Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Neils

Welcome ladies & germs to the inaugural Neils.

It’s the awards for outstanding achievement on the field of balls.

Those who made us laugh, cry, and fling excrement.

I am your host, Vincent Price.

There are many important awards, but ofcourse the main award, the Neil, goes to the player who made the most noise whilst not playing cricket.

This award ceremony is startlingly short, only 10 hours, and contains musical performances.

Lets get into the awards.

The Charlie Manson Award
Player who is most likely loved or hated

The nominees are

Michael Vaughan
Matthew Hayden
Harbhajan Singh
Graeme Smith

And the winner is Harbhajan, any player who can slap someone, racially vilify someone and still take an assload of wickets in one year is bound to divide people.

The Dick Cheney Award
Given to a non ICC administracrat who had the most impact on the game

James Sutherland
Lalit Modi
Giles Clarke
Kapil Dev

Was this one ever in doubt, Lalit does what he pleases, like he did in college.

The Richard Branson Award
The award for most blatant self promotion

Allen Stanford
Iain O’Brien
AB De Villiers

Ok IOB and AB were only put in to make it look like Stanford might not win this one.

The Michael Moore Award
Best use of the media as propaganda

Lalit Modi
Iain O’Brien
James Sutherland
Ricky Ponting

In some peoples eyes this has to go to Lalit Modi, but had any of you heard of Iain O’Brien this time last year, now he is in everyone’s rss feeds and he controls what you read about him, because there is still very few other people writing about him. Genius.

And here is SRK and his band of lubed up men.

More to come...

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The Venkatapathi Raju team of the year

I made it just in time with my team of the year, lucky too, because it meant a Bangladeshi could be squeezed in.

Here it is, in all its glory.

Sehwag â€" Made the second most runs of the year with a strike rate of 85, and some people still didn’t pick him in their team of the years, heretics.

Smith â€" Oh this one hurts, but 4th innings chase and draw runs are important to me.

Amla â€" Ponting made a late run, but Amla was smooth all year.

KP â€" 5 tons and one fifty, that is pure conversion.

Shiv â€" He picked this spot.

AB â€" if this time last year you said I would pick AB I would laugh in your face and stab you.

Vettori â€" Had perhaps the best year of his career.

Shakib Al Hasan â€" I wrote his full name in just incase you didn’t know who I was picking. Batting average of 29, bowling of 25 with 4 five wicket hauls.

Jayawardene â€" Best Gloveman in test cricket.

Johnson â€" I looked for all the reasons to leave him out, but in the end he got the nod because he was the second best fast bowler in the world.

Steyn â€" Might have underperformed in England, but over performed everywhere else.

Jeetan Patel (12th) No one does it better.

Unlucky bastards.

Harbhajan was probably the unluckiest, but his average wasn’t too crash hot, and he bowled 100 more overs than anyone else this year to get him to the top of the wicket takers list.

Gauthum City just missed out, if ony he had done more with all those starts early in the year.

Clarke averaged over 50, with 4 tons and 5 50’s, but number 5 was the first spot picked for shiv and AB deserved number 6.

Ponting made the 3rd most runs of the year and averaged over 50 whilst being out of form most of the time.

O’Brien took 38 wickets at 21, but through no fault of his own most of them were against minnows.

Sidebottom, also took a lot of wickets at a great average, but again against minnows.

Dhoni, Haddin & McCullum all missed out, all were very good with the bat, but all were sub par with the bat.

Arjantha Mendis only needed 2 more tests to get in.

Bryce McGain, what, are you saying he wasn't unlucky?


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The Neils, part two

Welcome back, didn't SRK and his men look incredibly gay and happy.

Let the show go on.

The Rael Award
Best new cult

IPL
Jesse Ryder
Arjantha Mendis
Dirty Dirk Nannes

The 2020 competition had a real dip, Dirty Dirk did so without playing international cricket, Jesse tried to do it out on the turps, but in the end the little army boy Mendis and his magical fingers got the true following. If he asks you for your DNA or money, think long and hard.

The Ben Kenobi Award
Wise old master who does increasingly less

Anil Kumble
Stephen Fleming
Rahul Dravid
Michael Vaughan

Anil has to get this one, perhaps the others did less than him, but with Dhoni in the wings, and Kumble pretty much bowling junk, no one made more of a "get out of the way old man” impact than Kumble.

The John Holmes Award
Most penetrating bowler

Dale Steyn
Murali
Mendis

Steyn gets this no question, and I think he would be most happy to get it.

The Helen Clark Award
Best performance by a New Zealander whist being ignored outside of New Zealand

Brendan McCullum
Daniel Vettori
Iain O’Brien
Ross Taylor

McCullum can’t win due to his IPL innings, Taylor can’t win because of his ton in England, and Vettori gets a lot of press really. IOB gets this, because outside of people who read blogs, no one knows about him.

The Lindsay Lohan Award
Most likely to break down.

Jacob Oram
Shane Watson
Freddy Flintoff

Jacob Oram will be pissed, he had this award, and he lost it to a 12th man. Once Watson broke his back, there was simply no other choice.

And now Mehrab sings a song for us.


After the break we will be back with more awards and performers...


cricketwithballs
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The neils, part three

Isn't that Mehrab a talented little boy.

I am glad you are all enjoying yourself, i would like to thank the courthouse hotel in Sydney Rd, Melbourne for giving us such a nice place for a reception.

The Nick Cave award
Ignored in your own country, curious oddity in your new country

Darren Pattinson
Grant Elliot
Brandon Nash

Tightly contested, Elliott made waves by getting rolled over by Sidebottom, and Nash did by being the firs white man to play for the west indies in like forever. But neither of them could match the curious ferocity of Eyelids Pattinson.

The Kirk Cameron Award
Once in the big league, now doing other stuff few people are watching

Chris Lewis
Brett Lee
Imran Khan

Lewis went from Surrey 2020 poster boy to drug mule, and Imran went from political leader to political prisoner, but only Brett Lee is being successful, those underpants are practically jumping off the shelf.

The Helen Mirren Award
Best performance from the blue rinse set

Shivnarine Chandrepaul
Sachin Tendulkar
Makaya Ntini

Ntini and Sachin both had some good moments, but Shiv shit all over them, and did it with sticky tape on his face.

The Alan Dale Award
Older player who goes from Z grade celebrity to a C list one who pops up everywhere

Grant Elliott
Bryce McGain
Iain O’Brien

Elliott is unlucky again, mostly because his name is even more boring than him, O’Brien can’t win it because he has simply moved on beyond C list, so it goes to Bryce McGain, who practically is the cricketing version of Alan Dale.

And now we have the very talented Mike Hussey doing some comedy dancing for us.

We are almost finished now. I promise.

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The Neil award

That Michael Hussey really cracks me up.

Ok we are in the final stretch now.

The Slug Jordan Award
Best performance by a non test playing Victorian

Shane Warne
Bryce McGain
Dirk Nannes

The winner goes to Dirty Dirk Nannes, because I just wanted to award him something.

The Sehwagology award

Virender Sehwag

The Neil

This is the special one people. This is for the player who has made the most impact on cricket whilst not playing.

The Nominees are:

Matthew Hayden, his bad form and India bating were everywhere in the media, he even cooked on the TV, but then he upped the ante by actually calling India 3rd World.

Harbhajan Singh, performed much better on Indian chat shows talking about how he beat Australia, than he did in Australia with the ball, called a man a monkey, slapped a team mate and generally was a major ass clown.

Mohammed Asif, did virtually nothing on the field, but was outstanding off the field, with more drugs than Pablo Escabar.

Shoaib Ahktar, for just being Shoaib Ahktar.

And the winner is…………


Bhaji.

No one has deserved the Neil more than Bhaji,

That is all from me, Vincent Price star of the House of Usher, but Jrod would like to say some crap.

Thank you to everyone who has read, linked, commented, spread the word, wrote about, or anything else for the balls this year.

Special thanks to:

©hinaman for the website maintenance.

Sportsfreak for the yoda like advice.

D Charlton for something.

Natalie Portman for inspiration.

Bryce for the Interview.

Dirty Dirk for, you know what big boy.

Sime and Big Daddy for precious little.

Miriam for the writing and literally everything else.

And to take us out tonight, we have asked Richie to give us a review of the night.

You heard him, piss off.

cricketwithballs

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Player Discussion : Haydos

Author: spin wizardSubject: HaydosPosted: 01 January 2009 at 12:11amMaybe we can recruit him to open for the West Indies.

Australian Elite Cricket - A crisis at the top?

In amongst all of the either gloating or lamentations, depending upon whether you live in Australia or not, there is a general consensus that Australia are struggling at the moment. They are not necessarily a bad team, but pretty clearly are also not the world no.1 anymore. Where does the problem lie? There have been numerous theories put forward, most either blaming the batting or the bowling inadequacies, but there seems to be a bigger issue regarding planning at the elite level.

As captain, Ponting doesn't seem to have an idea of what to do on the field. His biggest problem with maintaining a decent over-rate is that he dilly-dallys around at the start of each over simply because he doesn't seem to know what the field placings for each batsman should be. There don't appear to be any clear strategies or plans. Surely this should be discussed prior to going onto the field, but if so, why would Ponting spend two or three minutes changing the field in the second over of the day? What the coaching staff are up to is beyond me. Tim Neilson seems to have escaped any criticism so far, but perhaps his role needs a very careful re-assessment. If he is there to coach and coordinate team tactics, he is either failing badly, or Ponting doesn't agree with what he wants.

