Adam don't like Badonkadonk

Adam Parore was a pretty handy keeper batsman for the Kiwis back in the day.

He didn’t set the world on fire, but he sure had some balls on him.

If I remember correctly, he used to take an hour to face up to every ball.

Sledging was his main focus in cricket, so he is someone I always admired.

Now he is in the media, and he still is only a battler, but his sledging is top notch as per usual.

He is quickly becoming the new Neil Harvey/Bishen Bedi, which means no one other than journalists looking for a rent a quote will talk to him.

Recently he has taken to bagging the new fat kid in town, Jesse Ryder.

Bagging fat people is still in, its below racism and sexism, so you don't get in trouble for saying it yet.

His official words were, “Hey fatso, your too fu©king fat too play for the Kiwis, why don’t you fu©k off to Australia and do that old bird that Mark Waugh used to shag.” Not particularly nice, but it does have a lovely flow too it.

When Jesse was allowed to reply, it was hard to hear his response, as he had 4 big macs and a subway eat fresh 7 foot long sub (with minus 3 grams of fat) in his mouth.

But it sounded like “Fu©king Parore, that fu©king @sshole, he’s a fu©king ©unt and everyone knows it, betcha he didn’t tell Greatbatch or McMillan to fu©k off for being fat. No money in it for him, pass the fries will ya dude.” Good use of the word dude.

Personally I think we should have more fat cricketers, who occasionally don’t turn up for matches and threaten to play for other countries. That could only be a good thing for cricket.

I used to hate Jacques Kallis, but now he is fat, and balding, I only despise him, and I think I’m a better man for it.

And for the NZ cricket administracrats it opens up a whole new world of marketing.

Jesse Ryder fat camps, attendance non compulsory.

Jesse on Dr Phil.

Jesse's new single, Baby's got back.

Jesse diet shakes, they give you the runs.

And the Jesse Ryder work out video, with him clad in spandex, eating burgers and scratching himself.

That is something we all want to see.

Also his first headline after making some runs is easy to write.

Ryder’s Appetite For Runs is Huge, Jesse scores big, Jesse's huge numbers, Jessie devours attack, Jesse is big and fat but he sure can bat....www.cricketwithballs.com "the only cricket blog that offers $ex with evil dragons"