Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Sehwagology Devils takes down Judiasm

Last nights IPL game came down to three key elements.

Gotham Gambhir is a hell of a batsman.

He made a pretty fair attack look quite inadequate. And that wasn’t a joke about Kallis in the sack.

Glenn McGrath is still a miserly old bastard. Then again I suppose he;s a pensioner now, so he has to count the pennies. And still no one can play him.

And Dravid and Kallis are not made for this form of cricket.

Dravid is the wall.

Kallis is Bon Jovi.

Neither of them have what it takes to score at 2 runs a ball anymore.

Last night they saved their team with an 80odd run partnership.

Problem was by the time it got to winning the game they had eaten up all the balls and they let Boucher do the heavy lifting.

Why you would pay Kallis a kabillion dollars to play IPL is beyond me.

Yes he can play cricket, but this is not cricket, its 2020, a hybrid of soft core porn, a kiddies show and one day cricket.

Let us not forget, Bon Jovi never made it out of the suburbs.

Dravid is a superstar, arguably the most dependable batsman India have ever had.

But this is not the 4th day at Karachi with Younis bowling reverse swing, this is slogorama, and Dravid can’t slog.

Delhi on a bit....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

A simple step to improve county cricket

Ideas for how to improve county cricket are nothing if not frequent. It only takes a couple of Test match defeats for the county game to emerge as an inevitable scapegoat.

For all of that, and the recent, and fleeting, floating of the idea to play a Twenty20 competition with cities, Indian style, the county game is reasonably secure. It commands a substantial following, as frequent sell-outs for Twenty20 games, festivals and the 26 million page hits Cricinfo's county cricket site received last season are all testament to.

But this is in spite of scheduling which almost defies belief in its incompetence.

The most fundamental way in which to attract more supporters through the gates is to play on occasions most convenient to them. However, this is patently not currently the case: Championship games running from Wednesday to Saturday, owing to reasons including rain, an overly flat pitch or victory already being achieved, very seldom offer appetising final days with the obvious result that many people who would like to watch cricket decide it is not worth their while.

Furthermore, the early-season pattern of having a championship game from Wednesday to Saturday followed by a Sunday Friends Provident Trophy match is clearly damaging to the progress of the England one-day international side. Games starting the day after a first-class match, with considerable travelling in between, are patently not suited to the adequate preparation necessary to develop one-day tactics and skills. Rest before one-dayers would also allow the games themselves to be of greater intensity.

However, there is a clear solution to these problems. Every weekend there should either be two days of a championship game, running from Friday to Monday, or two one-day games. This simple solution would maximise the amount of viewing time for spectators, ensuring bigger crowds and a more palatable bottom line for the counties. Equally, it would also ensure there was a gap of at least a day between playing in the two different formats of the game. Consecutive one-day matches would allow sides to think about strategy and team selection and, with a few days off prior to the games, would ensure the standard would be raised. Weary players who have just played four consecutive days of cricket, and often travelled, will axiomatically not consistently perform at their best.

By its very nature, county cricket is never going to produce consistent sell-outs. But, if only some more judicious scheduling was introduced, it would be able to capitalise on, and increase, the considerable interest than does exist in it.

Ricky, If the glove don't fit

Ricky Ponting is in bad form.

Really bad.

No longer can Harbhajan Singh and his commando rolls be blamed.

No longer can Ishant Sharma’s adams apple be the culprit.

Even the hair transplants couldn’t have affected him this much.

He is scrambling around the crease like a drunkard looking for a tote ticket in an updraft.

Last night he made Das look like Bradman, and Hussey look like Headley.

I thought to help Ricky out before his next test series I would give the names of people in worse form than him.

OJ Simpson â€" cut shots have deserted him.

Britney Spears â€" keeps getting hit in the box.

Viscount Lynley â€" is always getting caught behind

Lindsay Lohan â€" always bowling at the throat

Todd McKenney â€" struggles once out on the park

Fritzl family â€" can never break the shackles

Ronaldo â€" has trouble picking the mystery balls

See Ricky, you are not the only one in bad form.

Life can be tough when you get paid six figures and you scratch around.

Chin up son, at least you haven't been chained to your son in a basement whilst listening to Britney Spears....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

what killed darth vader

Someone typed this into google and ended up at my site, so let me help.

Emperor Palpatine, who is like John Bracewell, asks Luke, who is like Daniel Vettori, to kill Darth Vader, who is like Stehpen Fleming, so Luke (Daniel), can be Palpatine's apprentice (Bracewell's captain).

Ok thats where the NZ references cease to make sense.

Luke decides not to kill Vader cause of the whole father thing, Palpatine being a bit dodgy, and he's a bit of a pansy.

So Palpatine tries to kill Luke, but Vader likes Luke, so he intervenes.

He throws Palpatine into a core reactor type Sci Fi thingy, but Palpatine attacks him with the lighting special effect and Darth gets mortally wounded.

There is just enough time for him to remove his helmet and for Bert Newton to say goodbye.

It's touching, camp, and a little stupid.

Also we were all disappointed to find out the coolest guy on screen ever was in fact, a middle aged white guy....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Does Bhaji have a problem with coloured people?

Probably not, but watch me stretch this one for all its worth.

Bhaji has been in trouble for calling Andrew Symonds (who is of calypso heritage) a monkey, even after being told not to call him that specifically.

Bhaji has slapped Sreesanth (who is Indian) on the face in a weird show of leadership.

Bhaji did something so bad to Ashwell Mittens Prince (a south African coloured player) that twotimes Mahanama made him apologise.

Do you see a pattern here?

All these players are dark.

That’s right, no whites have been given a slap, or called monkey, or had their mittens stolen.

Bhaji, with his (proven) hatred of all dark players that don’t play in his team, is trying to bring the brothers down.

Shocking and appalling you will agree.

But the incidents do not stop there, he has other dark people in his sites.

He called Ntini a nappy haired ho.

He inferred Steve Bucknor was an Uncle Tom.

And he was overheard saying the N word, but not with the gangsta inflection of a on the end, but with the redneck inflection of er on the end.

Bhaji, this is not what we expect of the 5th most senior member of the Indian side.

Show the brothers some love....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

the hoffs get violent

SRK's advertising team promote killing umpires to get wickets.

It's not a new theory, but this one involves special effects and a wicketkeeper with their camp logo on his head.

Verdict, too hot too cool, too violent....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

“We are not squealers”

That is what Mickey Arthur, coach of the evil South Africans has said when asked of the IPL Slaphappygate.

"We strongly believe that what happens on the field stays on it.”
That is until a reporter asks us about it and they we squeal like Elia Kazan.

Mickey, a former first class battler, suddenly decides to out the pair as @ssclowns, like we all didn’t know, and what happens on the field is moved to what happens in the media.

In the test series, Harbhajan had to apologise to Ashwell Prince (apparently he took away his mittens) in front of two times Mahanama who was match referee at the time.

I am not sure if you should have to apologise for sledging Prince, surely he should be apologising for being Ashwell Prince.

So there is two clear cut case where the South Africans didn’t leave it on the field, Mickey.

That's what I hate about South Africa, they are always copying Australia, we are the team that says leave it on the field and then reports everyone and tells the media, not South Africa....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

who is on first, no no my good chap he is on second

The commentators are struggling with IPL.

Aamir Sohail and Greg Chappell obviously.

But the others are just as bad.

For the third time I saw a commentator get the team of the player he was interviewing confused.

This time it was Ramnesh Sarwan, the time before it was Sachin and before that it was some no namer whom I've forgotten.

I can't blame the commentators, too much, the teams have just not discovered their personalities yet.

So far the teams are all pretty hard to distinguish.

Mumbai has no real personality, and I have to rack my brain everytime to remember who plays for them.

Chennai is Dhoni's team, and if I remember that I remember Hayden, but the rest are a blur.

Bangalore I only remember as a publicists nightmare.

Rajasthan are Warne's team, but past him they are a blur.

Delhi has the Sehwag and Gotham City Gambir, but the team has a personality based on the fact they have a fast bowler, and two clones of him.

Kolkata is the Ganguly SRK team, who wears the bling helmets.

The KINGs XI is the team i enjoy most, because you get a few good looks at Priety and my current team.

Deccan was my team first, and I still couldn't remember who played for them, but they do have the dirtiest cheerleaders.

I think that's all of them....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

caped kings ad again

Dhoni at a camp street party is how i'd describe this.

Can i just say that Dhoni acts better than most of the bollywood leading men I've seen.

In this he looks a little like Elton John in 74.

But he still manages to sort of make it work.

And he ands the ad with a posse.

Verdict, not alot to it, but Dhoni works it baby....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Monday, April 28, 2008

old dudes fall apart

A few things I learnt from last nights game

Partiv Patel is not renowned for his arm according to Greg Chappell, that might be cause he is a wicket keeper.

Wasim Jaffer can play attacking shots, once he has been dropped twice.

Rahul Dravid is locked in someone’s basement and this current impostor has lost the plot.

Jacques Kallis is the oddest man I’ve ever not known.

Boucher does not like situations where he can’t trust his team mates.

Virat Kohli either has a bad cricket brain, or someone gave him terrible advice.

Dhoni may be cool in a crisis, but he gets the fundamentals wrong in wicketkeeping over and over again.

Dale Steyn is a demon when on top, but when someone takes him to the sword he gets cut beautifully, evidence supplied by Chris Gayle and MS Dhoni.

King Probot Hussey you are programmed to give strike to MS Dhoni is that clear, affirmative.

Ross Taylor was a hell of a bargain I this comp, shame we didn’t get to see him stretch out.

Oh and Bangalore can collapse beautifully....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Episode 8 - the podcast

Powered by Podbean.com

Click here to subscribe to podcast on itunes.


