’t even lost their chair and Australia may still be playing in this tournament, somehwere.

I think Canada should host it and play it.

And then it should be renamed the John Davison trophy.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Brett Lee doesn't smoke

Brett Lee has separated from his wife.

How is that news?

Why do I need to know that?

If a man and a woman are having troubles in their relationship, I don’t need to know.

Lee’s people don’t need to make public announcements.

As long as he isn’t beating her, having sex with children or animals, what ever happens between him and his wife is his business.

If he wants to have homosexual love fests with a bunch of bears that like to rim job during defecation, he can.

If he wants to be dominated by a 7 foot tall Chinese woman who strips him down naked coats him in marmite and likes to slap him with sticks of bamboo while singing show tunes, he can.

All I need to know about Brett Lee is that he takes wickets.

And the occasionally swipe over mid off.

I don’t care about his love life, or his relationship.

Since when isn’t personal reasons enough to pull out of a tour anyway.

Yesterday I bagged Lee, not because he pulled out of the tour, but because his underpants sale went on.

But I didn’t want to know what the family reason was.

Does anyone benefit by knowing where Bill Clinton’s cigars have been?

Sure I take this piss out of the players, especially of useless rumours about them, but i don't think anyone needs to know if Lee's marriage is on the rocks.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Australia A - the verdict

The “A” side is off to India, and with Australia looking as fragile as they have in a long time, this could be an “A” team that ends up in the test arena.

What I think the team will be.

Katich (NSW) captain & opening bat, Peter Roebuck would be happy. I would have preferred to see Marcus North get the job. But one decided to stay in Western Australia, the other decided to move to NSWales. The Krab is a test player, for any other country, even if I hate him.

Phillip Hughes (NSW), opening bat. Is only a foetus, but can play, Made a few runs this year, and being that opening batsman in Australia are hard to come by probably not a bad choice.

Adam Voges (WA), 3. Been around for a while now, seems to have missed out as the Australian team’s back up one day batsman to Future PM. Can bat, but would doubt he will ever play for Australia.

Marcus North (WA), 4. When he makes runs, he makes them by the truck load. Has a great cricket brain, but has been an ‘A” guy for a while now without ever really looking like playing for Australia.

George Bailey (Tas), 5. Has been picked on potential, and the season before this. Is the batsman all teams try and get through in Tasmania,

Luke Ronchi (WA) keeper & 6. Anyone who saw him in the Windies knows this kid has a little sumtin sumtin.

Ashley Noffke (QLD) opening bowler & 7. This may be his audition for the same spot a month later when the big boys tour.

Beau Casson (NSW) chinaman & 8/9. Him Vs Bryce for the first test.

Ryan Harris (QLD via SA) first change & 8/9. Nickname is rhino, and does play like that. Strong as a mofo on ice, and can bowl all day full, quick and pretty damn well. Also a more than handy number 9, could easily be a number 7 in a weaker batting line up.

Bryce McGain (VIC) leggie & tail. If he out bowls Casson he gets a baggy green.

Doug Bollinger (NSW) left arm opener & tail. Could be the face of Australian bowling for the next ten years, Doesn’t look like much, but picks up wickets waiting for a taxi.

Peter Siddle (VIC) back up quick & tail. If he could stay fit for a whole season we could tell if he is the real deal or a lucky boy. But every time he plays he gets wickets, hard to argue with that.

Peter Forrest (NSW) back up batsman. No idea why he is here, oh wait NSWales. Saw him face Dirty Dirk one day sucking his thumb and asking for mummy.

Jason Krezja (TAS) back up offie & 7/8. Has a modest record but a confident lad who can bat a bit, would be lucky to play ahead of anyone here, but if he gets a game and gets wickets he could maybe leap frog McGain or Casson, but I doubt it.

Overall a pretty good squad.

Can bat till 9, or till 10 if Krejza plays ahead of McGain.

Bowling looks a lot better than the batting, especially with Noffke at 7 giving you an extra bowler.

Like most Australian A sides there is at least 7 players who would get a game for most test nations right now.

If the top order can make runs, could be a good series for the lads.

Players who would be a little miffed at missing out.

Chris Rogers as opener, he played a test match this year, right?

Luke Pomersbach, just because you look, smell, and drink like a lumberjack doesn’t mean you don’t deserve an “A” spot if you have made as many runs as he has.

Dan Cullen, without looking I’d say he probably still took more wickets than Krezja, but, I think someone else should get a go anyway.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Player Discussion : Andrew Symonds

Author: bladescapeSubject: Andrew SymondsPosted: 21 August 2008 at 12:49pmSymonds is a good ODI player,but Watson has the raw ability to overtake Symmo in the test arena.

from wales with mints

He took so many wickets at first class level, that it took a man of Geoff Millers stature to look past him.

Now Simon Jones, the welsh weapon, is injured and finished for the year.

That’s what they tell you.

Australians know better.

We understand that he is just placing himself in cotton wool so he can be mentos fresh for the Ashes next year.

Jones realises that in the eyes of the English, the Ashes is bigger than cricket (well that is what Gary Naylor said).

Jones also understands that home series gain more excitement than away series.

So he is rip raring and ready to go for next year.

He doesn’t need to bowl a ball between now and then, this half a year was just a run around the park to make sure he remembers how to roll his arm over.

He does, now back to bed sweet angel, mummy will call when she needs you.

The English are a cunning bunch when they want to be, picking Eyelids Pattinson was just to lull Australia into the most insanely false sense of security ever

Then to make sure Australia were still watching KP sprouts some nonsense.

The Joke will be on them when Australia draw with India and draw with South Africa before they get there.

Other things England will do to try and win next years Ashes.

Make Kylie Minogue a citizen.

Let Harmy lose form again.

Assassinate Nick Cave and say the Paparazzi caused an accident.

Recall Ian Salisbury for India.

Send Germaine Greer home

Lose to Sri Lanka, hard.

Vote Kenny the best English film ever made.

And make an annoying bastard their captain, ie: Sourav Ganguly, Arjuna Ranatunga or Graeme Smith.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

drugs are cool, but wrong

This song reminds me of a David Boon box grab.

Go visit Mundo Jazz.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig

Bangladesh less important than Underpants

Brett Lee is missing the upcoming series against Bangladesh due to family reasons.

But his new underwear line goes ahead unabated.

To be an Australia cricketer these days you need to be able to say no to touring, even if the tour is only in Darwin.

Darwin is not safe this time of year, those crocodiles are jihadists, or reptiles, I always get those two confused.

Who cares about Lee though, I’ve seen him.

You know who I haven’t seen play for Australia.

Brett Geeves.

Best hair in the business.

Also there isn't alot of changes that need to be placed on the team sheet, they are both named Brett, and both have multiples e's in their surname.

And good to see a Tasmanian in the side, the last a Tasmanian played for Australia was Shaun Young.

Since then, not one.

True story.www.cricketwithballs.com... fighting the war on tony greig