Sportsfreak guide to the IPL

With New Zealand phasing out test cricket, they locals have to find something else to enjoy.

So Sportsfreak has put together their guide to following the IPL.

Like it or loathe it, the Indian Premier League is here, and is likely to dominate world cricket for at least 6 weeks every year for the foreseeable future. All the stars of world cricket will be there, except for the odd Englishman who may have been picked up, and it is without the likes of Ireland and Bermuda that you get at a World Cup.

So take the “If you can’t beat them, join them” approach to life and find a team to get passionate about. After all, the English Premier League and the NBA are followed avidly in New Zealand, despite the fact most people of little or no real allegiance to the sides they support.

So here at Sportsfreak we look through the squads and give tips on who to support, who to hate, who to pity, and who to laugh at.

Mumbai Indians
A nickname of stunning arrogance. Imagine a NPC side called the Auckland Kiwis. Perhaps they thought they could get away with it, given that their icon player is Sachin Tendulkar, the biggest name of them all.

Backing him up is Harbijan Singh who will travel around the country winding up Australians and performing Commando Rolls around the outfield. Jayasuria is there too, along with fellow countrymen Fernando and Malinga who will spearhead a very experienced bowling line-up.

In the mix are the inevitable pair of South Africans in the conveniently recently retired Shaun Pollock, and the brilliantly name Loots Bosman.

There is a kiwi in this side too. His name is Luke Ronchi, he plays for West Australia, and is seen by many to be the heir apparent to Gilchrist in the green and gold.

Chennai Super Kings
We presume a Super King is even more special than a normal King. Befitting such a grand title they nabbed the highest paid of them all; the highly over-rated Dhoni; captain. In front of his mirror, he is the ultimate Super King.

There is a lot that is Jekyll and Hyde about this outfit. They are the only side with 2 New Zealanders; Oram and Fleming. And they can boast Napoleon Einstein; presumably picked on account of his name.

On the flip side, it is never easy getting passionately behind a side with Murali in it, and they also have Tourrettes sufferer Matthew Hayden and statistical anomaly Mike Hussey in there. As for local players, they have the top 2 keepers in India, and that’s it.

They are owned by a guy who made his money in cement so wait for all sorts of puns about sinking and lack of footwork. The best we can hope from the Super Kings is that Oram does not break down, and lots of promising innings of 32 from Fleming.

Delhi Daredevils
Alliteration in sporting names these days is reasonably common, but a triple alliteration like that really grabs attention.

They are led by Sehwag who would appear to be in reasonable form at the moment, and the local contingent in this side is stronger than most.

Daniel Vettori will be there for the first part of the competition, and he’s joined by non drug-cheat and bat attack victim Mohammed Asif, and McGrath whose grumpy sulks have been sadly missed this season. Throw in Maharoof and that chucker Shoiab Malik and it’s a pretty useful bowling line-up

So all round it is a side that could be supported by all New Zealanders except for one thing. Their colours are Red and Black. Cantabrians, your team is the Delhi Daredevils.

Deccan Chargers
Before you reach for the atlas, Deccan = Hyderabad. On paper, the strongest team in the competition; the Manchester United of the IPL.

In keeping with the MUFC analogy they have the biggest foreign signing in Andrew Symonds who is set to become the perfect Cristiano Ronaldo figure. Revered at home and set to be called a Teri Maki when the Chargers play away.

VVS Laxman is the icon, and the rest of the superstars are Gilchrist (available to walk in all games), Vass, Gibbs (assuming he can get off his drink-driving charge) rising local hero Rohit Sharma, Zoysa, RP Singh, Shahid Afridi and, er, Scott Styris.

Remember Styris gave up test cricket so he could concentrate on this. But it’s hard to see him squeezing his frame into this side that often.

But for all you Manchester United and Chicago Bulls fans, this is your team.

Kolkata Knight Riders
Cue lots of David Hasselhoff jokes, it is pretty hard to take a team seriously with a name like that. The Knight Riders are more Chelsea than Manchester United. A side big on star players befitting its home ground of 88,000, but one where you can’t help but feel the egos will get in the way.