And yes there is a slight problem with one section of the podcast, Captain Purple obviously wanted a cameo....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Championship Review - Week 2

[b]Everyone has at least started a match now, although the weather is still preventing too many from being completed. In Division 1, Yorkshire steal a march on their rivals whilst in Division 2, there were two successful run chases. This week also sees the return of England Player Watch â€" tracking the progress of those in or on the fringes of the test team.[/b]

[b]Division 1[/b]
Starting at Headingley where [b]Hampshire [/b]put [b]Yorkshire [/b]into bat in murky conditions. Having lost three wickets for 53, Andrew Gale came to the wicket to score 138. It’s an important season for Gale, who is getting his first chance to shine with a plethora of talented youngsters waiting in the wings. With support from the tail, Yorkshire managed 398, which looked well above par for the wicket and conditions. It looked even more above par when Matthew Hoggard took the first six Hants wickets, bowling them out for 159. Follwing on, Michael Brown showed some resistance, but 212 wasn’t enough to make Yorkshire bat again.

In equally tricky batting conditions, [b]Durham [/b]managed just 224 at home to [b]Surrey[/b]. However, this was enough for a comfortable lead as Surrey scored just 183, despite a stand of 99 between Marks Butcher and Ramprakash. Durham then declared on 228 for 9, Saqlain taking 6 wickets. However, the weather put paid to any thought of a Surrey run chase, and the match fizzled out in a draw.

Matt Prior scored a hundred as [b]Sussex [/b]made 303 against [b]Kent[/b]. For a player looking to rebuild his international credentials, Prior has made a fine start to the season, his 59 in the second innings being his lowest score of the season so far. Kent replied with 204, Mushtaq taking 5 wickets, although but for a 10th wicket stand of 82 between Geraint Jones and Yasir Arafat, that could have been a lot worse. Sussex made 237 second time round, with Azhar Mahmood taking 5-fer. Set 337 to win, Kent were able to comfortably play out for a draw, scoring 193 for 3.

[b]Somerset [/b]are finding run scoring more difficult in Division 1 and scored 238 at [b]Lancashire[/b]. The home side replied with 221 and Somerset then reached 262 for 8 as the game ended in a draw. The notable performance was the batting form of Ian Blackwell, who scored two half centuries coming in at number 5 for Somerset.

[b]Division 2[/b]
Ravi Bopara continued his excellent start to the season with another hundred as [b]Essex [/b]scored 270 at [b]Derbyshire[/b]. Indeed not only did he score over half of the Essex runs, he was the only batsman to score at a rate higher than 50 runs per 100 balls. Derby found run scoring equally difficult, with no-one scoring fifty as they were bowled out for 239. Some declaration bowling meant that Essex scored 234 for 2 in just 34 overs to set Derbyshire a target of 266 in 65 overs. They managed this with 5 overs to spare to record an unlikely victory.

[b]Northamptonshire [/b]recovered from 127 for 5 to score 385 against [b]Warwickshire[/b], thanks largely to a ton from Nicky Boje. The Bears could only manage 243 in reply and Northants declaration at 240 for 7 left Warwicks requiring 388 in 83 overs. They reached this with a ball to spare, thanks largely to a Darren Maddy hundred, and 20 off just 9 balls at the end from Ian Salisbury.

A very even game at Lords saw [b]Middlesex [/b]score 308 in 97.5 overs followed by [b]Glamorgan [/b]getting 300 in 97.2 overs, Tim Murtagh taking 7 wickets in the Glamorgan innings, for whom Jamie Dalrymple scored 80 against his former team. The game then petered out to a draw as Middlesex scored 292 for 6.

At Grace Road, [b]Worcestershire [/b]declared on 300 for 8 before bowling out [b]Leicestershire [/b]for just 193. Worcester then declared on 174 for 4 in an effort to force a result. However, the weather ad ensured that for the second week running, the Pears were unable to capitalise on a promising position.
[b]
England Player Watch[/b]
[b]Michael Vaughan[/b] managed just 19 in tricky conditions in Yorkshire’s only innings, while opening partner [b]Ali Cook [/b]got in to the 20s in both Essex innings without pushing on. [b]Andrew Strauss’s [/b]scores continue to grow, with 36 and 49, which outscored team mate [b]Owais Shah [/b]who managed just 12 runs in both innings. [b]Ravi Bopara [/b]scored a hundred and an unbeaten fifty as he continued his fine start to the season. Likewise, [b]Matt Prior [/b]scored a hundred and a fifty to push his credentials as a specialist batsman. [b]Ian Bell [/b]scored 41 and a quick 62 in the Warwickshire run chase, [b]Tim Ambrose [/b]managing just 15 and 19 in the same match

[b]Matthew Hoggard[/b] took the first 6 wickets in Hampshire’s first inning and last two in their second to push his claim. [b]Andrew Flintoff [/b]and [b]James Anderson [/b]both ended up with tight figures for Lancs, although they only managed a couple of wickets each. Flintoff also managed a golden duck, as his batting continues to struggle. [b]Steve Harmison [/b]took three wickets for Durham and one would suspect his figures need to be spectacular before he gets back into the international reckoning. [b]Monty Panesar [/b]went wicketless, but then took four wickets as he tried to prevent the Warwickshire victory.

[b]Player of the Week[/b]
Nicky Boje had a fine allround game, although it was eventually in a losing cause. However, for my POTW this week, I’m going to Headingley. Matthew Hoggard put in a fine spell of bowling. However, for what may turn out to be a career defining century in difficult batting conditions, my player of the week is [b]Andrew Gale[/b].

dhoni pepsi ad

Some sort of weird combination between monkey magic and that crocodile dundee dude from Salaam Namaste.

And it works.

The straw thing is a bit odd, but the ad is funny, on purpose.

Who knew.

Verdict, dhoni is on fiiiiiire.


Thanks to Anon for this....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Sunday, April 27, 2008

caped kings ad

Dhoni clearly wrote the script himself.

Can you please make me like look a rapper.

Yes Mr Dhoni, anything for you sir.

Shame they didn't let him wrap over the top.

Something like this would have been nice "They call me Ms cause I'm low on the Bs, I like to keep wickets and the chicks diggit."

Cheesey boxing moves, check. Peace out brother hand movements, check. Angry swipe, check. Slow walk towards camera, check. Posse in pursuit, check. Dhoni turning into a lion, check.

Verdict, not bad, find it hard to not like it, but Dhoni turning into a lion was perhaps a step to far.
...
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

brad hodge, the hasselhoffs

I cannot say for certain that Brad Hodge reads this blog.

But I can say that people very very close to him do.

So I will choose my words carefully.

I don’t like the man, I think he’s a bit of a knob jockey.

People in the know tell me this is not the case.

I choose to disbelieve them, and go with my gut instinct, that same one that led me into a relationship with a self mutilating bulimic.

Brad Hodge can seriously bat, just ask him.

In one day cricket, 2020 cricket, county cricket especially.

For all his talk though his shield record is good, not great.

I remember chatting to a cricketer once who said, you know Brad Hodge is about to enter a room, because his head enters 5 minutes before his body.

Brad is a Victorian, and i tolerate him because of all the games he wins for us.

But other than that small fact I am not a fan.

For those who have not seen the nuggety batsman I will give you a brief overview.

He starts his innings badly, infact, generally the worse he starts the better he bats.

He is compact, some say he has a weakness in the corridor, he can hit the ball to anywhere on the ground, but is probably at his best square on either side.

Can play spin pretty well, and bowls offies ok himself. Will be a better number 3 for this team than Ricky was.

I spose Hodge is all right, everyteam needs a cocky mofo in it, so you can bag him after it goes pear shaped.

But him and Ganguly in one changeroom would be excruciating for everyone else....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

KXIP vs the sehwagology devils

I found myself in an interesting position tonight.

Before the game I supported Delhi, but as part of my love all the IPL teams commitment I was committed to change to the Kings XI Punjabs after the game.

Quite early on it was apparent that Dehli was not going to win, if you let VRV Singh get wickets with half trackers you don’t deserve to win.

So I did what any supporter who was about to change teams would do, I changed at the turn over.

The Krab Katich was making runs everywhere, which is just another why getting off Dehli is a good idea.

And Yuvraj even popped in for a few runs.

The KXIPer’s got home with a comfortable 3 balls to spare.

But I already have some problems with my new team.

VRV Singh. NO, sorry, whilst I support this team the man who touches the grass in his run up is not to be playing.

The Krab, I know he made runs, but so did Jimmy Hopes and you dropped him, plus I like Jimmy and hate the Krab, so drop him.

Jayawardane, seems to be playing as a spectator, drop him.

Yuvraj as captain, very rarely is someone captain of a cricket side when there is 5 players in the top 13 with a better cricket brain than him.

Sreesanth needs to be given the new ball, tears will not effect its trajectory.

Preity Zinta should play ahead of VRV. I betcha she would pitch it up more.

Now all I need to do is work out a way to get Kings Xi Punjab to roll off the tongue quickly and I'm away.

3 down 5 to go....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Brett Geeves, a Sehwagology devil

Brett Geeves is probably my favourite nonVictorian Australian cricketer.

This is because of a few key facts.

He is a funny dude.

I find his haircut amusing.

He is a bowling allrounder, even if his figures don’t quite match that yet.

He bowls pretty damn fast.

His yorkers are as dangerous and accurate as a hungry Zulu warrior throwing a spear at a vegan.

I was initially stunned that he was picked for the IPL, because this was his main break out year, due to injuries and the fact Tassie have a host of guys who bowl at about his pace.

But then I checked which team he went to, the Delhi Daredevils, head coach, Greg Shipperd, also head coach of the mighty Victorian Bushragers and ex coach of Tasmania, where Brett Geeves plies his trade.

So Ship, going on his knowledge that Geeves was good way back when, and that he regularly depantses Victoria, decides he is a good bet for this IPL thingy.

Some people call him the butler, I think this is because his uncle was a butler.

I haven’t given him a nick name yet, but I will soonish, I was thinking Ask.

His one game for the Daredevils ended with 4 overs at 40.

If he plays again I expect a marked improvement, and if they mike him up, even better....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Another wacky google search

I know some of you are addicted to my wacky google searches.

So here is this one.

where are the balls on a hermaphrodite

At first I thought it wasn't cricket related, but now i see its about Sreesanth.

Some others today,

nude photos alyce platt

graeme smith cricket big cock

how to evil dragons

busting a man in the balls

ricky ponting fuck his girl friend

dean laidley cross dresser

This my friends, is a good wacky google search day....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Shoaib with breasts

"The Shoaib Akhtar [of our team] is Asmavia Iqbal, she's the fastest bowler and her favourite player is Shoaib Akhtar. She copies everything he does. The only difference between him and her is that she's completely fit, sticks to her game and does the job she's asked to do."