To make it worse, our selectors also seem to have no idea or plan for the future. The selection decision to pluck Andrew McDonald from the obscurity of the Victorian middle order is beyond comprehension. The selectors rated him so highly just a few months ago that he wasn't even in the 25 contracted players. Now he is to be the middle order saviour? He is nearly 28, and has not suddenly burst onto the scene with performances that scream out for selection. His top score this summer is 60, not the sort of statistic that will have the South Africans worried. Purely from a Victorian perspective, Brad Hodge, David Hussey and even Cameron White must now assume their international careers are over if McDonald is preferred to them.

The debacle over the spinning position is yet another example of the selectors not knowing what they are trying to achieve. With all due respect to Nathan Hauritz, it is blatantly obvious he is not a match winning spinner, and never will be. Krezja shows some potential (i.e. he actually flights the ball and can spin it), so they tell him to go back to state level and bowl defensively. The lesson from that is for Krezja to follow Hauritz's example and bowl darts at around 90kms that don't spin or take wickets, but also only go for 3 runs an over. That is the sort of message that kills careers.

Other problems in the past years include the dumping of Ashley Noffke from the Australian squad, in spite of him being the standout player of the first class competition last year. The selectors instead picked Peter Siddle, who had played half of one season. Noffke, Bollinger and Hilfenhaus have all performed well over a number of years, however, the selectors somehow pick Siddle on the back of a dozen first class games. In his three tests so far, Siddle has looked completely innocuous except for one spell.

Does Cricket Australia need to have a long hard look at the entire structure of elite cricket in the country, with the selectors, coach and captain all in the sights?

The question arises - what does Cricket Australia do now? Are we content to be a top 4 nation for the foreseeable future, or do we make some hard decisions now and aim to be the world no. 1 again sooner rather than later. Do we rebuild, which involves jettisoning more than one player now even though they still have a year of potentially good contribution left in them, or simply replace a few as they fall over.

If Australia wants to regain the no. 1 tag by 2010-2012, there will be some pain in the short term. I would be happy if the selectors say that we are rebuilding, and that we need to give some of the younger guys (i.e. Krezja, Siddle, Hilfenhaus, Bollinger, Hughes, or whoever) a decent run. However, this approach would also mean getting rid of some of the older players immediately (Hayden, Symonds and Lee for example) so that the newer players could be introduced and have time to mature into a great side. This would mean that we would undoubtedly struggle to be competitive with the likes of South Africa and India, but we are also almost at the end of the cycle of playing them. Perhaps now is the time to blood the next group of younger stars so that they are ready for the challenge of regaining the world no. 1 mantle in a few years time.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Australia hit the red panic button

Andrew McDonald comes in, and logic takes a holiday

If you want a Victorian perspective on what this means, go here.

For Ausralia it means the panic button has been pressed.

It’s not that Andrew McDonald isn’t a good cricketer, he is.

Just that his selection has a mad sense of panic all over it, the selectors no longer believe 4 bowlers are enough for Australia.

They probably don’t believe 5 is enough, but that is as far as they are going to stretch it.

Ashley Noffke must be confused, again, first he missed out to Siddle in India, Geeves in Darwin and now to McDonald in Sydney.

It’s probably payback for all the damage he has caused to people down south over the years.

I would have picked him, because he is a bowling all rounder, and he is going to be more useful than McDonald where Australia really need him.

But they haven’t, which means they don’t think the batting is any better.

McDonald is a handy batsman, not as good as Haddin though, in general he gets starts and then gives them away.

In 44 first class matches he has only 2 hundreds, which sounds shithouse, but throw in a playful 15 half centuries.

It shows he can bat, but he has trouble committing to the relationship.

His bowling is slightly better than Roy’s medium pace.

His first class bowling record is pretty good, an average of 30, and he does pick up wickets fairly easily, but he is just a medium pacer who swings it, and his record is improved by playing at the swing friendly MCG with a good bowling attack around him.

The big problem with his selection is it breaks the unofficial Australian rule. McDonald is not good enough to play as a batsmen or a bowler.

He is what I like to call a South African all rounder.

South Africa played heaps of them in the 90’s.

Guys who could bat a bit, bowl a bit, but had no place in test cricket.

McDonald probably has the talent to make it as a batsmen, but 44 matches for 2 hundreds is not a test batsmen, it’s not even close.

Noffke is a proper bowler, he could easily play as a bowler only, even without his batting, but he has been overlooked by someone with a lot of ability, but no real performances on the board.

Although i still say that there is a chance that the wrong player could have been selected.

cricketwithballs

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Congrats TCWJ

It's always nice when a blogger gets appreciation from a big faceless corporation.

It is.

Truly.

And it's even better when it goes to one of the truly nice guys in cricket blogging, Soulberry over at The Cricket Watchers Journal.

He was around when i first began, and now it is great to seem him penetrating CNN.com.

Well done.

cricketwithballs

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Richie, updated and remixed

Richie in full glorious anger, with subtitles for the kiddies.


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Mo talks

"Victoria's Dirk Nannes is an animal, he's ugly, you wouldn't want to face him."Greg Matthews

I was always of the impression that Greg Matthews was a wanker.

But clearly i missed his true essence.

I now feel sorry for all the times i called him a wanker at the G, and all the times he called me one.

Thanks to Ceci for this.

cricketwithballs
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Australia: The Way Forward

There can be no doubt now that Australia's period of world dominance is over. Having lost their first series on home turf in nearly two decades, to one of their traditional rivals (and some might say whipping boys) South Africa, following its loss to India abroad, Australia's seemingly endless period of victory after victory, with barely a loss to be seen, has ended. Finding itself down 2-0, with one more test Australia needs to not lose in order to save its number 1 world ranking, the result brings to the forefront a boring and tired side, and changes that selectors must make in order to give Australia any chance of coming back.

The only thing stopping one from saying that Australia is not the best cricketing country in the world anymore is the selectors' obvious mistakes. They persisted with an out of form Matthew Hayden and Andrew Symonds, and even picked the latter through injury which ruled the all rounder out of bowling his medium pacers, and hampered him in the field. Their unresponsiveness to the problem of Australia's pace attack is also worrying. From their pathetic performance in failing to bowl South Africa out for less than 400 in the second innings, the selectors' only change was to replace one mediocre off spinner with another (Jason Krejza out for Nathan Hauritz).

Meanwhile in domestic cricket, the top 3 runs scorers for the Sheffield Shield are all currently or have been opening the batting, with Michael Klinger on 900+ runs already after half a season, the ever consistent Chris Rogers still scoring runs for what must be the 5th season in a row, and 19 year old excitement machine Phil Hughes doing magnificently in a poor NSW side. All 3 are capable of replacing Hayden, so one wonders why the selectors have not only left him in the side for the 3rd test, but even went as far as to say that they didn't expect him to retire, rather they felt he could play a role in the future. Furthermore, the selectors' continual recycling of Andrew Symonds can only be interpreted as either incompetence or a need to please sponsors putting Symonds' mug on their products in regular ads during the cricket. Symonds' selection after a handful of games in domestic cricket for Queensland, of which he failed to score a single 50 and had an average only a bowler would be proud of, was wrong enough in itself, but his continual waste of chances and the selectors' failure to respond is just as bad. Even injured ahead of the Boxing Day test, the selectors left out an in form Shane Watson for Symonds.

On the bright side, selectors have brought in a new face to the team, with Symonds finally unable to take his spot, in comes Victorian Andrew McDonald, a genuine all rounder who averages 46 with the bat and 24 with the ball this season. McDonald, at 27, has been named in extended World Cup and Champions Trophy squads, but his selection is almost as surprising and sudden as it is deserved. A key part of Victoria's undefeated season this year, it is pleasing to see selectors finally select an inform 'youngster' rather than recycling older players.

Another key inclusion to the squad is Doug Bollinger, who was unlucky to play no cricket on Australia's tour of India despite being in the squad throughout, who will battle with Ben Hilfenhaus for the spot vacated by Brett Lee's injury. One hopes that the selectors will persist with one of the two swing specialists ahead of Lee, whose recent form has been poor, pace down and penetration almost nonexistent. Meanwhile there are other options too, such as the inform Dirk Nannes, whose breakthrough county season for Middlesex has been followed up with him the leading wicket taker for the Shield, despite missing one match through injury, and being taken out of the attack by umpires for an entire innings after bowling three consecutive full tosses (two of which were beamers). Nannes is almost a slower Jeff Thomson or even Shaun Tait, reckless and unafraid to hurt batsmen, but also picking up wickets. Nannes even knocked out batsman David Bandy with a lethal bouncer just last week.

Australia's key to success from here on lies with its selections. Australian selectors can no longer afford the luxury of giving veterans 'just one more chance' to perform. If Australia does not respond accordingly, it will find itself blown out of the water, and perhaps even lose the Ashes in 2009. A new year dawns, and with it a new era of cricket. Can Australia survive atop the world rankings? Only time, and selectors, will tell.

The new stars of 2008

[b]The cricketing year ended with Australia in disarray, South Africa and India on the up and everyone else failing to move significantly, especially Pakistan, who didn’t play a single Test match.

New Year is the perfect opportunity for sporting lists, and here are my selections of players who have made notable breakthroughs in 2008:
[/b]
[b]Hashim Amla (South Africa)[/b]

Dale Steyn has been the star with the ball and Graeme Smith the biggest influence through his runs and captaincy, but the biggest strides have been by Amla, who finished the year as fourth-highest Test runscorer.

He hinted at what was to come at the end of 2007 but this year found true consistency, scoring notable hundreds in India and England. An elegant player, he, along with AB de Villiers, adds the panache that compliments the resoluteness of Smith, Neil McKenzie, Jacques Kallis and Ashwell Prince â€" the most productive batting line-up in the world.

