News from New Zealand, Jake makes the women cry, Jesse to shake his ass for Australians and Shane still bitter

Jacob Oram’s back is so bad, he is cancelling his modelling shoot on the gold coast, also the cricket tour he was going to play inbetween.

His back has never recovered from all the times he bent it bowling at his top pace.

Sorry.

It is so bad that he can’t play Australia.

Millions of Australian women are crying into their cereal this morning.

Jacob inspired mills & boon books are being burnt.

And women are cancelling their holidays.

An emotionally frail Australia may have been just the meal ticket for the perfect boyfriend.

Although the pitches with bounce might have troubled him, and that could have left Ian Smith in tears, actual man tears.

So perhaps this is all for the best.

New Zealand probably wont beat Australia regardless of the perfect boyfriends condition, but he would have been one of those X Factors I hear so much about.

He could have filled the day with 10 overs of that choking medium pace he likes so much.

And then popped in with the odd cameo when the Aussie bowlers were too tired to bowl short.

Instead he will be at home, and some South African no one in the world cares about will play.

It’s hardly the same thing now is it.

The tour will still be exciting, as Badonkadonk Ryder is involved.

Australia love a opposition cult figure, and the last one to turn up was Monty, and he bored the crap out of them.

So they need a bit of sumtin sumtin, and Jesse should be able to provide said flair.

In more New Zealand cricket news Shane Bond has come out and said he never wants to play for his country again after the way he was treated.

He will play for Indian millionaires though, they rock.

Imagine if all the cricketers in the world decided not to play for their country after they were treated badly.

Pakistan and the West Indies would never field a team.

Australia would have only Probots, more so than now.

And England would have a team of public school boys saying toodle pip and wishing they could be amateurs again.

Remember Shane, your country is more important than bumbling administracrats who can’t even appoint a coach.

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