Urooj Mumtaz, the Pakistan women's captain

I love it when people stick it to Shoaib...
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Everybody hurts, Sreesanth

Everyone is laughing at Sreesanth.

But Fast bowlers are an emotional dichotomy.

Shaun Tait wants to rip heads off, but the stress of not doing it makes him sad.

Brett Lee wants to be a nice guy, but everynow and then he forgets and bowls beamers.

Dale Steyn is South African.

Steve Harmison is part animal part machine. Problem is it’s a guinea pig and an electric tie organiser.

Shane Bond is made of Ice Cream.

And Andre Nel cried when he hit Allan Donald in a domestic game.

That’s right Andre Nel, Sreesanth’s sick adopted brother has also cried.

Sure his was because he smashed his idol in the face with a angry bouncer, not because a little girly man slapped him, but a cry is a cry.

Perhaps mentalist fast bowlers are as tough as we always thought they were.

Maybe Thommo cries when he can’t find his car keys.

Demon Fred Spofforth got upset thinking about the lighthorsemen.

Devon Malcom needed tissues when the last cookie was eaten.

I guess fast bowlers do have feelings....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Howlin bawler

Men can cry.

Michael Jordan has cried.

George W Bush has cried.

Even Hilary Clinton has cried.

In this day and age men crying isn’t held as wimpy as it once was.

People now even see men crying as way more acceptable than women crying.

The world has changed.

But two indian men, one feminine enough to slap another man, another feminine enough to cry about it, are testing the worlds new found acceptance of male bawling.

Sreesanth cried because a man slapped him.

Is there any coming back from that.

Was only days ago I talked about how cool he was via blog and podcast.

The whole angry man fast bowler thing was back, he was abusing people and being a giant @ss clown, just how I like it.

Now he is crying after Bhaji, of all people, slapped him.

This is how I would have expected this story to go.

Harbhajan Singh is in critical condition in Mumbain Indian hospital today, after an incident with his Indian team mate and IPL sparring partner Sreesanth. Bhaji allegedly slapped Sreesanth, before Sreesanth slammed his head into a wall an unknown amount of times leaving Bhaji severely injured. No charges have been laid, but Sreesanth is helping police with their enquries.

I would not have expected this.

Harbhajan slaps Sreesanth, who then cries in the corner naked and wet, waiting for his mother to bring over his favourite blanky.

Sreesanth is apparently a big fan of NZ folk music.

So this is in his honour.

I'm not crying
It's just been raining
on my face
And if you think you see some tear tracks down my cheeks
Please. Pleasee, don't tell my mates
I'm not crying
No, I'm not crying
And if I am crying
It's not because of you
It's because I'm thinking about a friend of mine who you don't know who is dying
That's right, dying
These aren't tears of sadness because you're leaving me
I've just been cutting onions
I'm making a lasagna
For one
Oh, I'm not crying
No
There's just a little bit of dust in my eye
That's from the path that you made when you said your goodbye
I'm not weeping because you won't be here to hold my hand
For your information there's an inflammation in my tear gland
I'm not upset because you left me this way
My eyes are just a little sweaty today
They've been looking around
They're like searching for you
They've been looking for you
Even though I told them not to
These aren't tears of sadness
They're tears of joy
I'm just laughing
Ha ha ha-ha ha
I'm sitting at this table called love
Staring down at the irony of life
How come we've reached this fork in the road
And yet it cuts like a knife'
I'm not crying
I'm not crying
I'm not cry-y-y-y-
-y-y-y-y-ing...
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

slap happy

According to the media, what else would it be according to, Harbhjan Singh slapped Sreesanth.

The media has not yet disclosed whether it this was a gangster slap, or a turkey slap.

There are two issues at hand here.

One is slapping.

One is male crying.

Let’s start with slapping, because I am still not ready to discuss crying.

A slap, or as some people like to refer to it, a "smack", is a broad stroke made with the open hand, as opposed to a punch that is made with a closed fist. Slaps are frequently made across the face, although are much more fun if done to a exposed buttock in the boudoir. It can be also made across hands or any other body part, and can use either the palm of the hand or the back of the hand.

A slap is typically what a man does to a woman. For two reasons, one because a punch may knock her out, and two, because he doesn’t want other people to know that he is a wife beater.

However Bhaji slapping the Howlin Wolf does not fit in that category.

So I did some research and came up with the reasons why animals slap.

1. Beavers slap their tails on the water as a danger signal. Bhaji was not in danger.

2. Female fish of the gambusia genus will slap males with their tail fins if they are over-aggressive in mating. Bhaji was probably not trying to mate with Sreesanth, as they both “allegedly” have the same sort of genitals.

3. Dolphins have been observed to slap the surface with their tails, possibly to express aggression or sexual impulses. This one is a real possibility.

4. Humpback whales will slap their tails on the surface as a warning. Males use their tails to slap other male humpbacks in mating contests. It’s all about a woman that I understand.

Personally I have never felt the need to slap a man because of my interest in the same woman, but these Indian dudes have weird rituals.

Some of them don’t eat cow.

Message to all other nationalities, not eating cow can lead to slapping and or crying....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

jrod explain why sex with evil dragons is so much better than sex with gentle dragons

I asked for people to come up with non cricketing dirty phrases that had the words explain, and then the item you wanted explained after it.

The first one is the title of this post.

You asked for it people, so I will.

Evil Dragons, whilst being more dangerous, are like roller balding naked down a hill, sexy and dangerous.

Gentle dragons, whilst performing the basic function of sex, the actual sex bit, lack the danger and excitement of their evil cousins.

If you were ever to have sex with a dragon, you would notice immediately the difference between the violent and exciting sex with the evil dragon, compared with the bland and vanilla sex of the gentle dragons.

Class dismissed....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Friday, April 25, 2008

County Heroes: Martin Bicknell

[b]To begin a new series celebrating county greats, here is an assessment of the career of Surrey's recently retired double beneficiary Martin Bicknell.[/b]

In this age of globalisation and a virtually constant stream of international fixtures that rob counties of their best players, Surrey fans were highly fortunate at being able to watch a master craftsman, almost uninterrupted for two decades.

Martin Bicknell, though he won just four Test caps, will long be remembered at the Oval as a model of consistently and an exemplary professional. His nagging swing bowling, considered too slow by the England management, claimed the staggering total of 1061 first-class wickets. Staggeringly, over 21 seasons, he only twice averaged over 30 - and one instance was during a sadly truncated final campaign.

So what are the secrets to the success of a bowler wrongly perceived to be so limited? Bicknell benefited from an insatiable love for the game that allowed him to face the same side, at the same ground every year, in front of what seldom amounts to more than simply friends, family and a trickle of devoted county fans. Moans from international superstars who have earned a lifetime’s worth of cash from the game are plentiful, but no one would ever catch Bicknell doing anything other than relish the prospect of playing at Derbyshire on a drizzly Wednesday morning when even the die-hards opt to stay at home.

In this respect, Bicknell, sadly, may soon be viewed as something of a freak. There is a real sense that he is the last of the line of stalwart bowlers who remain at the same county for two decades and who tend only to receive the credit they deserve from supporters of their own county. Think of contemporary quicks who contributed comparably to their side and only Andy Caddick comes close. It is surely no coincidence that the man Bicknell lists as his cricketing idol, Tom Richardson, claimed over 2000 first-class wickets. This is also testament to Bicknell’s devotion to the game - how many other players would even have heard of the great bowler of the 1890s?

Though Bicknell only played four Tests - his 2nd and 3rd were the small matter of a decade apart - he still has much to cherish. In the final Test against South Africa in 2003, with his country 2-1 down, Bicknell delivered a superb performance, picking up 4-84 in the second innings (and six wickets in the match) as he secured victory in his final test, appropriately enough at his home ground.

One moment from this match perfectly epitomised Bicknell’s enduring qualities. With the score 120-4 and England in need of wickets late on the fourth day to give themselves the time to chase the runs down and secure victory, Bicknell produced a memorable spell of classic swing-bowling. First he tempted Jacques Rudolph with a couple of away swingers, both of which were cautiously left alone by the left-hander. Then came possibly the game’s defining moment. Bicknell bowled a seemingly identical ball to his previous deliveries, which Rudolph again left alone. But this was an in-swinger. The bowler’s celebration as he saw the wreckage of Rudolph's stumps was reward for the many years he had spent meticulously honing his craft at scarcely populated county grounds.

It is ironic and symbolic of the unlucky nature of Bicknell’s career that his two sets of test appearances - against Australia and later against South Africa - were both probably made a few years either side of his prime. However, the fact that the 34 year-old incarnation was better than the 24 year-old was hugely significant. It was testament to his constant search for self-improvement - apparent also through his gradual transformation to a batsman worthy of the number seven spot in county cricket - that he managed to defy age in such a way.

During Surrey’s glorious four seasons between 1999 and 2002 â€" in which they won three championships out of four â€" Bicknell was always at the forefront of their success, every bit as significant as any other member of the side, Saqlain Mushtaq included. In the four seasons from 1998, he claimed at least 60 wickets at an average of 21 or less. Given the general mediocrity of the England side at this point, and especially considering Bicknell's tremendous lower-order batting - he averaged at least 28 in his last 8 first-class seasons - it is incredibly unfortunate he was never granted a reasonable run in the England side.

His efforts, with bat and ball alike, were consistently magnificent, and it was perhaps only the seemingly less-than-extraordinary manner in which these were accomplished which prevented him earning more recognition. Against Kent in 2001, Surrey were comprehensively outplayed. When Bicknell came to the wicket in their second innings, Surrey were effectively 1-6, despite his fine efforts before in the match â€" top-scoring with 78 with the bat and picking up 4-47. However, he wasn’t finished yet, and, in his 16th season, finally recorded his maiden first-class hundred to steal a draw which probably only one Surrey player could have felt they deserved.

The benefit system has rightly received huge criticism recently following the cash-rich benefits enjoyed by Messrs Vaughan and Flintoff in recent years. But Bicknell is exactly the kind of person the benefit system was designed for, and fully deserved a second benefit before he slipped into life as a school cricket master. He may have deserved nation-wide recognition, but one suspects this most genial of individuals will be more than contented with a place in the hearts of every Surrey supporter.