[b]Mitchell Johnson (Australia)
[/b]
A rare individual highlight in what turned out to be a disappointing year for Australia. Johnson made an immediate impact for the Baggy Greens, taking 11 wickets in his first three Tests at the end of 2007 and has not looked back since. Only Steyn took more Test wickets this year.

Injuries to Brett Lee and Stuart Clark have left him as leader of the attack and he will be one of the first names on the team sheet as Australia contemplate their rebuilding job.

[b]Gautam Gambhir (India)
[/b]
Gambhir endured a stop-start career between 2004 and 2007 but has been a revelation since returning to the top of the order against Sri Lanka in July. He scored 1,134 Test runs in 16 Test innings in 2008, finishing off with three tons and three fifties in his last eight knocks.

His opening partnership with Virender Sehwag is the most exciting in any form of cricket and the reliable platforms the pair set will be a key component of India’s assault on the number one ranking.

[b]Ajantha Mendis (Sri Lanka)
[/b]
The most exciting spinner since Shane Warne and Muttiah Muralitharan broke onto the scene in the mid-1990s. His array of offspinners, googlies and flippers delivered at medium pace are nearly impossible to read, as 26 wickets in three Tests and 48 in 18 ODIs testifies.

Choosing breakthrough players for Pakistan and England is difficult due to their respective inactivity and closed shop selection policy, so honourable mentions go to [b]Sohail Tanvir[/b] and [b]Stuart Broad[/b] for maintaining the promise they showed in 2007.

West Indies have relied so heavily on Wisden Cricketer of the Year Shivnarine Chanderpaul that other contributions have been minimal, but [b]Brendan[/b] [b]Nash[/b]’s successful debut bodes well for the continuation of Windies’ recovery next year.

[b]Jesse Ryder[/b] made an impression in the wrong way after making a fine start to his international career in February. His subsequent rehabilitation has been uplifting for those who enjoy watching a chubby sportsman compete at the highest level, although his appearance and occasional destructive strokeplay belies a vastly talented and elegant batsman.

Bangladesh have endured another terrible year and look set to finish with eight Test defeats and one draw. Their solitary ray of hope has been left arm spinner [b]Shakib Al Hasan[/b], who produced enough runs and wickets against New Zealand, South Africa and Sri Lanka to suggest the Tigers have a genuine all-round talent in their midst.

Written by Philip Oliver, a sports writer who blogs about cricket betting.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Them is number 1

South Africa have outplayed Australia in every facet of the game.

They deserve to be 2 nil up.

In the past they have come with false bravado and inflated self perceptions.

This time they came with the better team, and in both tests they fought from behind.

Right now they are the best team in world cricket.

That is not a great title at the moment, but there is no team better than South Africa right now, and no one can take that away from them.

They have a very even side.

Their bowling line up is much hyped, and that is not their fault, but it does produce the results, even if it is without the carnage the media talks about.

Their batting is solid, and consistent, they probably miss a player who can take a test away in a session, but they have 6 or 7 players who are hard to get out.

Their leadership has heart in Boucher, and lead by example in Smith, sure their tactics are still a little defensive and staid, but they have an attack that can take 20 wickets, so they don’t need as great a tactical leader as other nations might.

If South Africa decide to play Imran Tahir, when he is eligible, they could be even stronger.

Right at the moment they are good enough to beat anyone in world cricket.

India has a side that could bother them, and Sri Lanka are the wild card.

My congratulations go out to them.

I still think they are bastards, and now I can say that, because you are allowed to bag the number one side in the world, them is the rules.


cricketwithballs

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The Curse of the Jelly Bean

It can strike you down at any time.

You can talk about your core fitness.

You can talk about yogalates.

You can talk about your great new fitness regime.

You can talk about the egg and salada diet.

But the jelly beans don’t care.

As described before:

"A jelly bean player is built like tarzan, and plays like Shane (Watson)."

Once the JB's get a hold of you, there is nothing your pathetically well built body can do.

There is no religion, not even Sehwagology, that can help.

No pills that can fix it.

It just devours you.

And with that, Shane Watson is out of cricket for 6 months.

No Sydney test.

No South Africa.

No Ashes.

And most importantly, obviously, no IPL.

His back is gone.

He is gone.

Some guys just aren’t built for cricket.


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The highest paid cricket writer in the world gets snubbed

Michael Vaughan that is.

Not Peter Roebuck.

Although no one cares about Roebuck in general.

Vaughan has been left out of the team to the Caribbean.

That is unfair, after all the runs he made to get back into the team.

And to rub salt into his cheque book, the young leggie from Yorkshire Adil Rashid has been picked.

Ofcourse Vaughan might still play in the next ashes, which is a hope all Australian fans are holding onto.

If Vaughan doesn’t play in the ashes, I think my friend over at the village cricketer will be willing to slip him into his team.

He will have to part with some of that hard earned contract money.

It wasn’t as if there was no place to fit him in either, England are taking 2 keepers, 3 spinners and 1 Bell over.

There are at least 3 spots free then.

Vaughan may be paying the price for the fact he batted like a busted asshole at the end of his captaincy reign.

Although that doesn’t explain Ian Bell’s selection.

Nothing does though.

Its not too late for England to pick Vaughan as non playing member as the squad.

Also known as a free holiday.

cricketwithballs

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BryceMan

Stereotypes are hard to over come.

People see a man in his 30’s, who is an IT dude, with a son and a dodgy shoulder and they think, nerd.

Unfairly.

The truth is way different.

Cricket With Balls Own Nice Bryce McGain is actually a crime fighter by night.

It’s hush hush ofcourse, so don't tell anyone.

His crime fighting name is The Prahran Panther, but don’t rate him on that, he is an IT worker not a marketing exectuive.

While others are sleeping, he cleans the mean streets of Prahran of fuel injected nonsense, unkempt drag queens and rogue parking inspectors.

That, and not his oft-mentioned shoulder injury, is the reason for his recent hiatus.

However now the streets of Prahran are clean.

Which is no mean feat.

He has simply done his job, and now is ready to come back to us.

Not before time ofcourse.

Krazy Krejza is not defensive enough.

Happy Hauritz is now way too defensive.

And Beautiful Beau Casson is 3 bad months away from looking for a real job.

What Australia needs is a superhero, and since Bryce is finished on Chapel St, who better than a nerdy super spinner with wrists of gold and spectacles of hope.

It makes sense.

Bryce to Sydney.

Right now.

cricketwithballs

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Sunday, December 28, 2008

King Probot dances for you

It was about time i used my film making skills for something.

Just how Jean Luc Godard would have made it.

cricketwithballs

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lunch day 4 report

South Africa have Australia handcuffed to a bed George Costanza style.

Hayden looked over anxious, and may be retiring as i type.

Katich looked over confident and tried to reach a ball way too wide for the standard krab.

And Hussey head butted a ball to square leg, it was out, but shit happens.

Morne Morkel bowled his best spell in Australia.

Steyn was looking good again.

Harris was something.

And Ntini is still like a battery bunny.

Ponting is looking pretty good, but he would want to.

Clarke is still in first innings mode, and if South Africa cn get a wicket before tea, they should win this match, if not, Clarke and Ponting may be able to carve something.

I am not sure what, but something.

Not a bad session actually.

Unless your surname starts with a H.

cricketwithballs

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JP Duminy

Remember the spelling.

Write it down if you have to.

This was a coming out innings.

This is how you greet Test Cricket.

It was like a Disney film about how to make your debut test century.

His team needed it, check.

Batting with the tail when the big guns had failed, check.

Against the current number one side, check.

At the biggest cricket ground in world cricket, check.

All he needed was a girl to run out on the field as he went out, give him a kiss as the music swelled and the camera panned around him.

The innings was created from a place of batting perfection.

His footwork was genius.

He was fred astaire with a bat, and sometimes even ginger rogers.

His sense of moment was way beyond his years.

The occasion didn't get to him, he got to it, and did the right thing at the right time.

His technique was sexy as hell.

The technique was so hot you would sell your first child to hitler if it meant your second child would have skill to bat like this.

And he came out like few before him.

It was Ali v Liston.

It was Zatopek in London.

It was Genghis Khan in Europe.

It was Lara in Sydney.

It was Tendulkar, also in Sydney.

Bill compared him to Neil Harvey.

Nicholas compared him to Lara.

Compare him to who ever you want, the boy can bat.

That was an innings that doesn’t just guarantee you a career, it changes the world of cricket a little bit.

Sometimes things are on your side, Steyn should have been cleaned up multiple times, and Australia were one bowler down on an increasingly flat looking wicket.

But Tendulkar and Lara didn’t make their scores on tough wickets to bat on.

It was how they made them that mattered.

JP made his look easy, calm and sexy, and it wasn’t as if he was batting with Ravi Shastri, he had to make the runs and control the tail ender at the other end.

He just made the most out of every last ball.

Time will be his big test, but JP will always have this, and so will everyone who saw it.

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Hayden's special commentary

Sometimes bad form is shown not by your batting, but by outside forces.

“He’s off the mark, Matthew Hayden, it’s a nice one on the pads, a little bit of an inside edge, but there you go, the scorers got that one next to your name, its nice to get off the naught”

Michael Slater.


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Look at the form of Hussey

No not that one.

On the same day Mike Hussey auditioned for a vaudeville routine.

Another Hussey, Future PM, destroyed another domestic attack.

Read here.

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Saturday, December 27, 2008

lunch report day 3

Australia came out with an ordinary attitude, South Africa capitalised on it.

And then they crapped down the collective throats of the Australian XI.

The new ball seemed so close to the aussies, and they played for it.

Siddle looked slower and shorter.

Johnson was uninspired.

Hauritz was too short.

And Lee never made it out on to the ground.

Hussey was a demon though, he beat Harris with guile and flight, from his slow paced delivery.