Does anyone seriously a side captained by Ganguly, and with Ponting in the ranks wills be anything other than dysfunctional? And the egos do not end there. Chris Gayle and McCullum will provide as exciting an opening partnership you are likely to see provided they do not get carried away with trying to outdo each other.

Cricket With Balls’s own icon David Hussey is there, trying to prove to the world he’s better than his brother. The one-man Zimbabwe team of a few years ago, Tatenda Taibu, will take over the gloves when McCullum gets dragged off to England, and rising local fast bowler Ishant Sharma will be putting his Adam’s Apple on display.

And rounding off the self-centred nature of the squad perfectly is the inclusion of that great Team Man Shoiab Akhtar. At least he’ll be available for the whole competition.

In case you hadn’t guessed, they are owned by a Bollywood Actor. The team meetings here will be one huge soap opera. Chelsea fans, and movie lovers, the Knight Riders are for you.

Rajasthan Royals
Simone must be loving this. All of Shane Warne’s previous sins come back to haunt him. He is coach, captain, DJ and pin-up boy for a squad that includes Graeme Smith, Justin Langer, and Shane Watson. That really is bad luck Warnie.

Making things worse, he has missed out on all the decent locals too. The biggest name there is Mohammed Kaif who hasn’t made the national side for 18 months now, and Yusuf Pathan whose only claim to fame is his brother.

Apart from Warne, the only other player worth following in this line-up is Dimitri Mascarenhas. He is only allowed to play in this competition because he’s not good enough to earn an English Central Contract. So now he’ll get to be part of a team where he’ll get to play every game, and then go back to England in June and wind up Kevin Pietersen about how much money he got to earn. Lets hope he gets lots of Man of the Match awards.

Bangalore Royal Challengers
The Knowledge Economy Capital of India left their brains back at the Help Desk the day the auction took place. Basically what they did is went and picked a test squad. Dravid, Kallis, Jaffer, Steyn, Chandrepaul and Kumble are perfectly suited to scrapping its way to a draw in a timeless test, but is unlikely to set the phones ringing in this competition.

Further complicating the matter is the fact that their South African contingent may not be available for the opening matches due to a clash with their domestic limited overs finals, but watch them crawl out of that one.

Following making such a hash of the first auction, they’ve tried to recover things by hiring the guy who started all this, Martin Crowe, as assistant coach, as well as his protégé Ross Taylor. On the official blog Crowe is referred to as “Former New Zealand captain and cousin of Hollywood actor Russell Crowe” which sums up the spirit of this competition quite nicely.

Despite the presence of Kallis, the Challengers deserve some sympathy support. They are also owned by a booze baron. So for those who loved Barnsley’s FA Cup run and got all excited about Hawkes Bay in last year’s ANC go with the Challengers.

Kings XI Punjab
Well that is not quite the catchy name that others managed to come up with, but with a home base of Mohali they were probably short on rhyming options.

Focus on this team will be on their bright young singing star Brett Lee, because he’s going to have to shoulder the bulk of the off-field work, and it’ll be kind of cool to see him opening the bowling with Kyle Mills.

This should be the team Australians get behind. For a start, Luke Pomersbach is there, and when he’s not serving suspensions for being drunk he’s pretty handy. Add to that James Hopes who would have played a lot more for Australia if he didn’t look so much like a New Zealander, and Katich who would have played a lot more if he didn’t look so unco.

Youvraj Singh leads this bunch of battlers, although you can’t really see him lifting their performance through his fielding. Powar is in there too, so opposing batsmen will be doing a lot running between the wickets.

Other star players are the Sri Lankan duo of Sangakarra who is clearly suited to this form of the game and Jayawardene who is clearly not. That madman Sreenath is there to back up any Brett Lee bean balls with his own unique brand of aggression. And the rest of the locals are almost all teenagers.

OK, the name is all over the place, the NZ interest is hardly at the top end, and Yuvraj Singh is one of the biggest under-achievers of 21st Century cricket, but there’s nothing more than that to hold anyone back. The KXIPs are Sportsfreak’s recommendation as the IPL team of choice.

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