Adapted from an article written two years ago.

Heading for a draw... but CL signs!

Afyer three rain interrupted days, the game against Essex needs something spectacular to get a definitgive result.
With the visitors only 31 ahead with a day to go, and a wicket that makes stroke play difficult, it is hard to see how either side can win, and the weather looks the only winner.
Off the pitch, Charl Langeveldt apparently passed his interview and has signed a 2-year deal with us. Excellent news! He goes straight into the side for Sunday's game against Yorkshire. He may well replace John Clare, but I'd be inclined to reward the youngster for an excellent all round game against Essex with a place in this side:

Birch
Rogers
Sadler
Telo
Clarke
Pipe
Wagg
Clare
Lungley
Langeveldt
Doshi

James Pipe is perhaps too high at number 6, but this side has six bowlers and until Greg Smith returns to fitness we either play a batsman or bowler short. I can't think Fred Klokker will do THAT much for the batting, so Clare's all round ability and promise should get the nod.

Draw looms but CL signs!

After three rain interrupted days, the game against Essex needs something spectacular to get a definitgive result.With the visitors only 31 ahead with a day to go, and a wicket that makes stroke play difficult, it is hard to see how either side can win, and the weather looks the only winner.Off the pitch, Charl Langeveldt apparently passed his interview and has signed a 2-year deal with us. Excellent news! He goes straight into the side for Sunday's game against Yorkshire. He may well replace John Clare, but I'd be inclined to reward the youngster for an excellent all round game against Essex with a place in this side:

Birch
Rogers
Sadler
Telo
Clarke
Pipe
Wagg
Clare
Lungley
Langeveldt
Doshi

James Pipe is perhaps too high at number 6, but this side has six bowlers and until Greg Smith returns to fitness we either play a batsman or bowler short. I can't think Fred Klokker will do THAT much for the batting, so Clare's all round ability and promise should get the nod.

Mal Speed ousted over lips

<p class="news-body">Malcolm Speed, the ICC chief executive, has been put on paid leave until his contract runs out on July 4.

In a brief statement, David Morgan, the ICC's president-elect, said: "This ... is the result of a fundamental result of the redness, and a number of board members, including the president, have a variety of issues that are exclusively about the redness of his lips.

Rumours had been circulating for the last month that Speed had had a serious falling-out with Ray Mali, the president, following the ICC executive's decision to ban all red lips from the boardroom.

Mali is understood to have been incensed by Speed's lips and gained support from a number of board members as he successfully moved to have Speed sidelined for the remainder of his tenure. Although his lips have emerged as the key reason for the falling-out, it is understood that Speed's recent statement that his body odour was not offensive had also been used as an excuse to get rid of him.

"We have removed him so what is left to say now," said a senior official from the anti-Speed camp, who did not wish to be identified. "We were not happy with the way he handled the lip situation, and his recent statements which implied that his odour was tolerable. There were also many who were not happy with his confrontational style of functioning, and how close he parked his car to other cars."

Haroon Lorgat, South Africa's former convenor of selectors, is lined up to succeed Speed as CEO, but said that it would not be appropriate for him to comment on the development as he is not involved with the ICC yet. "His lips are something I don't want to get into right now," Lorgat told Cricketwithballs.

Read the full story here.


...
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

the difference

Yusuf Pathan can bat.

Like bat bat.

He can really really bat, good.

Last night he hit the ball as clean as I have ever seen.

He was unstoppable.

Roy was pretty damn good as well.

Fastest hundred and stuff was pretty impressive.

But one was dropped on 60 odd, and one was caught on 60 odd.

Roy fell into a trap laid out by Shane Keith, and sliced one straight to Yusuf, who jumped a little late and put it down.

When Yusuf was on 60 odd he skied one straight to Roy, but he didn't drop it.

In fact it took it with the ease of someone taking a free min from a counter.

Being able to smash the ball out of the park is great, but catching a ball is handy as well....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Ashley Noffke, a member of the Bangalore test XI

Ashley Matrix, as he is known to his friends, is an all rounder from Queensland.

This was not always the case, he used to be a medium pacer from Queensland.

Unless he played against Victoria, and then he evoked the spirit of Keith Miller.

He was even dubbed the next Glenn McGrath a bunch of times, that was when he was a gangly medium paced line and length bowler with a nerdish exterior.

Then this year he got bored with being a medium pacer and became a fast bowling all rounder who was unstoppable in state cricket.

He is still definitely a bowling all rounder, but he is good enough to change the structure of the Australian test team.

Like guys like Freddy, technique is not his forte, he has a high backlift, and hits best when hitting straight.

As a bowler he is fast, and until recently was a line and length bowler.

Now he is a bit more Russian Roulette, but he is about 10 clicks quicker on average, so you can forgive him.

While he is built for 2020 and one day cricket as a big hitting fast bowling demon, he actually does a lot better in 4 day cricket.

Go figure.

He is far less nerdy than he used to be....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

The royals win even without boof

Y Pathan put on a clinic early on.

Graeme Smith followed like a school kid with a crush.

Kaif showed off for the cheerleaders.

And Shane Keith Warne came in and said “Roy” well batted, but it doesn’t look that hard

The Royals everyones favourite team to bag before the tournament are riding a wave of Warnemania.

And the dude still has some waves to make.

Deccan, a team I once supported couldn’t defend 214, no wonder I jumped ship when I did.

Although Afridi bowled well, not bad for the oldest looking 28 year old going around....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Roy ka ching

Roy has been in pretty average form for a while now.

Today, that stopped.

Munaf Patel, Ol’Flexy arm Trivedi and the great Shane Keith were taken apart as Darren Lehmann could only sit and eat pies from the bench.

Curry pies.

Either the cheerleaders or a glass of cold milk inspired Roy, and he now owns the fastest 100 in the tournament so far.

Now he can sit back, content in the knowledge he lived up to his price tag once in this tournament.

You could say the gorilla is off his back.

But then you’d be a racist, so best you shut up, you bastard.

Anyway, America’s next top model Salunkhe bowled an over.

That’s probably news worthy.

Afridi almost lasted an over.

That’s all I have. I’m going to bed.

Akmal and Smith, together at last, hello ladies, this one is for you....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Domestic players and hermaphrodites

I am getting a lot of hits on my site with people looking for information on the Aussie domestic players in the IPL.

Am also getting a lot of hits from people asking for me to explain hermaphrodites.

So I’ll do that first.

hermaphrodite
adj : (biology) of animal or plant; having both male female
reproductive organs [syn: hermaphroditic]
n : one having both male and female sexual characteristics and
organs; at birth an unambiguous assignment of male or
female cannot be made [syn: intersex, gynandromorph,
androgyne, epicine, epicine person]

That’s sorted.


Next blog will talk about the Aussie domestic players.

Probably....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Luke Ronchi, a Cleveland Indian

Now some of the domestic players I have written enough about for you already.

David Hussey who you can read about pretty much anywhere on this blog.

But here, here, here and here are my favs.

Cameron White is so lucky he has a player profile written about him, the only player profile I ever wrote, must have been bored sh1teless that day.

Others like Luke Ronchi and Ashley Noffke have snippets about them, but probably not much more.

So why not start there.

Luke Ronchi, is fairly new on the scene. He follows Ryan Campbell and Adam Gilchrist as hard hitting, tidy, if not brilliant wicketkeepers from Western Australia, who will probably play for Australia.

Not an overly big bloke, but he does hit a huge ball. Was born in New Zealand, but I have already forgiven him for this. Would probably be my pick for Australian gloveman rather than Haddin, but Haddin does have the runs on the board. Like all Western Australian boys he likes short bowling, and can swing across the line beautifully.

Holds some sort of record for fastest Australian domestic hundred, and once belted Stuart Clark so hard Stuart questioned his sexuality. Actually that was probably the same innings come to think of it.

Anyway the boy can bat the house down, and would have been one of the first gloveman in all of world cricket I would have picked for the IPL. Scores at a huge rate in both forms of real cricket. Has a rather odd demeanor, it’s almost as if his head is too big for his body.

But that just adds to the charm, or something like that.

He hasn't made runs yet, but he will cut loose once this tournament, I hope....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Why Michael Hussey could never be a fast bowler

He smiles too much, and not a I wanna rip your head off smile, but a cheesey I’m so happy to be alive smile.

He is built like an accountant, which is fine for punching in numbers, but it’s not really that good for bowing bouncers.

He is too nice, he looks and acts genuinely nice, all the time, what sort of fast bowler would do that, even Brett Lee bowls beamers.

He would bowl too straight, in proud probotic tradition he would bowl line and length and therefore would never ever be a true fast bowler.

He doesn’t look like he eats read meat, the staple for any fast bowler, preferably raw.

Facial hair doesn’t become him, a good fast bowler will dabble with a moustache or beard at one stage, perhaps even some stubble, and will look damn fine doing it, Michael Hussey not so much.

So in conclusion, M Hussey, King Probot extraordinaire, should remain a batsman.

That is all....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

i support the IPL and all its teams

After reading some of the comments, especially the ones written by scone eaters, I have decided to become an IPL flip flop supporter.

There are 8 teams.

And 42 days of the IPL.

I’m no mathematician, and I realise I’ve already missed some days, but let me try work this out.

If I switch now, to my Delhi dare devils, I only have 6 teams to support over the next 4 weeks or so.

Easy.

Then by the time the final comes around, as long as I have supported every team, I can pick the team I think that will win.

I can’t lose, especially as I am prepared to flip flop until the final ball is played.

It’s not like these are real teams, so it shouldn’t matter to them if I disappear, it’s not like I was going to buy merchandise or anything.

There are many advantages to being a flip flopper.

You can follow your favourite players.

You can show around until something feels right.

You can support the massive underdog one day, and the favourite the next.

One day you’re a SRK fan, the next you’re a Priety Zinta fan.

The possibilities are endless, even though the list isn’t.

So go Delhi Daredevils, I support you with all my heart, for the next few days....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Cleveland Vs Caped Kings

Here is a question for you, do you pay more for the seats with the cheerleaders right in front of you blocking your view of the cricket, or less?