Duminy was very good, his main skill is scoring singles.

Ponting gave him a few anyway, but he just scored routinely.

Harris & Steyn were good, like Lee & Siddle from the previous day, they attacked and had luck, but mostly they just didn’t look like going out.

Australia would kill their grandmother for an attacking spinner now.

Hauritz is a role player, and yesterday with Siddle and Johnson doing good stuff he was handy, today he was a someone who could distribute the ball to the other end.

Like Clarke or Hussey.

This could be a math winning session for South Africa, although, if Australia are 2/200 at stumps it wont mean much.

I wrote this 20 minutes before lunch, and it has remianed unedited, i just couldnt see Australia get a wicket.

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A sizzling story

Test cricket is a mother fucker.

It is supposed to be that way.

So when a young guy comes through and performs good enough to change the momentum of a test, it’s a magical fucking moment.

Yesterday Peter Siddle went from hopeful to test player.

Firstly he showed balls with the bat, and not for the first time.

This was a solid as a rock innings for a number 11 against 3 blokes who can bowl 150 plus.

This series was supposed to be about pace, Steyn had 5 wickets already, and the G was making the waca look like a subbie wicket.

Siddle stood behind the ball, took one on the back, and batted for 49 balls while pissing off the South Africans.

But as Tony Greig pointed out, way too many times, as good as this was, it meant nothing without wickets.

Ponting obviously knew the same, and he made one of the best decisions of his career, he threw the new nut to Siddle.

Who knows what was going through the kids head at this stage, but he was on the biggest stage left in test cricket.

His home ground.

New ball in hand, he fucken steamed in and swung one at pace first ball.

Second ball he almost put a hole in McKenzie’s chest.

It was fast and brutal.

3rd ball was unplayable.

4th ball was left alone.

By this stage Siddle was fire itself.

He had a maniacal laugh.

Pace of a demon god.

And the ball was singing for him.

McKenzie was no match.

It’s hard to know whether he played or left the one that got him, it had pace, movement and a sexuality all of its own.

Then when Smith is set he takes him down, this time with no new ball help.

And follows it up with one that smashes through AB's road block.

3 wickets does not make a test player.

But the boy sure looked like one.


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Lee's slow death through over exertion to beat depression

No one tries harder than Brett Lee.

The man is a fast bowling workhorse.

Where guys like Tait & Ahktar die after 4 over spells at maximum pace, Lee can perform into his 12th over straight sometimes.

Trying to hard is a curse as well.

And when Brett Lee is slightly out of form, or sometimes out of wickets, he tries harder than a dude trying to close a girl at closing time.

See 2005 Ashes for previous proof.

Right at the moment he is trying to close a group of cheerleaders before the end of the world.

No one has ever tried at these levels.

And consequently he is bowling rubbish.

Utter Rubbish.

Rubbish, so rubbish that the word rubbish is not even an apt rubbish type description.

Watching Lee bowl is like listening to Blur’s 13 album.

The pain of losing his girl comes out in every groan, grimace and half volley.

He is not bowling, he is emoting all his emptiness using cricket as his forum.

To quote from the great poet Marshall Mathers the third, he is using cricket to “kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him”.

With Siddle bowling like Johnny Cash would, Mitchell Johnson taking over the world, and Ricky rooting for Hilfenhaus, Lee might want to build a bridge man.

Brett, she’s just not that into you.

cricketwithballs

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The balls leads the way

Foxsports has finally caught up to the balls.


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Friday, December 26, 2008

second day, lunch report

This was a cracking session of cricket.

But a bit weird.

Australia lose 4 wickets, and completely smash South Africa whilst doing so.

Weird.

Clarke and Lee started like speed freaks.

40 runs in 25 minutes.

And South Africa lost the plot a little.

They were getting wickets, but Smith was moving the field around like a mad man, they were bowling too many four balls, and they gave up trying to get Clarke.

Luckily for them they got Lee & Johnson together.

Unluckily for them Hauritz & Siddle both stuck around long enough to give Clarke just a whiff of a hundred.

Eventually they were both snuffed out, and Clarke was left short.

By this time Australia had made 4/114 in a session.

And 396 in the first innings at Melbourne is always pretty damn good.

The wicket is still moving around a tad, and you feel you should be able to chip away and get wickets, and if you are lucky or a bowler gets on song there could be a huge collapse.

Steyn was the pick of the bowlers, he looked like getting a wicket at any stage, the others were a bit more benign.

Clarke was smoking today, he had talked to Warney and read my blog as was fired up.

Straight away he looked a different man, and this was probably his most grown up innings ever.

Siddle & Lee both looked solid, and hit some great shots.

Johnson was bowled after Steyn bowled a ball so shithouse, Harmison would have been embarrassed.

Hauritz was given out from a low slips catch that was definitely caught, but unusually the third umpire gave it out.

Weird.

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Pup, pure batting novacaine

In the new world.

Down shall be up.

White shall black.

Handjobs shall be bad.

And aussie batsmen will bat for hundreds of balls, without making a fifty.

I don’t mind Australia losing, but if they are to go down more often, at least do it the Australian way.

Not like this.

157 balls with one boundary, and more poking and prodding than a proctology clinic.

But it’s the lack of singles that is really Un-Australian.

Australia’s batting is supposed to be built on two rules.

Put away the bad balls.

Take as many singles as possible.

It’s not a secret formula or anything.

The New New Michael Clarke is an interesting player.

He still flashes at wide ones with no footwork.

He still hits the ball in the air at catchable heights.

But now he does the hard work, has a resolve of sorts, and occasionally digs so deep into the crease that he can’t score any runs.

It’s a weird mutation because it’s not as if he has got rid of all his bad traits and replaced them with good ones.

He has just kept the bad ones, added some steel and somehow forgot who he was during the renovation.

cricketwithballs

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previously at the G

Australia

Twas a patchy day for the aussies.

Punter was sex on grass.

Clarke was a bit everywhere, but they ended with 280 in a day at the G, which is actually pretty handy.

South Africa

Had to grind out their wickets a little bit, but the last wicket of the day was the important one.

The aussie tail may hang around, but Haddin could have put Australia over 400 quickly.

Will be happy with the day, but need to know that big first innings scores in Melbourne are rare.

Who is in front

280 for 6 should have Australia in front, as long as Australia get the ball to move around like the saffers did.

However South African batsmen should be confident, so it’s probably still pretty level.

Play of the day

109 people thrown out of the old girl.

Melbourne knows how to throw a party.

Testicular moment of the day

Ricky’s hundred was a big fuck you to the world.

It was the sort of hundred that should be scored at the G.

Strong and attacking, with a touch of luck.

Working class moment

Michael Clarke has to get this, 150 odd balls with one boundary.

That is the batting equivalent of working in a factory pressing a button your whole life.

Lets hope he gets his hand chopped off and gets a big pay day, other wise it’s hardly worth it.


cricketwithballs

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Thursday, December 25, 2008

Unfit Aussies, CWB needs you

As you may have already seen, cricket with balls has been challenged to a duel.

We will be taking on the Village Cricketers English Superstars XI in a charity match in June next year.

The charity is the Everyman charity, aimed at stopping men losing their balls, true story.

The details of the match are here:

Monday 29th June 2009, 3pm start
Barnes Cricket Club, Lonsdale Road, London SW13 9QL

And I need 10 unfit men, and a fit woman or two, to go into battle with me.

I will be captain, naturally, so there are certain criteria you need to fit.

You need to be Australian, be handy with the sledge, can actually play cricket good, have excellent grammar and spelling, fight crime by night, prepared to accept Sehwag into your life, have money to donate to the charity, and are over for the cricket, or have not lived in England for more than one year.

Ofcourse all of these except the Australian part and the donating part can be waived in special circumstances.

So if you think you are the man, woman or thing up to representing the balls in the Cricket With Balls Aussie code of conduct XI, send an email to cwb@cricketwithballs.com and we’ll take it from there.

If you are English, and you want to play for the village dudes XI, go over there and comment.

If your ethnicity or location is a handicap in this game, but you still want to support the charity, and i would really like you to, please go here to donate.

Cricket With Balls asks for so little, but gives so much, please help us save other peoples balls.

It's all for a good cause, because the cause is balls.


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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Jesus, had days like this (Cain, Robocop 2)

Am taking a break balls fans.

Not a long one ofcourse.

Will be back for the most important day of the year.

Yes boxing day is the most important day of the year.

So if you are Christian enjoy your Christmas.

If you are any other religion enjoy each and every other day of your life.

If you are Raelian, be stong my friends, I hear anyday now the Mother Ship shall descend on Jerusalem and set us free.

If you are a Scientologist, sucks to be you.

If you are a Mormon, try and convince the wives to give you a very together Christmas.

If you are a Sehwagologist, remember, on the 5th day we rest, the rest of the time we swipe.

cricketwithballs

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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Jesus knew when to make an exit, think about it matty

If you go too soon, no one will think you were dead.

If you go to late, no one will care that you have gone.

It's all about the timing.

Jesus knew this.

And Matty Hayden likes to ask himself what would Jesus do, sometimes that is call India 3rd world, and other times its sledge Graeme Smith.

Well Jesus would retire now, and not just because he has bad hands, but because if you stick around too long and do little, you tarnish all your afterlife.

There was a book about it once, if Hayden has time to read something that doesn't have recipes for moo shoo pork in it.

cricketwithballs

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How to win a one day style chase in a test match, by Daniel Vettori

I was excited last night, and there was no Natalie Portman film on TV, it was a natural high from Chris Gayle’s Vista and a very well set up last day chase for the kiwis.

Fuck, I even recorded it.

A New Zealand West Indies match recorded, that is huge.

And I wake up to shit.

Absolute shit.

