In bed with Monty

You're walking through the supermarket.

Picking up your loaf of white bread a dark figure bumps into you.

He knocks your basket to the ground and quickly picks it up for you.

You can't help but look in his basket.

He has all sort's of foods in there, foods you can't believe, foods you have never dared to try.

He's different.

He's not like anyone you've dated before.

He is exotic, mysterious, and in your mind capable of taking you to places you've never been to.

But you have a boyfriend, and although he is no Mr Excitement and has no mystery or exoticness at all, but he has given you support and helped you in times of need.

You flirt with Monty and even take his number, but you leave him at the supermarket and go home and have safe and boring sex with your boyfriend, if he's not too tired.

Monty is never far from your thoughts, and one day, when your boyfriend tells the same boring story it just clicks, he is never going to change.

You need excitement, You need mystery, You need Monty.

Monty comes over, he is punctual, polite and pleasant. Not the most brilliant conversationalist, but that’s not why he’s there.

You egg him on, you talk him up, you stroke his ego so much he performs exactly as you believe he would.

He performs to his maximum, but alot of that is all the ego stroking you provide.

The sex is better than you have had in a long time, and right in that moment it is bliss. He puts it in the right areas and in your mind it is the best sex you've had, even better than those few times with the drunken poet ten years ago.

In bed Monty is a considerate lover, although not always brilliant with his hands.

He looks after your needs, he is patient, and on his day he can be quite exceptional.

The problem is that he’s extremely noisy all the time, so much so that you find it hard to tell when he’s reached his goal and when he’s just making noise. And when he does get there, he celebrates like no man you’ve ever known.

Slowly the novelty of his exotic nature starts to wear off, and you realised he is just another boring boy friend.

Sure he was caring, and your mum liked him, but he didn't light your fire.

You are in a rut, you have no reason to leave him, but he just isn't the man you thought he was.

You think rationally about the situation, he does the job I require, and he is a nice guy, I really should be happy to have found him.

Then one day you meet a really exotic young chap from Yorkshire and…www.cricketwithballs.com

Now with new proper english lady blogger.