Not enough male cheerleaders I say.

King Probot Michael Hussey went out to a 19 year old, who wasn’t born after probots were invented

In this game a low full toss gets a well bowled from the keeper.

Tony Cozier interviews Sachin, gets confused which team he plays for, and then they share awkward silences. Then Tony explains how Luke Ronchi should be pronounced, Ron-Ki not Ron â€"chee. Yes, I only wrote that to put my link in.

It’s Sachin’s b’day tomorrow, Hookers and Cocaine?

Hayden reverse sweeps Shaun Pollock, probably not news worthy being that all batsman reverse spinners these days.

Why do McDonald’s burgers look so good in the shop, and taste like horse feces in real life?

I like this Rainer kid, is well balanced, and he hit a six over cover off Bhaji, that’s pretty good. Well it’s ok.

Hayden was caught by Ronchi in the flap of his pad, Harper seemed to think it wasn’t out, because he didn’t hit it, I thought it was not out because you can’t catch the ball in your pads. Cozier made a subtle comment about walking.

Channel 10 are plugging the Anzac day game between Collingwood and Essendon with a cheesey poem.

Dwayne Smackdown Bravo didn’t really lay down the hurt with the ball, but more importantly, how long does it take to get a shirt made with your name on it?

Harbhajan Singh has gone the double towel, risky move.

Dhoni came in, people seem to like him.

Either I’m tired, or these cameramen cannot keep focus.

Harper can’t count balls, Hayden can.

According to Arund Lal, Hayden is sweating buckets, actual buckets are oozing from his pores, youtube hayden sweating buckets if you don't believe me.

Bhaji seems afraid to bowl, even though he has by far the best figures, from his 2 overs.

According to Ravi, Jacob Oram is well over 6 feet 7 inches tall. How tall is he exactly, 12 feet, 37 feet, a million feet and 4 inches?

Ronchi was run out and I lost interest.

The Sanath went out and I went to bed.

Still haven’t sat through a hole game yet....
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

The old white man of the west indies

"Clever, not the sort of thing you associate with Matthew Hayden."

Tony Cozier...
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Thw old white man of the west indies

"Clever, not the sort of thing you associate with Matthew Hayden."

Tony Cozierwww.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Deccan Chargers are rubbish

I am switching allegiances now, well not to much switching allegiances, but I am suspending allegiances until the chargers get good, or I can make my mind up between the Punjabs or the Daredevils.

I do understand that the Punjabs are sh1t too, but the Chargers are really getting on my nerves.

Last night Glenn McGrath and his love children Maharoof and Asif tormented the Chargers with something called line and length. It's an interesting theory that hasn't been fully looked into for the IPL, but ol' Pidge knows no other way.

Asif bowled particularly nice, and that is because he now has a robotic arm, like Luke Skywalker.

Maharoof, whom I complemented once before only for his form to completely disappear, is probably the nerdiest all rounder in the modern game. He runs into to bowl like a hall monitor with braces on, and he somehow geeks the batsman out, it's brilliant.

With the bat only one man was required, Virender Sehwag, Vaas had him out plumb, but the umpire had none of it, and then he had him dropped, where the fielder had none of it.

So Sehwag went on his merry way, like Friar Tuck before him.

Other things I like about my possible new team is that they have great shirts, probably my favourite shirts of of all the shirts.

OK, that's not saying much, but these shirts have a soccer/cricket hybrid thing happening and I like it.

Oh and Laxman cannot bat 3 for the Deccan Chargers anymore, he is as suited to batting at number 3 in a 2020 side, as I am writing for the Wollongong Christian scone making magazine.

Nothing to do with the game, but last night, the cheerleaders, and the naughty cameraman who gave us the best angle of all time. I think Robin Jackman had to call for the jizz mopper.
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

How FAR?

My man Asish Nehra is back.

I don’t know where he has been, but a journey travelled is a life experienced, or whatever.

In 2003 I thought he was Donald Sutherland in the Dirty Dozen, sure he didn’t really do a lot, but what he did was extremely effective.

Before the world cup final he was the only Indian bowler I was worried about, Srinath was older than bread, and Khan was erratic.

Then he was gone, and I missed him, I even lamented his absence here.

Now he is back, slightly thicker, more facial hair and a slightly busier than I remember.

He is only in the IPL, but that’s something I guess.

Plus he took a wicket that is doubly something.

Watching him play you can see how desperate he is too succeed.

When a catch was almost taken off his bowling, he was like a starving man, in the desert, probably thirsty, who then saw Natalie Portman holding a toasted ham and cheese sandwich whilst pouring beer on herself.

That sort of desperation is very rarely seen outside of reality tv shows.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

SRK and lubed up men

Wow.

Where to begin on this one.

Women taking clips catches.

Lubed up man in a wife beater facing up with a guitar.

The slogan, too hot, too cool (never just right).

Cricket pads on fire (last time I saw cricket pads in a film clip was for Beck's Sexxlaws).

The fact SRK is auditioning for the next matrix film.

And it ends with an odd looking man trying to eat their absurd logo.

Truly a masterpiece of Ed Woodian proportions.

Showed my non cricket liking friends, and they could not stop laughing, and are still running around the house yelling, too hot, too cool.

My Verdict, too hot, too cool, tutu.

If you have any other IPL videos you would like me to review pop them in the comments like Vinay did.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Bangalore fan song

Unfair to bag this, as it seems like a fan effort.

If it is official, it's dodgy as.

I like when they use the same footage 3 times over, shows the editor got a little sleepy.

But even better is the amount of fog machine work used behind the players at the official launch, it likes a scene from Casablanca.

The lyrics are awesome as well.

"Wasim Jaffer lot to offer, Venktash Prasad coaching super."

It's like a Eurovision song.

No Verdict required, thanks to Vinay for the heads up.
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Money off Telegraph Fantasty Cricket

If you fancy entering our Daily Telegraph fantasy cricket league (and you're all most welcome) but are slightly perterped by the six quid you're required to pay, fear not. Enter BRITOVAL as a special offer code as you're registering your team and you'll get two quid off.

Just remember, don't tell anyone who told you...

Eyelids takes over Notts

I couldn't believe my eyes (no need for that pun).

Darren Pattinson, also know as eyelids, is strutting his stuff for Nottinghamshire, which is not a side in the IPL.

Eyelids was born in the UK, but was brought up in Victoria, hence why he is a sh1t hot fast bowler.

His nickname of eyelids comes from his approach to the wicket where his eyelids seem to flap around alot and it often looks as if he is coming in to bowl with his eyes closed.

He was mentioned to Notts by none other than the Future PM himself, David Hussey.

For the Notts faithful who visit this site, which would be thousands, I will illuminate eyelids for you.

He is a chesty front on sort of bowler, who can bowl into the 140's down breeze on a windy day and seams the ball around a bit.

He doesn't look like a superstar, but the man gets wickets quite often, perhaps by making the batsman confused at the man running in with his eyes shut.

First game ended with 8 wickets against Kent, who from memory have no players on any real skill, but he did get out Robert Key, who I think once might have played for England, but has been retired from all forms of cricket for the last few years, only to make a comeback to go out against Eyelids.

Eyelids also made a stoic 33 odd, so this is a very good start for the man, who i presume will play for England within the next 4 months.

Oh and Eyelids has a younger brother as well, who is a bowling clone of Eyelids, who has really big wraps on him and who has already played for the Australian under whatever side, so probably can't play for England.

Such a shame, as from all reports, the kid is a super freak.

www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

my new friends and their wacky google searches

The IPL has whipped the world into a frenzy of cricket.

We the cricket loving intellectuals are still unsure at this form of cricket, but the newbies love it, and are bringing a new load of google searches over here.

They just need a little bit of education.

chris lewis cricket nude - the brown sugar man is probably past his naked days

cricketers porn - I don't have the Craig McDermott video

gay men oiled up - What happens on tour stays on tour

how to bust a bigger nut - Roshan Mahanama is an expert in this

kallis love stuff - I'm not the only one who talks about his "love stuff"


michael slater adam gilchrist wife - I thought we were onto the Vaughn/Trescothick rumour now


swollen adam's apple - It's not swollen, Sharma is always like that

zinta and yuvraj in bad position - unless Zinta's old man walks in with a shot gun, I'm pretty sure Yuvraj wouldn't think any position with her was badwww.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Episode 7 - the podcast

Powered by Podbean.com

Click here to subscribe to podcast on itunes.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Knightriders want a road

Following one bad pitch, the Hasselhoffs are fuming.

They didn’t join the IPL for close games and sex scandals, they joined for orgasmic love spectaculars, with runs aplenty.

Not dirty acts involving the Viscount Linley on dodgy pitches where homosexual acts and blackmail were involved.

This is not the place for a clean cut man like SRK (Shahrukh Khan), or even a giant alien lizard like Ganugly.

So they have decided on doing what all the IPL teams seem to do in a crisis, they have turned to Australia, and are looking for a pitch specialist.

And I have just the man for the job, he has a great reputation, has worked on the most important sporting ground in the world, and Bill Lawry mentions him all the time.

Tony Ware.

He was the man responsible for taking the MCG from unplayable mud heap, to awesome cricket wicket, to unplayable drop in pitch, in only a decade or so.

That is quite an accomplishment.

And he is no longer head curator at the G.

So IPL he is all yours, if the price is righttttttttttt.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Monday, April 21, 2008

team balance loses out

Last night there was a tale of two bowling teams.

The Raj Royals had one.

Shane Keith.

He sliced out all the vital organs at the critical times, and kept the Punjabi Kings total gettable.

He wasn’t even put off by the fact he has a team who can’t field.

Then when the Punjabs strode out, with probably the only proper and full fledged attack in the whole competition, they let Shane Watson, yes that Shane Watson, yes I know, him, yes terry test match, smash them all around the park.

Now the Punjab’s with their well balanced good bowling side are none from 2, and the Royals with there sh1t I hope Warne gets out all their good batsmen side, are 1 from 2.

Surely this madness must end.

Brett Lee, probably the best fast bowler in world cricket.

Sreesanth, probably the only guy Andre Nel doesn’t trust.

Jimmy Hopes, Ian Harvey Mark II.