McIntosh, How and Flynn.

Now I am on the record as a Flynn fan, I think How has a defensive shot that could turn on a born again christian and I have nothing against Mark Richardson mark III, but why would those be the first three men you send out in this sort of a chase.

McCullum, Taylor, Ryder.

That is where the money is printed.

McCullum and Ryder made England look like a charity job opening up together.

Taylor is the marquee player.

These are the run a ball men, the ones you want in early when your side has a chase like this.

How, McIntosh and Flynn are the three you want coming in if the IPL millionaires and the chubby drinker give it away.

Not the other way around.

Dan, you had the chance to win the series in two sessions, and you sent out 3 men that couldn’t deliver that for you.

What sort of fucked up thinking is that?

And don’t give me that How & Flynn scored quicker than Ryder.

It took 17 overs to get to 2/62, does anyone in the world believe McCullum & Ryder would have let that happen?

That is almost a third of the chase, and it was squandered.

Someone get Vettori contact lenses, because his glasses are giving the rest of us false expectations.

Enjoy 8th spot.

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Dhoni's over

I missed it.

Give me the goss.

What did he bowl?

Were the any scares?

Was his waddle hynotic?

Tell me....


cricketwithballs

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Ricky, Tim, Behind you

You poor bastards.

It’s right behind you, it’s smiling, it’s wearing a suit, and it tears up contracts like you or I rub one out.

They call it a cricket official.

We call them Administracrats.

Billy Walsh calls them suits.

They are the fuckers who get off on power while making people with talent lick every last drop of sweat off their small tightly bunched testicles.

And Ricky Ponting and Tim Neilsen just got the worst news you can get in professional sport, an official defending them to the media.

It’s sport speak for, you guys better win or you are out on your asses.

The great machine has already started their next wave.

There is a private investigator going through Simon Katich’s trash as we speak.

James Sutherland has already promised to make the Australian cricket team Christian for Tom Moody.

Lawyers are already amending Clarke’s contract from FAC, to FACE.

Publicists are prepping old cricketers with pre prepared statements of how they always thought Katich would be better.

An editor is preparing footage of Ricky winning the toss and bowling, bringing on White & Hussey, and his stroppy jumps of disappointment in Perth as we speak.

That is how this works.

Ofcourse I could be reading too much into Mr Sutherland’s nice comments, and Tim’s sudden contract extension, and everything is fine.

Dandy even, no wins in 6 matches, and Tim gets more money, and Ricky gets CA’s number one douche bag in his corner.

It all makes perfect sense.

cricketwithballs

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What Did We Learn From That Then?

[b]I’ll leave others to do their marks out of ten, but there are other issues that the Test part of the tour have thrown up.[/b]

[b]1. Two tests is too short for a tour.[/b] Both teams were settling into what could have been a highly competitive series. The first test had one of the finest run chases in history (although not the finest of the last month, bizarrely). The second had a tightly fought draw, which could have been much more interesting had India wanted to make it so.

[b]2. England’s persistence with players is paying off.[/b] Strauss and Collingwood both paid back the faith that the selectors had in them during the first test. Both have been teetering on the edge of losing their places, but with three very gritty innings, they got England into a winning position in the First Test. Ian Bell should take comfort from this, although it is only 5 tests since his 199 against the team that is now widely believed to be the best in the world.

[b]3. Alistair Cook needs a long chat with his mentor Graham Gooch. [/b]His fifty and out habit is becoming both embarrassing and a problem for the team. I suspect it may be linked to the want to turn him into a One-Day player, or that Andrew Strauss is not the quickest of scorers at the other end. He needs to learn to be patient and build the big innings that England need of him.

[b]4. Kevin Pietersen needs to think more as the captain.[/b] His spat with Yuvraj, entertaining as it may have been, nearly cost him his wicket at the start of an excellent hundred. Targeting a player is a well worn tactic, but given Yuvraj’s performances, it is likely that it only spurred him on.

[b]5. England’s bowlers need to learn from history.[/b] Or at least have talked to those who have done well on the sub-continent. All out pace isn’t the answer and Flintoff apart, they didn’t pose a threat in those conditions.

[b]6. Matt Prior will be England’s wicket-keeper for the Ashes series. [/b]Tidy enough behind the stumps despite the testing conditions and a good 50 in the first test. He looked at least a match for Dhoni in the two matches if not better

[b]7. Monty Panesar may not be England’s spinner for the Ashes series. [/b]He was comprehensively out-bowled by Graeme Swann, who must be considered the number one option when England revert to one spinner. The emergence as Swann as an attacking force should also dampen the cries for Adil Rashid to be rushed into the test team.

[b]8 England need to remember how to win matches.[/b] In the last two series against SA and India, they have played the best two teams in the world at the moment and have not managed to capitalise on their periods of dominance. At Lords and Edgbaston, England were in winning positions but couldn’t see it through. Likewise in Chennai. They need to discover a ruthless streak and a Plan B.

Overall, and reverting to Vaughan-speak, England can take a lot of positives out of the test series, while being disappointed in the result. After the pounding in the One-Day series and the uncertainty about the security implications, they probably should have won the decisive first test. India are an excellent side, probably second in the world on current form. England have a lot to work on before the Ashes series, but the nucleus is in place.

Player Discussion : James Foster and Andre Fletcher

Author: young shivSubject: James Foster and Andre FletcherPosted: 23 December 2008 at 11:24pmBeing West Indian/English i think that both my home teams have the wrong choice of glove men these are the golove men for bothWest Indies- Andre Fletcher(Grenada)England-James Foster (Essex) What do you guys think

Monday, December 22, 2008

Call someone a name, that'll wake up the fans

Is Yuvraj a pie chucker, well no, he is more of a doorknob distributor.

That is splitting hairs, but an interesting distinction.

Ms Dhoni did a clever thing by bringing on the doorknob distributor.

He had a spell over KP, and it was a clever tactic.

Thing is, KP is one of those.

Those who need extra stimuli to play better.

The piechucker comments are part of that for him, he wants Yuvraj to come back at him.

KP does his best work when he feels like the world hates him.

He is a sick man.

And not just because he is South African.

Ofcourse all this means fuck all in this drawn test match.

We should be thankful for the piechuckergate though, because if this test match was abandoned a couple of days ago, it might have taken most of us a couple of days to notice it had happened.

Today they will go through the motions again.

And the “series” will finish without a bang, or a woo hoo, or a yee ha.

And congratulations to Gotham City, playing a whole test on qualudes is something special.

cricketwithballs

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one test "series"

He absurdity of the two test “series” is upon us again.

There are two tests going on at the moment.

One with two teams who are very evenly matched.

The other with England in it.

The first match could come down to the wire.

The West Indies still have to make another hundred runs, but either way New Zealand have a decent chase on their hands.

With the first test drowned out, this is the “series” and it seems a little stupid.

The whole game could revolve around Shiv going out to a full toss.

Had he not, perhaps him and Gayle would still be in, and New Zealand would be looking at a much bigger chase.

Sure you could say, it’s just cricket, but if there was a third test, then the West Indies would have the chance to fight back.

How can you fight back in what is now a one test series.

Your best batsman the Chrab wall gets some bad luck ata crucial time and you fall short by his average score, and that is that.

No Encore.

No sequel.

No chance for revenge.

No chance for them to snatch a series draw out of nothing from one nil down like blood soaked warriors and then to exclaim to their fans, are you proud now, as the blood dripped down their pulsating torsos.

And look at the England India series.

England were on top for a KP estimated 70% of the first test, then some magic from the Indian batsmen gets them home.

The next test England bowl India out for 440, make 300, and have them 4/130 odd in reply.

India might as well shut up shop, there is no reason for them to push for a result, and unless England gets a miracle they aren’t going to bowl India out in the first session and press for a win.

If the test series was still live though, Dhoni might be tempted to use India’s advantage to push for a result.

But why would he now, they are in the box seat, and without a collapse they win this “series”.

Now forget about cricket for a minute, and think about it this way, imagine you leave your computer long enough to pick up, and your first session is a bit drunken, clothes are strewn everywhere, but orgasms are few and far between due to the conditions.

The next session you go over, but running for the train that day you have strained your groin, you don’t want to mention it, no one likes an excuse, but you know it’s not your best performance, and the results prove that.

Now how do you feel when you find out that’s it, no chance of redemption sex, which as we all know is revenge sex & pity sex’s little cousin.

You now see why 3 test series are the absolute minimum.

I don’t expect the ICC to do anything about this, because I don’t expect the ICC to do anything, and I doubt any of them have ever picked up.

cricketwithballs

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The New Chris Gayle

I love watching Chris Gayle bat.

Once I described him as batting like a drunken lumberjack.

Sure it was wanky, but it was the best i could come up with on a late night.

Yesterday he stopped drinking, and only cut down trees that had that had been looked over by tree surgeon and found to be in need of removal.

It was odd.

But I liked it, sometimes watching a slogger play a proper test innings is gratifying in a perverse sort of way.

Like watching Traci Lords in a proper film.

And it’s not like he didn’t play any big shots.

Every now and then he put one on a roof, or in someone’s back yard.

He just had a steely resolve go with it, it was if he wanted to make a big score, but didn’t mind if it took him all day.

An odd theory for him to work with.

The last time I saw him really look hard as nails in a test match was when he slapped the Saffers around with one hand.

Now Gayle has changed.

He has matured, it’s a new and improved batsmen, one with patience, strength and will power.

With Cric Info calling Graeme Smith, Graeme Smith 2.0 (Clever), I thought maybe Gayle could have an appropriate IT nerdy name as well.

I spent a few hours and came up with these.

