Dear Simon,

We’ve had our up and downs.

Ok, mostly downs.

There has always been a certain friction between us.

I blame you, that technique is grating on the eyes, and ofcourse there was leaving a neutral state for the devil so you could get a test cap.

People could say I was overly harsh at times, sure they remembered the 05 ashes, and some of them even remember you opening with Gilchrist, but they thought that with 'another' extended run you could come good, and no one deserves as much vitriol as i gave you.

They were wrong.

They never saw you in state cricket, shuffling around like a demented hermit krab scoring at a strike rate that could bore Boycott.

They don’t know the pain you have put me through.

Watching you bat was like getting an enema from a bear with chainsaws for hands.

I still feel that way.

But, just because aesthetically you pain me, does not mean I cannot see your niche in the team at this very moment.

You are the coal miner in a bunch of stockbrokers and accountants.

And I am not just saying that because you are dirty a lot of the time, and I cough when I think of you.

Right at the moment the Australian team needs someone to make ugly runs.

Sure that hurts me to say it, but it’s true.

Almost every other time you have played this has not been the case.

Obviously a lot of those times were the selectors fault, but with you krabbing around I took it out on you, occasionally I may have gone too far.

Probably not through.

Anyway, your 4 hundreds in 8 tests have placated my anger.

Don’t think I have gone soft though Simon, if you fuck up I will fling as much faeces and bile at you to drown an elephant.

Right at the moment you are doing ok, so don’t fuck that up, and I’ll try to keep the insults down to the bare minimum of one per post.

Cheers

Jrod

PS I’m still going to call you the Krab, especially now it is Michael Slater approved.

cricketwithballs

www.cricketwithballs.com... We constantly get sodomized down the legside