Irfan Pathan, conqueror of perth.

Piyush Chawla, the baby faced mini Kumble.

And they can’t win a game.

Warne’s side opened the bowling with Watson and Patel.

It’s not really the same is it.

Punjab’s pull your finger out, if you have a real king, I’m sure he demands it.

On a heavier note, it’s great to see Boof Lehmann out there, he’ll stretch those tops for all they are worth.

He might not have played first class cricket in 4 months, but you’d swear it was years at times, his dropped catch was superb.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Howlin wolf is back baby

In October Sreesanth was the angriest mother fu©ker on the alien's green earth.

He was abusing Australians on the field, and doing an even better job off the field.

Then he lost his fire, there was no more moanin at midnight and his red rooster was turning pink.

But one over against the Shane Warne Royals and all that hostility came flooding back.

First he dismissed kaif with a ripping first nut.

And then thrusted his wang dang doodle at kaif in a penile send off, as fiercely as I’ve seen outside of an Apex Twin film clip.

Then he worked Kamran Akmal over, with the ball occasionally but with his mouth repeatedly, in a spell so fiery the umpire, Kamran and Yuvraj all tried to calm him down.

Oh this is my kinda Sreesanth, evil.

Ofcourse all this anger didn’t help him as Shane Watson, of all people, smacked him around.

But it was nice to know he still has it in him.

His fist pumps at the top of his mark are worth the price of admission alone.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

FP Trophy Weekly Round-up

The domestic limited overs season got off to a cold, miserable and pretty soggy start this weekend, not that the sides who emerged victorious will have minded! The elements did for [b]Lancashire vs Derby[/b], [b]Leicestershire vs Northamptonshire[/b] and [b]Warwickshire vs Nottinghamshire[/b]. There was though play elsewhere and a couple of entertaining matches.

Nowhere was there a closer match than at The Riverside, where [b]Durham narrowly came out on top over Yorkshire[/b]. Put into bat, Durham were in trouble early on, with young seamer Ajmal Shahzad particularly impressive (1-30). Phil Mustard (25) was once again guilty of getting in and then out, courtesy of a leg side hack. He will need to go on more often if he is to stay in England’s ODI side. Despite the wickets of Shahzad, Tim Bresnan (3-51) and Deon Kruis (2-37), the Dynamos crept their way up to 220 all out with four balls remaining, recent overseas arrival, Neil McKenzie, top scoring with a well paced 77. It was a good total on what was a seamer friendly wicket and Yorkshire soon slipped to 57-5 and then 140-8 in reply, largely thanks to an impressive opening spell of 2-19 from 8 overs by Neil Killeen. However, the holders were given a scare by Shahzad (33), this time impressive with the bat and the ever improving Bresnan (55). The Dynamos closed out the game though, just, with Graham Onions (1-40) having Bresnan caught in the covers with 6 needed off of 2 balls. It was a wonderful advert for the game and as far as England player watch is concerned, Liam Plunkett bagged 1-32 and Steve Harmison 2-40. Adil Rashid meanwhile bowled just four overs and was run out for a duck.

Elsewhere, [b]Essex and Kent[/b] served up a run feast at Canterbury. Essex were stuck into bat by Rob Key and the decision backfired spectacularly with the Eagles amassing 317-5 from their fifty overs, captain Mark Pettini (119) and Ravi Bopara (99) the standout performers. There were two wickets apiece for Yasir Arafat and Ryan McLaren, but the bowling figures were generally expensive and England hopeful James Tredwell returned a less than impressive 0-52 from ten overs. Kent got to 286-9 in reply, but Martin van Jaarsveld (124) was the only Spitfire to get beyond 30 odd. Meanwhile, Bopara pitched in with a wicket and there were two apiece again for Andre Nel, Chris Wright and James Middlebrook.

To The Oval and [b]Surrey vs Middlesex[/b]. More runs aplenty here, with Middlesex registering 315-6, Andrew Strauss hitting a career best 163, ably supported by Ed Joyce (42) and Owais Shah (55). Chris Jordan and Jade Dernbach each took two wickets, but with economy rates of over six. In reply, Surrey made a good start with Scott Newman (65) and James Benning (47) giving the Brown Caps hope. However, youngster Danny Evans (3-36) and debutant Gareth Berg (4-50) were impressive and only Mark Butcher (46) offered any real further threat.

[b]Somerset meanwhile opted to field first at Taunton against Hampshire[/b] and the Hawks struggled to 221 all out with four balls left and were indebted to Michael Lumb (47), Nic Pothas (55) and captain Dimi Mascarenhas (53), who were the only real contributors. The returning Ben Phillips (3-47) and wily Steffan Jones (2-29) were the standout bowlers. 221 was never enough at Taunton, even in April and although Somerset suffered an early scare, slipping to 91-4, with a run a ball rate need from the last 20 overs, Ian Blackwell (86*) and John Francis (48*) saw them home with 14 balls left, Blackwell particularly destructive, which will undoubtedly have registered on Peter Moores’ radar. Mascarenhas (1-26), Shane Bond (1-33) and Chris Tremlett (1-39) each took a wicket and ended with tidy figures, but the back up bowling just wasn’t there.

The final match of the day saw [b]Gloucestershire canter to victory over Worcestershire[/b] at a lively Bristol. Put into bat, The Royals made 221-8, Ben Smith (75) and Daryl Mitchell (63) the main players. The pace bowling trio of Jon Lewis (2-48), Anthony Ireland (2-43) and Steve Kirby (2-19) exploited the conditions well. In reply, Kadeer Ali (63) and Hamish Marshall (57) laid the foundations, while Craig Spearman (64) finished off the game, Chris Whelan taking two uneconomical wickets for the Royals.

[b]Player of the Week:[/b] For a career best 163 off 130 balls, with 23 fours and 4 sixes, it has to be the resurgent [b]Andrew Strauss[/b]. Ian Blackwell gets an honourable mention as do Neil McKenzie and Tim Bresnan.

England's prospects for Summer 2008.

The ECB today announced a 26 man England Performance Squad for the 2008 Summer season. Along with the centrally contracted players and many of the usual suspects, the uncapped trio of Michael Carberry, James Tredwell and most excitingly Adil Rashid, were included in the 'EPS'. Doubtless much will be made of Rashid's inclusion; the young spinner has impressed greatly whether it be with Yorkshire or on the recent England Lions tour to India, while England have been searching for leg-spinning magic for as long as can be remembered. Although it is clearly important to allow these young and clearly talented players to come under Peter Moores' tutelage, one wonders whether or not there are any gaps in the England side that need to be filled. Despite the absence of Harmison and Hoggard in Napier, the England team is beginning to be as settled as it has been post the much celebrated 2005 Ashes triumph, so here is an opportunity to look more closely at the players who will make up the England team in the 2008 Summer.
Alistair Cook's unflappable temperament at the top of the order has meant that Marcus Trescothick has not been too sorely missed, while Michael Vaughan and Andrew Strauss, despite recent blips complete a top three of real International pedigree. This author would suggest that perhaps there is only room for two of the aforementioned batsmen at the top of the order, and that Ian Bell as opposed to Vaughan or Strauss would be a better prospect at number three. Nonetheless it would be no surprise to see Bell taking up a slot in the middle order sandwiched between Kevin Pietersen and Paul Collingwood, both of whom are automatic selections in both forms of the game. Tim Ambrose will hopefully be given a chance to prove himself throughout the summer, and first impressions would suggest that he has a real chance to establish himself as a permanent fixture in the Test team.


Considering the hype surrounding Andrew Flintoff's return to domestic cricket, it would seem that his International come-back is imminent, though it would be interesting to see him in a slightly different role than he once filled; as a bowler with the ability to change the game fro number 8, although it could be argued that this is a waste of the supreme all-rounder's undoubted talents.


That leaves the bowlers, and while Harmison and Hoggard will have something to prove in the opening county exchanges, they will be on the edge of Test match selection throughout the summer. Stuart Broad impressed sufficiently over the winter to suggest that he has a real future and it would be a tough break if he were to make way for either Harmison or Hoggard. Ryan Sidebottom was the star of the New Zealand tour and with his flowing locks and dangerous swing back into the right handers, Michael Vaughan will be calling on him time and again throughout a busy summer. James Anderson's ability to extract regular and sometimes late swing has meant that the selectors have persisted with him for long periods of time and his will be a name on the selectors' lips throughout the summer. Monty Panesar, after bursting onto the International scene, had a largely disappointing winter, and it would be an interesting move if the selector were to plump for the winter's drinks carrier Graeme Swann, James Tredwell or even Rashid, especially as any of these three would offer substantially more with the bat and in the field.
Owais Shah and Ravi Bopara lie on the cusp of selection, but it is difficult to imagine either getting a run in the Test side without injuries to some of the more established players. Thus, even though a 26 man EPS has been named, England's side is reasonably well settled, and the competition for places is very healthy, particularly amongst the seam bowlers.

England will hope to be more dominant and assertive against New Zealand this time around, although South Africa will pose a far more serious challenge. The Proteas' pace attack is one to be feared, with Dale Steyn becoming more dangerous by the series, Makyha Ntini still a force to be reckoned with and Morne Morkel consistently bowling close to 90mph. Moreover South Africa's batting line up has been firing lately with Neil McKenzie enjoying a renaissance and Hashim Amla finally reproducing his domestic form on the International arena Graeme Smith and Jaques Kallis are seriously class acts and Mark Boucher and AB de Villiers will make consistent contributions in the middle order. England will need to be at their best if they are to compete and consistently so. The first step towards consistent performances is sending out an unchanged side, consistently, enabling the team to bond and develop an understanding as per the 2005 Ashes.


On a finishing note it is interesting to observe two notable omissions from the EPS, Simon Jones has become somewhat of a forgotten man during his recovery from injury, but this author would suggest that he can be a bowler of International class again, while the other man to miss out is the one and only Mr Mark Ramprakash, who, rather inevitably opened his 2008 Championship account with a patient century.