Gayle beta

Chris Vista

CG Tiger OS


cricketwithballs

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Sunday, December 21, 2008

Jimmy does his job

It’s been rough to keep an eye on all three test matches.

With Tim McIntosh playing a dashing innings, and South Africa strolling home, all my time has been taken.

But I still had a few moments to see England fall apart.

Their weapon of choice was the nightwatchman.

James Anderson’s one job was to get Freddy through to stumps.

Instead he took a single.

Now there are many problems here.

Using a nightwatchman is a terrible practice that was invented by soft cock batsmen.

It has no place in cricket, and any batsman who can’t go out to face 8 balls probably shouldn’t be playing test cricket.

But when you do it, surely the job is for the tailender to take the last over, not take a single to put your last batsman, one who is set, to face the last few balls.

Even if the nightwatchman goes out the loss is negligible.

Because it’s Jimmy Anderson.

And other than not making ducks, he has little other use as a batsman.

There is a reason I brought up that factoid about Anderson’s duckless batting career, and not just to sound like a train spotting cricket tragic dickwad.

It’s because Anderson was on zippo when he took that single.

He had not a cracker to his name.

It’s a harsh call to say he took the single, thusly abandoning his job, just to keep his steak alive, but I have been called worse than harsh before.

Either way England have worked themselves into a unwinnable position, and the chance of losing 2 nil in a 2 test series.

At least Australia took 4 tests to do that.

cricketwithballs

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Start at the top

There is no secret formula that South Africa used to win this match.

Just look at the score card.

South African players who made a contribution in this test.

Smith, Amla, Kallis, AB, Duminy, Boucher, Morkel, Harris, Steyn & Ntini.

Australia players who made a contribution in this test.

Katich, Clarke, Symonds, Haddin & Johnson.

10 to 5.

If it wasn’t for Johnson Australia would have never been in the match.

Even with his 11 wickets they still only got within 6 wickets of Victory.

If Australia gets a contribution out of 8 men they win this match.

This isn’t about lack of talent either.

Ponting, Hayden, Hussey and Lee were part of Australia’s useless majority.

Ponting seems to have lost faith in his batting, his captaincy gets more exposed everytime Australia play and he is getting quicker to strop daily.

Hayden looks lost, and he is holding back two potential ten year players, a player with a solid test record and a guy averaging 82 in shield cricket this year.

Hussey has averaged 33 in his last 12 tests, THIRTY THREE, where are the editorials, why aren’t people calling for his head like they were with Dravid and Hayden.

And Lee, poor Lee, I have never had a wife leave me, so I don’t know what he is going through. But I know poor form, and he has it.

Yet these players don’t seem in any immediate danger.

That is what they need, danger.

Only one of them needs to get dropped.

Just to put the fear of the Aliens into them.

Hayden is the one.

He needs to fuck off now.

He is a relic of a past dynasty.

Australia can afford to carry no man.

I have always loved watching him bat, so this isn't about him.

It's about the team, and he is a heavy fucken albatross.

Hughes is the future, and he is the present.

No better time to get him in than after a hundred.

Hayden needs to bite the bullet, or get it chinse style while he eats his meal.

And if that doesn’t scare the rest of them into form, then reload the gun.

The team used to mean more than the man in Australia, is that still the case?

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the world changes

I woke up this morning and something felt odd.

It was if gravity wasn’t pulling as hard.

There was a lightness in my step, as if some great weight had been lifted from me, but instead of me flying off into space I was just in limbo.

The air has harder somehow, I felt I could grab it.

I went outside, and everything was the same but different.

The sky was blue, which for London was weird enough, but it was a different colour blue, it was if they sky had no depth, like the world ended just beyond the clouds.

I went to the corner store and got some bread, the bread was fresh, from a corner store on a Sunday amazing, and when I reached the counter I realised I was 20p short.

Don’t worry about it said the usually angry shop owner, a man who in the past looked like he would choke you for 5p.

I walked out, of the store and on the way home I saw a young hoddie gentleman helping an elderly lady across the street.

A priest was walking down the street talking about his favourite author, Dickie Dawkins.

Birds were shitting in socially acceptable places.

The wind had a certain soothing quality to it, a suggested warmth.

I had to get inside, it was all too weird.

There was something not right, and the internet would tell me what it was, I checked the news sites, there was no overnight global disaster, no aliens taking over, and no shift in the earths rotation.

There was a cricket score in which South Africa had beaten Australia.

That’d be it then.

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Hawkeye at its best

I am supposed to be writing a piece for TWC.

Instead.


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The kiwis invert themselves

The kiwis invert themselves

What do we know about the kiwi batting line up, no runs from the top, great resistance in the middle.

It has been this way for quite some time.

We all feel comfortable with it.

But New Zealand has changed a few things, put in Tim McIntosh, moved Daniel Flynn and something seems to be working at the top.

Ofcourse now the over worked middle order are taking a break.

So instead of putting on a lead of a couple of hundred and ensuring a win or draw, they stumble to 70 in front.

Then Gayle comes out to ensure their opening bowlers remember him for a while.

Now the game is pretty much level, and the kiwis have to get 8 wickets that aren’t Shiv.

What is the point of having a over achieving middle order if when you need them to win a game they all contribute jack.

Hats off to Fidel and Iain though, without them this match might be a McIntosh and Shiv block fest.

Fidel takes his wickets with pace and sling, which seems to be the modern way.

IOB is a different entitiy altogether.

He seems to have no real pace, not a huge portion of swing or seam, but he has the power of the blog.

And you can never underestimate the power of the blog.

True story.

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Excuse Me Ricky,

I don’t mind losing Ricky.

Being a Victorian and a Collingwood supporter I have a sick love for it.

But losing like that, with limp dicks in your hand, that is what shits me.

There was nothing radical tried.

No rabbits pulled out of anything.

Not a hint of creativity.

The plan seemed to revolve around giving Johnson the ball, and hoping the pitch would keep low.

No 8-1 fields, no overs of bouncers, no Krazy Krejza bowling wide of off stump, no Katich, no Roy, and no fucking clue.

You are supposed to be the captain of Australia.

Not South Africa.

If South Africa want to win with their defensive fields and text book thinking let them.

That is not our way.

Put a leg slip in and bowl at the hip for an over.

Try Hussey with the keeper up at the stumps.

Keep all the fielders up for 5 overs.

Try something.

Because I don’t mind losing to a team that does something special to win, but not one who just cruises along because you can’t give them obstacles.

414 is not the score it used to be, but it’s still supposed to be hard.

This was not hard, they could have chased 515 just as easily.

Fucken hell, if you have given up ideas give the job to someone else.

Give it to the Krab, Hussey or Clarke.

Bring in White or North.

Hell give it to an aging hairless albino badger who has no eyes, no sense of direction and no hope of holding a cricket bat.

I don’t care, but I refuse to go out like this.

Go out playing millionaire shots.

Go out with 5 slips 3 gullys and a short leg.

But enough of this chicken ass shit.

Yours Etermally

Jrod

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How to get Shiv out

Many things have been tried.

Sledging.

Wide half volleys.

Bouncers.

Legspin.

Almost everything.

Jeetan Patel has trumped them all.

He just bowled a waste high full toss first ball, and took a simple return catch.

Really should have been tried earlier.


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The new Christmas number one

In future decades, cricket historians may view December 21 2008 as the day when the era of Australian dominance, which had begun almost fourteen years previously, ended. Losing (and convincingly) in India was one thing - but Australia had suffered defeat there even during their 2001 peak. But failing to defend 414 in a home Test - at Perth at that - feels like a seminal, epoch-ending moment. And it was some failure - Australia were completely thrashed, three-quarters of their bowling attack utterly impotent. Sports pundits are more prone than most to hyperbole, but on this occasion it really does seem justified.

Many have recently rushed to claim India as the world's best side, following winning three and losing none of their last six Tests against Australia, and then exhibiting the confidence and skill to chase down 387 against England with consummate ease. Yet the argument does not stand up to close scrutiny. Sandwiched between their two series with Australia was a scrapped 1-1 draw at home to South Agfrica and then a 2-1 defeat in Sri Lanka. It seems a little premature to label them number one just yet, though the startling recent progress of Gambhir, Sharma and Mishra suggests it might not be too long.

Yet it is South Africa who have the most right to claim themselves as the new number ones, having so spectacularly defeated Australia in their home perch. It feels like the ultimate knockout blow. And it has been a long time coming - South Africa have won eight of their last nine Test series, including victories in England and Pakistan. Even in the exception, the draw in India, they did themselves great credit, especially in light of Australia's woes there.

Two of South Africa's recent wins must rank amongst their ten finest of all time. In the remarkable run-chases at Edgbaston and Perth, Graeme Smith led from the front, compiling two masterful fourth-innings hundreds. He had had two consecutive bas series against England and Australia alike prior to this year, failing to avaerage 30 in any of the four series, but Smith has proved he is much more than a flat-track bully. Both centuries were characterised by a controlled aggression. Smith has mellowed since the humiliating discrepency between his words and deeds during the 2005/06 clashes with Australia; he is a towering presence in world cricket, an innate leader of men.

While there are slight doubts over Jacques Kallis' dwindling contributions (partially allayed by a vital pair of 50s at Perth), there have been vast improvements throughout the side of late. Neil McKenzie is seldom aesthetically pleasing but invariably stolid. Hashim Amla looked out-of-his-depth during his entry to Test cricket is now a superb, counter-attacking number three - and one of the game's true stylists to boot. And AB de Villiers, the boy wonder who could have represented his country in any number of sports but wasted many a promising start through recklnessness, is gaining maturity fast. His unbeaten, match-winning century suggests that, after four years in which a lack of patience prevented fulfillment of his promise, consistency may have arrived.

