hard to find a man

Australia hadn’t played a test when Byrce McGain was sent home.

Phab Phil Jaques was sent home without any real fanfare.

And now The Perfect Boyfriend, Jacob Oram, the key to New Zealand’s test win is going home.

Add in Stuart Clark’s elbow and the fact Chris Martin, everyone’s favourite guy who looks like a date rapist but is a swell fella, didn’t even make the trip.

Are White players this afraid of Darker nations that they will purposefully injure themselves.

Obviously.

Oram’s injury is his lower back, this would imply that he bent it, we know better.

Jaques injury was his back, this was from imitating the Krab Katich in the nets.

Shaun Marsh has been sent over to replace Jaques.

New Zealand would love to have a player of Shaun Marsh’s calibre as a replacement.

They would love to have a player of his calibre.

They would love to have a player available to send over of any calibre.

They would love players.

They would love a population.

Things have got desperate.

New Zealand has put up an ad in the Wellington Daily Gazette Mail.

Country seeking international cricketer:

The ideal player is someone who cares about others, is able to start things off slowly and defer to Brendan for photo shoots.

Must be: prepared to wear whites, have a knowledge of cricket, looking for a long term commitment, still considers themselves kiwi or willing to pretend or do the accent from time to time, submit to a physical by Ian Smith, likes flight of the conchords, BBM accepted, GSOH and must like Water sports.

Must not be: cops, better than Brendan, not be signed to rebel leagues or English leagues on contracts that can’t be broken, a Marhsall.

Turn ons: draws, one dayers, South African professionals, spinners who become batsmen, the IPL, and glasses.

Turn offs: 4 or 5 test series, specialist openers, anyone too quick, wrist spinners batsmen who show off with averages over 45.

We've been hurt before so we want to be sure that I'm completely ready and totally trust a person before we get too involved. We are also looking for someone who likes to travel, but mostly to the white safe countries.

Uniform provided, coach is not.

So far they have received 214 applications, all from M Sinclair.

The search continues.

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