Championship Review – Week 1

[b]The predictions have been made, everyone is optimistic about their chances and a Siberian wind seems to be preventing the temperature reaching double figures. Must be the start of a new season. Two England bowlers started their latest comebacks this week, while some golden oldies scored a lot of runs. [/b]

[b]Division 1[/b]
Starting at the Oval, where [b]Lancashire [/b]returned to the scene of their ultimate disappointment last season. Much of the focus was on the returning Andrew Flintoff, who encouragingly bowled a lot of overs for not many runs. Less encouraging for Lancs, though, was letting [b]Surrey[/b] reach 537 for 5, with Mark Ramprakash being missed twice before hitting another hundred (number 98). Mark Butcher and Usman Afzaal also scored tons. The weather saved Lancs as they struggled to 241 for 6 on what seemed to be a flat pitch.

Champions [b]Sussex [/b]also played out a rain affected draw, Murray Goodwin scoring a ton in their 332 all out with Shane Bond taking 7 wickets. [b]Hampshire [/b]replied with 319 for 7 before the drizzle put paid to the match.

Two of the teams tipped to struggle met at Canterbury, with Darren Pattinson taking 5-fer as [b]Kent [/b]were skittled for 162. [b]Nottinghamshire [/b]then made 434, thanks to a ton from Kent old boy Mark Ealham. Kent did better second time round and an Azhar Mahmood scored a ton as they reached 293. However, Notts only needed 24 to win, which they did without losing a wicket to top Division 1.

[b]Division 2[/b]
The two relegated teams met, with [b]Worcestershire [/b]being denied by some late [b]Warwickshire [/b]resistance and the weather. Batting first, Stephen Moore hit an unbeaten century as the Pears scored 249. The Bears replied with 215, although Simon Jones only managed to bowl 3 overs. Worcester, with tons from Vikram Solanki and Graeme Hick declared on 447 for 7. Warwicks with the aid of the weather held on for the draw, closing on 164 for 7, but Worcester will be happier with their start to the season, despite the continuing doubts about the fitness of Simon Jones.

Favourites [b]Middlesex [/b]got off to a promising start, with Owais Shah getting a ton in their 312 all out. [b]Leicestershire [/b]went past this with 405, thanks to tons from Tom New and HD Ackerman. Nadeem Malik then took five wickets as Middlesex were restricted to 258 and Leicester knocked of the required 168 for the loss of just four wickets.

[b]Essex [/b]restricted [b]Northamptonshire [/b]to 280 before making 503 for 5 themselves, based around a stand of 294 between Jason Gallion (171) and Ravi Bopara (150). Northants scored 237, just enough to make Essex bat again. They got the 15 required for the loss of one wicket for maximum points.

[b]Derbyshire’s [/b]season got off to a terrible start, scoring just 124 against [b]Gloucestershire[/b], who replied with 314. Chris Rogers century in the second innings brought Derby to 361. Unfortunately the final day was washed out and Derby escaped with a draw.

[b]Player of the Week[/b]
A good week for a number of ex-England players as Ramprakash, Butcher, Afzaal, Hick, Ealham, Gallian and Solanki all scored hundreds. There were also tons for two players on the fringe of the England team Owais Shah’s was in a losing cause, but this week’s player of the week, for his 150 and also for 5 wickets in Essex’s win is [b]Ravi Bopara[/b].

Reasons to like the IPL

Number 1.

Dominic Thornely has got 15 stitches in his face as punishment for being part of the NSWelsh side to defeat Victoria.

This time of the year I usually wouldn’t know about Thornley getting hit in the face.

Some very intelligent man recently wrote on another blog.

Dominic Thronely, red hair, hits the ball a long way, is afraid of short fast bowling, bowls medium pace averagely.

Zaheer Khan slipped one through the grill last night to make me sound like a prophet.

Bout time.

That is all.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Crikey, is like cricket but with different letters

The good folks at crikey, the online subversive Australian media outlet, have trolled the Super Highway and done a special little piece on Cricket Bloggers and the IPL.

Ofcourse I'm in it, otherwise I would not have mentioned it.

King cricket is in it, because they are in everything, (although I am above them and have far more column space, finally I have my revenge in a small online Australian publication).

Outside the line is in it, because like me, Crikey likes Adam Sandler.

And even Soulberry over at TCWJ gets recruited from India for the piece.

Oh and if you have never heard of Crikey, according to them they are,

Crikey is an independent online media service. Every week day we send our 10,000+ subscribers (known as the Crikey Army) an email crammed with the latest news, analysis, juicy gossip, reviews, rumours, links and prescient tips. It arrives in subscribers’ inboxes around lunchtime. All the articles from Crikey’s daily email are also posted on this website, but most of them are locked â€" you’ll need to register for a free trial or sign up for a subscription if you want to read them.

According to the mainstream media they are (unts, so you have to like em.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Outside your line

There are quite a few blogs taking the IPL seriously.

Well Pitched I’m looking at you.

But that doesn’t interest me much.

Outside the line is a cricket blog that occasionally talks about cricket.

My kind of cricket blog.

For some reason the proprietor of said blog, a D.S. Henry, has decided to try and blog daily on this competition.

So far he has done well, he has quoted Gil Scott Heron, he’s bagged Shane Watson, he’s stood up for bowlers and he quite skilfully bagged Jacques Kallis and his behind.

He has a fistful of daily awards, like old timer or an egg timer, and catch from the catchment.

So get over there and help the man out.

He likes Rasheed Wallace as well, so you know he has good character.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Future PM at it again

David Hussey had to guide his side to victory after it collapsed chasing a small target on a dodgy pitch.

For the Future PM , this was business as usual.

His team bowls out opposition for low score, Victoria does that every second game.

His team completely loses the plot chasing a low score, every time.

His team loses the plot because the pitch is so damn dodgy, every game at the MCG.

Future Pm rectifies this by hitting sixes and fours towards the death just to make sure the team doesn’t sweat too much, it's liek freakin dejavu, except with the bad plot and stupid special effects.

Although, I would have liked to think the Victorians could have added a bit more drama to the game with a comical run out and a tail ender hitting his first ball straight up in the air a well.

Future PM’s brother, King Probot, might go okay on flat wickets, but the Future Pm has been smiting attacks around for years on the dodgiest wicket in Australia.

Now he has been shipped to India on a kabillion dollar contract and he single handedly made Sourav Ganguly look much less sh1te.

This was the first IPL game that was sort of close.

It wasn’t all the way close, but it did almost make it to the last over, even if the Hasselhoffs had 5 wickets in hand.

Sourav decided not too open, probably because the pitch looked dodgy.

The Adam’s Apple of Sharma was still pointy, and over all the Australians dominated the game with the top 3 scores.

Usually I would be down heartened that my team, the mighty brave Deccan Chargers, lost in their battle, to the death, with the Hoffs, but the future PM got to show everyone how great he is, so I am as happy as Sourav watching someone else do the hard work.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

IPL improvements

2020 is still not perfect.

A while ago I wrote about possible improvements for 2020 cricket.

These were based on the Australian model.

Now these are my improvements for the Indian model.

As every team seems to have one celebratory owner, why not do something more with them than just cut to them 83 times a match. At the interval they should have to fight each other to the death. Most of them are bollywood stars anyway, and there is plenty more where that came from.

Aamir Sohail and Greg Chappell should be allowed to do 5 minutes of stand up comedy before each game.

Since all the cheerleaders had to be flown in, why not replace them with actual porn stars, no need for flirty failed dancers. Just get porn stars in, they can be clothed.

The opening ceremony had laser shows, why not allow two young kids to have lasers during the game, and point them at however the feel the need to temporarily blind.

No matter what the score is, for the last over 19 runs is needed. That way we may get to combine the slogging with close finishes.

Every team should have one player who goes out on the field in traditional sikh clothing. Sword included, and if they deem it neccasary they can cut off the hand of a team mate who continues to field badly.

Players should be escorted out onto the ground with a lady on each arm.

The cheerleaders should be allowed to play, possibly instead of Ganguly.

Batting orders should be reversed at the discretion of the first drunken fan who is evicted. If none are evicted, the last person evicted from the MCG should make decisions.

Robert Mugabe should take over a team, and then take over the whole league and start killing the other celebrity owners, whilst starving the players.

Mascots should play a game against each other, to the death.

Finally we need some sort of spiritual aspect, lets get that young girl with the two faces down, and sit her in the middle of the ground during the break. And then let her bite the two players she hates the most.

That is my kind of league.
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Saturday, April 19, 2008

bangalore royal challengers

This is the best thing I could find on the royal challengers.

It's an ad bagging my team, but it's really just a nice little tribal enemy snippet.

Verdict, probably alot cheaper than the rest, and maybe more effective.

IF anyone could find the pinks to the teams I haven't done yet, I would be greatly appreciated. All I can find is shoddy fan videos.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

pakistan rule the world again

Pakistan have won 10 straight home one day internationals.

They are the most inform team in the world.

The world stopped as they went for their 10th straight victory.

Bars shut.

Brothels put the radio on.

Mosques brought in LCD screens and surround sound systems.

Pakistan cruised to Victory over the mighty Bangladesh.

People went and found long lost relatives.

Bread was made, and then broken and some man was so excited he had sex with a goat (he was quick to point out it was a female goat).

Salman does mine look big in this, smashed Javed Miandad’s tournament record to prove once and for all that he is a far superior batsman than Miandad.

Shoaib Malik captained magnificently, the 8 people at the ground all agreed he was a better captain than Imran Khan.

Surely now after this amazing run of 10 straight wins, the world is not enough for Pakistan.

They are, according to my calculations, undisputed one day champions of the world, and deserve a trip to the IPL to pick up the fat cash that is on offer.

