England domestic awards part three

The Thomas Stander award for best South African who does not want to play for his country

Martin Van Jaarsveld won the MVP award this year and was part of the amazing almost run of Kent he seemed to make runs every time I saw him.

Tyrone Henderson played a good game or two, and about a billion stupid shots, but he is here because of that 1970’s porn star hair.

Ryan McLaren played for Kent as well, and he bats and bowls, and does all sorts other things I’m sure, he really impressed me, and the South African one day team could use him.

But the winner is Jacques Rudolph who yawned his way through most of the year, and still scored more runs than Elvis.

The John Farnham Award for best Australian who will have to get used never be an International performer

The ginger almost Victorian Chris Rogers made so many runs that Derbyshire gave him the captaincy while gasping in awe.

Justin Langer played for somerset again, and tried to convince people county cricket was as good as state cricket while having Andy Caddick in his side.

The Italian devil Michael Divenuto popped in for just a thousand runs after retiring from state cricket.

But the winner is Darren Pattinson who took so many wickets in this season he was made English for 5 days.

The Djimon Hounsou award for best performance by an International player of colour

Pedro Collins came over and helped Surrey towards relegation, but to be fair everytime I saw him bowl he looked pretty good, but no one could catch, so it mattered little.

Mushtaq Ahmed retired, but did so with such grace that he almost wins this award for that and his beard alone.

Sure Danish Kaneira is a bit boring, but he still takes wickets, and he did so for Essex this year, but that was in division 2, so no one cared.

The winner is my man Imran Tahir who came, saw, conquered, disappeared, came back and conquered again, and kept his head band on for the whole thing.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box