As apparent yet again, there is something fashionable about deriding orthodox left-arm spinners. But Paul Harris made an invaluable contribution - claiming five wickets - to the victory in Perth, displaying nous, control, calm - and even the ability to turn the ball a touch. An average of 32 from 19 Tests is certainly nothing to be sniffed at, given the main attacking threat is always expected to come from the quicks. The pace trio have claimed 131 wickets between them this year. Dale Steyn's brand of devishly late reverse swing accounts for his phenomenal career strike-rate of 38; Morne Morkel is sometimes too wayward but clearly has all the attributes to be a superb Test bowler. Makhaya Ntini may not be improving at his rate, but he is doing an admirable role as the senior statesman of the quicks, and has much nous to pass on.

South Africa, then, are clearly a formidable side. And their recent record is surely sufficient to label them the best side in the world. Officially, they will be so if they are to win this series 3-0. That is probably asking a little too much. But with such problems in their bowling attack, Australia must be tempted to try drastic selectorial action to cling on at the top.

In short, we have a new Christmas number one.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Cricket World Ratings : Worst ODI team

Author: young shivSubject: Worst ODI teamPosted: 21 December 2008 at 12:29amIf the ICC were to expell a team from playing one dayers who should it be

Cricket World Ratings : The best minnow

Author: young shivSubject: The best minnowPosted: 21 December 2008 at 12:36amthe best minnow

tim carves his name in tree, IOB knocks it down

Who is Tim McIntosh

He is not Aaron Redmond.

Nor is he Mark Richardson.

He is his own man.

And against the Windies, he is hard to get out.

His test average is impressive.

Better than yours.

Like lots of Kiwi openers he stays at the crease for a long time without scoring, but he does seem to have the ability to score.

Now it could be the case of a guy who is in the form of his life playing a pretty ordinary attack.

Or he could be to New Zealand Cricket what Jesus was to Christians, or Natalie Portman was to the Professional.

I am glad, ofcourse, that I didn’t see the innings.

Because I may killed myself by ingesting the packets you get in new shoe boxes.

Iain O’Brien would never make me kill myself.

6 wickets.

I bet he wouldn’t trade that in for the perfect pair of jeans.

Brett Lee has never taken 6 wickets in an innings.

And he has no idea what the perfect pair of jeans are.

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Graeme's work

You don’t have to like someone, to respect what they do.

And I don’t like Graeme Smith.

Not even a little bit.

I think in the past he has made runs against minnows, and occasionally England, and has been praised for good captaincy when I have seen none.

Having been in England for their summer it was hard not to see his good work.

Not as a captain, still rubbish.

But as a batsman.

He saved a match with one hundred, and then with another won a test.

You can’t argue with that.

Well you can.

Because it was pre KP England, but still, it was pretty damn good.

Now he has done it again.

This time he may not have seen it through.

But this one still feels better.

The last chase was less than 300 and he got half, this was over 400 and he has set them up.

Australia may still win.

But if they do, Graeme sure gave them a scare and a half.

And if South Africa win they can blame that big bastard for getting them over the line.

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Friday, December 19, 2008

Player Discussion : Jaggernauth

Author: TKORLSubject: JaggernauthPosted: 20 December 2008 at 2:00amAmit Jaggernauth's domestic record looks stunning, why isn't he getting chances? I mean if players like Lionel Baker and Fidel Edwards are getting matches, that after averaging 40 something, I think Jaggernauth and Nikita Miller would be a great options to partner Jerome Taylor.

South Africa's case

For the defence

Exhibit A, the shield match between speedblitz and the warriors:

NSW 177
WA 265
NSW 310
WA 2/224

NSWales have been horrible this year, but the ease of this chase cannot be denied.

Cross Examination: Look who made the runs, Marsh & Pomersbach, it could happen to anyone.

Exhibit B, the shield match between the mighty vics and the warriors.

WA 239
VIC 326
WA 404
VIC 4/321

Victoria are the inform team of the year, but this is a very comfortable chase by anyones standards, 3 quick wickets and South Africa can do the same.

Cross Examination: Victoria did make the runs with two ex Warriors who had points to prove, and did they prove them.

Key Points

Only one bowler really bothered them.

One batsman gets a hundred and anything up to 380 should be attainable.

The pitch is not getting worse, its just staying as bad.

4th innings chases aren’t like they use to be, wickets are flatter, they don’t crumble as much, and the Waca has had a few large 4th innings totals in the past.

Cross Examination: True only one bowler, what if Lee, Siddle and Krejza pick up the slack. Not one hundred in the match so far. 9 wickets a day bad. If you are 5/200 chasing 400 4th innings are still tough.

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Someone has a sense of humour

<p class="news-subheading">India v England, 2nd Test, Mohali, 1st day
<p class="news-title">Gambhir, Dravid light up gloomy day


Top knock from Gotham city.

Bakced up well by the cadaver with a bat in Dravid.

But light up?

With strike rates of 46 and 31, they couldn't light up my asshole by sticking a torch up there.

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You can take out the trash, but you canĂ¢€™t take out the Shiv

New Zealand really can't afford to lose just now.

West Indies are still improving, and another lost series wont be the end of the world.

For the Kiwis it is the end of the world.

They might as well just give it all in and start again.

Because something is wrong if they lose to this team.

Shiv will make runs, because Shiv makes runs, but very rarely does this mean the Windies win the test.

But New Zealand on paper is the better test team.

And losing at home might be the final straw.

So they need to get the 4 wickets quick, and then make 400 runs.

There is already no one at the New Zealand tests, if they lose to the worst real test team, who will turn up then.

What is less than zero?

A first class crowd perhaps.

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Australia's case

For the prosecution

Exhibit A, the shield match between new texas and the warriors:

QLD 208
WA 206
QLD 321
WA 196

Two evenly matched teams, Queensland set WA 324 to win, WA fell apart even with Pomersbach, North, Voges and Ronchi.

Cross examination: Noffke and Harris are two accurate bowlers for the last day, and SOS MArsh was missing that day.

Exhibit B, the shield match between the map of tassie and the warriors.

TAS 187
WA 283
TAS 292
WA 6/197

This one has some interesting stories.

Tasmania got 6 wickets without Ben Hilfenhaus who had broken down after taking 3 wickets in the first innings, and this season he is averaging less than 20 a wicket.

And this is the pitch they are playing on, and it’s the only shield match that has been played on it that I am aware of.

Cross Examination: This may have been the same pitch, but it's two different sides, and sometimes small totals are harder to chase.

Key Points

The wickets on this pitch have dome on average of 9 a day, and no matter how many times the commentators say the wicket gets better as the game goes, it doesn’t seem to change much.

Haddin and Krejza are still in, with two batsmen who made contributions in the first innings to come.

South Africa already need to better their first innings by 40 runs, and that was made without the pressure of a chase, and 25 run last wicket partnership.

Cross Examination: It doesn't matter how many wickets are taken per day, just the final score. The partnership has to start again, and Johnson and Siddle are no guarentee to score again. Any total up to 420 should be gettable on this wicket.


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England must keep the faith, for now at least

After being dropped in New Zealand last winter many thought Steve Harmison had played his last game for England. But he responded magnificiently for Durham; and, had England recalled him earlier, the Test series against South Africa could conceivably have ended differently. Indicative of his new-found zest for playing for England, he even reversed his decision to retire from ODIs - the single act which had most enraged his critics, led by Bob Willis.

Yet in the four months since his recall, Harmison has already managed to be dropped from the ODI and Test side alike. However, it would be grossly premature to say he is in an equally grim position to in New Zealand. His performance in the last Test was respectable enough, save for suffering at the brilliant Virender Sehwag's hands (and how different the game would have been had Sehwag not been dropped of Harmison's bowling). I would have sooner dropped James Anderson, enduring yet another miserable tour.

In the West Indies, Harmison remains almost certain to play in the first Test. It was there five years ago that he begun his meteoric rise to the world number one spot. For all his faults, he remains England's most fearsome quick when at his best (save perhaps for Simon Jones). England must keep the faith, for the series in the Caribbean at least. Ultimately, Australia's opening batsmen would much sooner line up against Anderson or even Broad than a revved-up Harmison.

The bargain basement Shiv

Sewnarine Chattergoon
Shivnarine Chanderpaul

See what I am saying there.

No middle names

Both from Guyana

Neither can find gear that fits them

But there is one key difference.

One is freakishly talented, and the other has goon in his name.

You could say that the other difference is Shiv gets all his power from his black facial sticky tape.

I will say this though, if you ever need a Shiv lookalike for your kid’s party, grab the goon, put some tape on on his face, and you’re done.

Ofcourse you can’t let him bat, because not only does he have a more normal stance, but he is also pretty crap.

13 off 72 balls against the kiwis.

Shiv might take forever some times, but he would make more than 13 whilst doing it.

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Jeetan Patel is stingy

West Indies are falling apart.

4 wickets before lunch.

2 to spinners.

1 to Jeetan Patel.

We like Jeetan Patel.

We would like to see more of him.

With figures of 11 overs 6 maidens 10 runs 1 wicket we may.

And that would be nice.


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More Sehwagology

It's spreading so fast there is already a counter movement.


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Sehwagology's children

The world is slowly awakening.

Number 2 is looking after the propaganda.

Visit Suave, and look at the presents he is giving us.

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Ab DeVilliers stays sharp

That is why you are on the couch, and he is playing test cricket.

Perhaps you should start staying sharper in your life.

Where did i find out about his sharpness, his website.

I learnt all sorts of things about him.

"He writes songs and plays the guitar, and is planning to release a CD before long.

AB’s favourite song is Needs, by Collective Soul.

His favourite films are Gladiator and A River Runs Through It."

