KP & Andre, sitting in a tree

KP & Andre, sitting in a tree

Andre hugged KP.

It’s true.

KP said so.

Andre Nel may be a mentally unstable dude, but he has feelings.

He is the first to cry when sending his hero, Allan Donald, to hospital, and now he has hugged KP on what a very emotional day for the English number four.

Cricket With Balls is willing to give you a special dramatization of this moment.

KP floats around the change room as if he is walking on air.

He wafts from player to player giving them as much detail on his innings as he can. His delivery is similar to teenage girls talking about how Beau and Nathan kissed last night at the high school formal.

This goes on for a good 45 minutes, before all but Stuart Broad have left.

Broad sits by KP’s side for an hour, KP is ebullient, and gesticulates widly and even gives the odd squeal.

Finally he is out of breath and he pauses, only to hear “Don't want you back, Cuz you're no good for me, I know, That's all I can say, Don't want you back” coming from Stuart Broad’s Ipod mini.

Once the change room is empty, KP gathers himself and struts into the South African change room, his eyes wild with the sort of passion that excites middle aged house wives.

He exchanges glances with Graeme Smith, as their eyes meet they go cold, and the tension is literally palpable.

Nasty break ups are the worst.

Andre bounds over to him, he is wearing a black leather jacket, a fish net singlet and plus fours.

He Jumps on KP and starts to grind into him like a lonely great dane, left to fend for itself on a 4 acre estate.

KP strokes Andre’s back, which only gets the ex exiled white bowler more excited.

They take it back to the English change room, as KP notices Graeme Smith reaching for his shot gun.

Things get gropey fast in the empty change room, there is dirty talk nasty enough to strip the paint.

Andre drops his plus fours to the floor, behind him there is some sort of commotion.

KP hears the press core just outside the door.

He looks at Andre, and then back at the media pack and whispers, I’m sorry, leaving Andre in a very vulnerable state.

But one cannot ignore his true love.

True Story.www.cricketwithballs.com

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