Bust a nut big man

The love affair may be over before it started.

Badonkadonk Ryder has injured himself in a nasty bar room brawl with a toilet door.

The door made no comment on the incident.

He will need surgery to reconstruct his finger, 3 months in a padded cell and a skin graft.

No jokes about where they will find any excess skin for said graft should be entertained.

The incident happened at 5am, so there is a fair chance his night was just warming up and that he was sober.

The toilet door, 24 of Christchurch, was accidentally locked, and Ryder desperately needed to drain a kidney after all the lemonades he had been consuming.

Sprite have also declined to comment.

The NZ cricket board are upset at the incident, although unnamed sources are just happy that no players signed up to the ICL overnight or got caught with weed.

Jesse has been under a lot of pressure recently, he was heard to say only days ago “Ya know it’s hard out here for a pimp, with a whole lotta b1tches jumpin ship”.

Shane Bond and the Marshall boys had no comment either.

The Kiwi administracrats must be worried with Ryder, he seems to have way too much personality to play cricket for New Zealand, and this kind of unruly behaviour is usually only tolerated in Rugby players.

The ICL however have downgraded their offer to Ryder from 400,000 a year to 300,000 a year, but a promotional deal with Cuervo has been struck up for Ryder in Goa, so that should lessen his pain.

It is the cricket public who will really suffer, with Ryder’s 3 month absence, Peter Fulton or Lou Vincent may come back, and that is a pain far worse than putting your hand through a window.

So far unsubstantiated reports have stated that Darren Lehmann and Shane Warne have gone over the set the boy straight.

Jesse's Parents were overheard to say, that's all he needs.

The team at Sportsfreak are all over this.

Like Jesse on a chicken wing.

That was unnecessary. www.cricketwithballs.com "Sign our David Hussey petition"