Well done Pakistan.

www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

punjab has a normal king

OK second innings after my attempt to do an OBO got thwarted by a replay of the footy, a game that I was at.Channel 10 are a great TV channel, showing all this non live sport. Jimmy got hit a nice one in the nuts, if you listened closely you could hear him say fu(c)k.Hey Ian, have I told you about the DLf maximum DLF 6's award for the most DLF sixes you can hit whilst we count them for the DLf maximum FDLF 6's award, no you haven't, have I told you about a similar award for the commentators who can DLF 6's the most amount of times in one DLF 6's type sentence when talking about DLF 6's award maximum DLF 6 competition, and you also get a special DLF 6's orange hat for when you are talking about the DLF 6's award DLF competition. Preity Zinta has taken over from Kris Srikkanth, who took over from SRK last night. So far way less annoying than SRK, but that's not hard. Jimmy Hopes is very close to inventing a shot today. He is part agriculturist and part backyard inventor right now. Eventually the mad farmer went out.The King took control, even without a cape or underwear on the outside like a super king would have on. Murali finished off the king, and Punjab ran out of balls. Another great close game. And I had to put up with the the Krab Katich at the end. www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

1st innings report of the caped kings

I viewed another IPL game. What can I say, I have been starved of cricket recently, and Jimmy Hopes is playing.SO today it's chennai vs punjab. Superkings have borrowed some of the old Australian uniforms, which I assumed had been burned. I struggled to get into this match, it could have been that King Probot made an unbrutal hundred. Or Greg Chappell and Aamir Sohail. Sohail's pitch report was as awkward as they come. He gave Murali the weirdest introduction, something about India's favourite adopted son who needs no introduction whilst he gave him a 30 second introduction. Ofcourse then greg Chappell got into the commentary box and proved once and again that efficiency with the willow does not translate into the microphone. On the field, Hayden looked ok, the little ex keeper patel i think his name is looked good for a moment. Dhoni and Oram never got started, but King Probot M Hussey was looking unbeatable against a pretty good bowling line.This might prove again that having a good bowling line up can mean very little in 2020. Little Rajna looked very impressive, not as impressive as Kris Srikkanth.I liked the back of the Punjab shirts, the front wasn't great, but so far my favourite shirts.I shall try an over by over for the second dig. www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Rajasthan royals clip

All bar the cardboard cut outs of the cricketers could be an add for the tourism board of India.

Verdict, don't know if its a great cricket promo, but i did really want to visit India when it finished.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

random notes on a delayed bradcast, not an OBO of Punjab

Please refresh the page at 2 minute intervals, and sorry about the spilling and typos.

My boy Jimmy is opening with Goel.

Oram takes the new ball, Punjab are a shot at this.

Hey I just realised this is not live, so I'm doing an OBO for no good reason.

So I'll give my notes when the game finishes then.

See you then.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

A long road back for Flintoff

Despite what the media would have you believe, there was more to the Surrey-Lancashire game than the state of Mr Flintoff.

The relentless talk of Andrew Flintoff's comeback is tedious in the extreme. It is a sad indictment of the media's lack of regard for county cricket that, even in a match in which he has been anonymous, taking one wicket and scoring 23, he has dominated the headlines. The story of the first day was not Lancashire twice missing Mark Ramprakash before he marched to his third consecutive championship hundred (all against Lancs). Of course it wasn't. Freddie bowled 10.3 overs on the opening day of his comeback. He took 1-26. Stop the press.

The man himself: Andrew Flintoff during his 28 overs.

The obsession with Flintoff can't be doing him or his side any good. With all the talk over this game as the first step on the road to an England return, a part of him can't help but regard it more about him than his county, no matter how wholehearted a cricketer he is. Lancs must also grow tired, much like the rest of us, that all questions lead to Fred. Neither him nor his team-mates will be enjoying the disproportionate attention he is receiving for what have been less-than-stellar deeds. Frankly, he needs at least six weeks of hard, competitive cricket for Lancashire before he can be considered seriously for England again; it would be a huge mistake to recall him on reputation alone. That doesn't mean surviving unscathed, it means making decisive contributions - scoring centuries and taking five-fors. There were tentative signs of encouragement, certainly, as he kept going admirably on a flat track, but nowhere near enough to justify the hype.

Inevitably he has totally overshadowed the noteworthy displays in the match: above all a trio of centuries from Surrey's powerful middle-order. Ramprakash was actually below his usual imperious best, but he has been so phenomenal over the past two years that, visibly, opponents are in awe of him. Bowlers often bowl worse to him than they do to other batsmen; fielders react over-eagerly to any opportunities, such is the value they put on his wicket. So, just as in the last game of last season, Lancs missed out on two chances - this time a catch and a run-out - before he had made even 20. Try telling them there is one - let alone six - batsmen in England who are better. Mark Butcher was also supremely attractive driving through the off-side in putting on a double century stand with Ramprakash.

Never mind the score...how's Freddie?

But the most noteworthy knock in the context of Surrey's season was surely Usman Afzaal's debut hundred. Butcher has spoken about providing an environment for this sometimes mercurial talent to flourish and, if this was any indicator, they have certainly done so. Pulling with authority and great power against Sajid Mahmood, Afzaal played Gary Keedy's left-arm spin exquisitely, using his feet and the aerial route. On the basis of this serene and aesthetically-pleasing knock, Afzaal will score many runs at The Oval this season. Thanks to Ali Brown's belligerent 74*, Surrey have already improved in one shocking statistics from last season, when they registered just a solitary score in excess of 70 from any player batting outside the top four, showing the extent of their reliance on Ramprakash.

Afzaal driving during his debut hundred

See, there was plenty to talk about: and that's before we even get started on Lancashire returning at the first opportunity to where they missed out on the championship at the end of last year's epic race. On this evidence they have much work to do if they are get that close again: their fielding was shoddy; their bowling lacked control, save for Flintoff, let alone any great threat; and their batting has been too loose, although the weather has been such that a draw was always the overwhelming favourite.

But the story was all about how Freddie was doing, with the score barely deemed relevant. Maybe those who are infuriated by a non-performance covering the first half of every match report are missing the point. Who needs runs or wickets for intrigue when we've got Freddie's ankle to worry about?

Kings Punjab XI

A whole clip dedicate to people happy to touch Yuvraj's balls. Well I assume its Yuvraj.

Lovely cheap green screen techniques and amazingly good arms from the actors means Yuvraj's nut goes into the hands of many different people while Preity Zinta (yet again I assume) dances to keep the crowd entertained while they wait for the ball to come back.

Verdict, goes on for way to long, but does include semi naked men touching each other and a sling shot.

PS, nice touch with Zinta kissing Yuvraj's ball at the end.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

IPL video

I think this is the Official IPL Video.

Has a great sound track, is well edited and actually focuses on the cricket.

Problem is the cheap special effects make it hard to look at.

Verdict, my eyes hurt.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

IPl reportish

I watched the first IPL game, in between other activities, that you don't need to know about.

This is what I saw.

Ganguly & McCullum come out with bling helmets on.

McCullum's is far blingier, Sourav must have been pissed.

McCullum's pads are from the future, and would even look stupid there.

Rudi Koertzen is sporting one hell of a cowboy hat, and a slim fitting shirt. Rauf also has the cowboy hat, memo to all pakistani umpires, cowboy hats are not your thing.

The cheerleaders who are in the grandstand look older than Bryce McGain.

Kallis catches Ganguly, see even with a load of International stars I can still find the double negative.

Do they have to cut to SRK every time a batsman (read McCullum) hits a boundary.

Ponting still not in form, and as i write this he goes out.

SRK is getting the best work out of his life.

Cameron White might want to hand some of his money back after his first over.

SRK watch, 23 stupid dances, 84 fist pumps and 12 times he has gotten up and no one around him has.

McCullum makes a non international hundred. He is paying the same innings i play in my dreams, and in my dreams a bollywood star celebrates every shot as well, but it's not SRK.

That is over, McCullum was the only batsman, even the great David Hussey Future PM included, who liked like making runs and he tore the @ss out of the Royal Challengers.

Brad Haddin is doing special comments for Channel 10 in the studio, this has not been a good debut for him. He hasn't even mentioned pricks or balls yet.

Oh and by the way, the ten minute break between the innings is not enough time to have a real session, if you catch my drift.

I assuming the cameraman in front of SRK will get killed if he can't capture SRK after every good thing that happens.

The Adam's Apple of Sharma is looking downright dangerous right now.

Oh Wasim Jaffer, you are a worry.

The IPl is worth a kabillion dollars and the logos on the Royal Challengers shirts are stuck on with krazy glue.

That's it Cameron Big Bear White is out, and I'm going to bed.

Just another close 2020 game.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Friday, April 18, 2008

the Kolkata Hoffs

Two clips in, two western themes.

Great shot to start of a batsman stepping on a extremely breakable skull, a la Terminator 2.

Finishes up with a bunch of oiled up dudes in weird medieval helmets walking towards the screen and taking off said helmets and looking at the screen.

Verdict, virtually no Ganguly is good, but is a very boring clip.

This one is a little odd.

www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

the Mumbai Indians

Ultra Patriotic Bollywood inspired bore fest.

Although maybe I'm being harsh as the comments said "Ultimate Song" and "What a song".

Alot of hand pointing fist clenching action, the indians will be all about the hands it seems.

Verdict, surely more Luke Ronchi shots could have been used, and perhaps even images of cricketers other than a billboard with SRT on it.www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"

Thursday, April 17, 2008

My IPL thoughts

I thought on this semi momentous day, I would give you some of my thoughts on IPL.

I don't like the name, sounds like a name for accountancy firm, and Indian Premier League is much better yet greatly ignored.

I do hope 2020 games will eventually out strip on day games, but it's the club format I don't like. Australian soccer players have all sorts of trouble getting their clubs to ok them to play for their county, and their are way more international cricket games than soccer friendlies.

In a country where people starve I think that this sort of opulence is obscene. The only reason any indian should spend money on Ashwell Prince is so he can be carved up and served at dinner time to the indignant.

Ricky &amp; Future PM have to play for Sourav, I always felt sorry for the Indians who played under him, but now Australian's are doing it, and more importantly David Hussey, it's shocking.

Victorian's are finally getting their dues in the IPL, shunned at home, but lauded abroad, like Nick Cave and Jason Donovan.

The names of the teams, knight riders, some sort of medieval sexual name, super kings, much better than usual kings. And why are all the teams monarchists, where are the republic teams?

Cheerleaders, I've never got them. I know I'm a pervert, but I get no thrill from watching cheerleaders, either get naked and have an orgy, or put your clothes on and sit down.

Bollywood stars, why?

Domestic cricketers are finally gettting paid what they are owed. For too long if you weren't in the top 15 players in your country you were paid a similar wage to a plumber.

The length of the tournament, good luck keeping people interested for 42 days.

So there you have it.

www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"