my mole

I just received this letter under my hotel room door, which is spooky, cause I’m not staying in a hotel.

Hi Uncle J Rod,

You may not remember me, I’m the faceless corporate cricket official, we met at a Cricket Australia event, it was the Duck and Dom Pérignon night at the Melbourne Club.

I’m a big fan of your site, I find it very liberating compared to the normal staid proper cricket sites, plus I like talking about balls.

Anyhoo, in the spirit of helping out all forms of media, I thought I’d give you the latest information straight from Cricket Australia’s Waugh room.

Cricket Australia has decided to only tour countries in the future that live up to the socio economical and free democratic world that Australia is fighting for.

Here is the rulings country by country.

Bangladesh â€" We will only play them when the find bowlers capable of taking 5 wickets a test, and if they join the coalition of the willing.

England â€" No matter how many bombs blow up there, we shall fight them on the pitches.

India â€" Happy to tour there if Navjot Sidhu is locked up, and if they join the coalition of the willing.

New Zealand â€" Due to recent developments, games against NZ will be down graded to first class games, but if they continue to let refugees run free, we may play all first class games against them at home.

Pakistan â€" All tours are cancelled until they find Jesus as the savior, or the U S of A.

South Africa â€" We will continue to your there, but we would prefer the land was given back top its rightful owners, White Diamond merchants and British aristocrats.

Sri Lanka â€" We refuse to tour while the Sri Lankan government supports chuckers.

West Indies â€" Too many poor black people live there, they scare us.

Cheers and best wishes to you and all of the people you care for in the silly season,

FCCOwww.cricketwithballs.com "the hooking & pulling specialists"