The Neils

Welcome ladies & germs to the inaugural Neils.

It’s the awards for outstanding achievement on the field of balls.

Those who made us laugh, cry, and fling excrement.

I am your host, Vincent Price.

There are many important awards, but ofcourse the main award, the Neil, goes to the player who made the most noise whilst not playing cricket.

This award ceremony is startlingly short, only 10 hours, and contains musical performances.

Lets get into the awards.

The Charlie Manson Award
Player who is most likely loved or hated

The nominees are

Michael Vaughan
Matthew Hayden
Harbhajan Singh
Graeme Smith

And the winner is Harbhajan, any player who can slap someone, racially vilify someone and still take an assload of wickets in one year is bound to divide people.

The Dick Cheney Award
Given to a non ICC administracrat who had the most impact on the game

James Sutherland
Lalit Modi
Giles Clarke
Kapil Dev

Was this one ever in doubt, Lalit does what he pleases, like he did in college.

The Richard Branson Award
The award for most blatant self promotion

Allen Stanford
Iain O’Brien
AB De Villiers

Ok IOB and AB were only put in to make it look like Stanford might not win this one.

The Michael Moore Award
Best use of the media as propaganda

Lalit Modi
Iain O’Brien
James Sutherland
Ricky Ponting

In some peoples eyes this has to go to Lalit Modi, but had any of you heard of Iain O’Brien this time last year, now he is in everyone’s rss feeds and he controls what you read about him, because there is still very few other people writing about him. Genius.

And here is SRK and his band of lubed up men.

More to come...

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