He also writes a diary, not a blog, Abraham Benjamin is old school.

No talk of perfect jeans.

"We've all had our ice baths, filled our stomachs, rehydrated and are ready for what's going to be a big day of test cricket tomorrow!!!

Stay sharp
AB"

And he is afraid of snakes.

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Who do you believe?

Jacob Oram, the perfect boyfriend, curly haired Adonis, highly skilled all rounder, who is made out of jelly beans.

Or

Craig McMillan, he of the golden ass, 2020 specialist before it existed, captain of some ICL team, and hard as nails batsman.

You have to pick a side.

Because Craig McMillan has said what has been said in every New Zealand bar where sentences can be constructed, Oram is a big fucken softy.

Although he didn’t use those words, he said wrapped in cotton wool and,

"Unfortunately, with Jake's track record ... he has missed some games that maybe he could have got through,"

Soft.

New Zealanders are sick and tired of their players not playing, and they are more sick and tired of their few match winners pulling out at the last minute before every test.

Ladies I am sure you know what the kiwi fans are going through.

Either put it in, and deal with the pain, or piss off and let some else who may not be as well equipped put it in, Superking my ass.

Oram has hit back at McMillan, softly.

“"I understand people who have never bowled a ball in anger in their lives having a bit of a go at me for potentially being on the soft side, but it's extremely disappointing to come from an ex-teammate,"

If after teammate he added “who is a fat poofta”, the soft title may have been forgotten.

Oram goes further when he talks about all the times he has played hurt.

Two of them, a 2020 game and a one dayer.

Not really helping your cause there are you big fella.

I could imagine some kiwi supporters saying, that’s great Jacob, but where is the 30 overs in the wind stories?

In the wind I suppose.

Adam Parore also had a dip, but also took out Bond and Cairns, and I generally ignore Parore.

You have to feel sorry for jacob though.

This sort of harsh criticism can really get to a player, sometimes it makes them play through the pain just to prove a point.

We are sure that won’t happen to Jake, he is stronger than that.

Ian Smith is really pissed off by all this, but when we called for a comment he was out buying cotton wool.

So whose side are you on?

Craig’s or Jacob’s?

Personally I go with McMillan, he was a stocky tough sonofabitch, and I’ll always take their word over a soft as jelly beans allrounder.

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Mitchell is a stud

Australia was living its nightmare, the sad reality that 20 wickets in a test was going to be hard even at home.

Between the flat pitch, and the two settled batsmen, Australia was going to have to get lucky.


Australia didn't look like taking a wicket.

If a wicket was a prostitute, Australia was broke.

Kallis looked way solider than frame.

AB looked in complete control.

Australia was living its nightmare, the sad reality that 20 wickets in a test was going to be hard even at home.

Between the flat pitch, and the two settled batsmen, Australia was going to have to get lucky.

They didn't.

Johnson produced two brilliant nuts, with a 70 over ball, then he used his pace to get rid of a nervous debutante, before two tailenders just went with the flow.

People are already comparing it to the great Ambrose and McGrath spells at the Waca.

Johnson didn't hit a crack in the wicket, or get help from a spicy pitch, he had a flat pitch, a settled partnership and an old bowl that wasn't reversing.

This was something special, like the time i got a donkey stuffed toy out of a claw machine.

Who knows if this is the making of him or not.

There still seems to be flaws in his action, but left arm bowlers who can bowl at 150 and can inspire this sort of panic are few and far between.

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A Different View on Monty

Monty Panesar has been the subject of countless articles in the last few days. No sentient being who has ever watched an England cricket match could possibly fail to have heard the conclusions that Monty has no variations, his bowling isn't improving (if Shane Warne had royalty rights over his "same Test 34 times" remark, he'd have made another million by now) and that he doesn't take enough interest in his field placings.

Apart from being staggeringly lazy, boring and repetitive journalism, and without in any way trying to suggest that Monty had a good match or has even had that good a year, I'm not sure about these points. And I'm certainly not sure that they should be repeated as gospel truths.

I think Monty's trouble is that he has no idea whether the powers that be want him to be a strike bowler or a stock bowler. Should he be brought on to take wickets, with the risk of a few balls disappearing? Or is he coming on to tie up an end whilst the fast bowlers rotate in strike mode from the other? In my view, he started off as a strike bowler. He was too raw for anyone to expect him to tie down big name batsmen, but they recognised that he spun the ball miles for a finger-spinner. So they threw the ball to him, and told him to see what he could produce - and he produced some sensational spells of bowling that brought him some of the biggest scalps and best players of spin in the game. But then things happened to change his approach.

He was dropped in Australia for Ashley Giles, the very definition of an uninspiring, unthreatening bowler. Monty had spent nearly a year bowling in a way that caused sober analysts of the game (to say nothing of the more exciteable ones) to label him the best finger-spinner in the world. Then he was dropped for England's most important series for a long time for a guy who made a career out of holding up an end, and in some ways he has made himself into a bowler of that type.

One of my abiding memories from watching the car crash of a defeat in Adelaide was the ease with which Giles was milked for four an over on the same pitch that Shane Warne had made look like a minefield. In the same way, Monty was milked by Tendulkar and co on a pitch that actually looked like a minefield. Granted, neither were helped by their inexperienced captains, who set in-out fields rather than forcing the batsmen to take risks by hitting over the top, but the comparison remains relevant. That Test was the last Giles played and if England drop Monty tomorrow, with Swann in situ and Rashid coming through, it may be the last he plays for some time as well.

He has also had to play totally different roles in the team depending on whether he was part of a four-man or five-man attack. Specifically, in a four man attack, he was used to tie up an end so that the pace bowlers could rotate through the innings. In a five man attack, he could be thrown the ball and told to toss it up and see if he could make things happen. In the last year, he has been mostly in the hands of Michael Vaughan, a brilliant, brilliant captain, and one of my personal favourite cricketers - but he was in Vaughan's hands at the worst time, when his captaincy was on the wane. Vaughan used Panesar like Giles, and, again, Monty has responded by trying to make himself into what he perceived was wanted. This says a lot about him as a team man, but I would have preferred him to say "sod you, if you want a bowler like that then get Robert Croft out of retirement - I can actually turn the ball".

I'm not going to make a separate point out of it, because it's well trodden ground, but the same pattern is obvious when you think about Monty and ODIs. In a typical English way, with typical suspicion of unorthodox talent (parallels with Wayne Rooney, anyone?), we have turned an enthusiastic young finger spinner who can turn the ball like a leggie into a typical, dour containing bowler who looks at his economy rate rather than his wickets column to find out how well he has bowled. There aren't many bowlers who can bowl any team in the world out on a good day, and we should celebrate the fact that Monty is one of them rather than complain that he doesn't keep the runs down in the meantime. Hopefully, KP and his attacking instincts will take this approach and take Monty in a different direction.

At the same time as all of this, Monty was forced to focus on his fielding and batting instead of his bowling - again whilst suffering constantly in comparison with Ashley Giles. Hasn't anyone worked out yet that he will always be a terrible fielder and batsman, regardless of how much work he does (and his work ethic is not in question)? Thinking about his bowling, as we should, he didn't come into the team as a hard bitten county pro who had toiled for summer after summer and had learned all that he was going to learn. What he needed was a mentor, one who believed in his talent and who could nurture that talent into full bloom, his Terry Jenner. He still doesn't have that - in fact, England don't even have a spin bowling coach. Why the hell not? How can the cast of thousands that follows the team around not include a spin bowling coach? Is it therefore any wonder that Monty doesn't understand the metagame that should accompany his bowling, and hasn't developed dangerous variations? Where are the stories of him spending hour after hour with pool balls or oranges, seeing what new things he can do with them, or sitting at the feet of the greats of the game, lapping up their insights? Is he supposed to learn his trade by osmosis? If you'll excuse the flood of rhetorical questions, he has been horribly mismanaged by England.

If you want an example of this dysfunctionality, Mushtaq Ahmed was due to be appointed as spin bowling coach - why? Mushy was a great bowler and is an admirable man in many, many ways, but Monty is currently our premier spinner, and he is a finger spinner...so why are we appointing a leggie as his coach? Perhaps David Gower should teach Bell to bat left-handed, and Marcus Trescothick should work on Matt Prior's wicketkeeping. England have a terrible record with young spinners recently - Richard Dawson all but gave up spin bowling after being handled abysmally during a tour of Australia, and Chris Schofield almost gave up cricket after his experiences. Ever since the Gatting ball, we have been searching for so desperately for our own Shane Warne that it has destroyed a number of careers - so god help Adil Rashid.

As one final thought, there is one other spinner in the world who is quiet and a bit eccentric off the field, who seems born to bowl and has help from a quirk in his physique, has had no renowned mentor but has created devastating variations, has always been a rabbit with the bat and a dreamer in the field and who keeps runs down whilst taking hatfuls of wickets. But if we're now criticising Monty for not being Murali, then the world really has gone mad.

Johnson leader of the lefties

[b]Mitchell Johnson continues to carry the Australian seam attack and confound the critics who write-off the Aussies' bowling strength in the post-McGrath and Warne era.[/b]

Mitchell Johnson’s stunning spell against South Africa revealed a bowler in prime form. Johnson has spent most of the last year securing his place in the Australian team but now, 15 matches into a seemingly long and successful career, he has become the leader of the Aussie attack and Ricky Ponting’s go-to seamer.

Johnson is not the only left armer at the peak of his powers. Zaheer Khan is a key part of India’s current success and has been showcasing his mastery of conventional and reverse swing throughout his team’s run of One Day and Test wins over England. With Ryan Sidebottom and Chaminda Vaas also in the top 15 of the world Test rankings, this is perhaps the golden age of the left arm paceman.

With Sidebottom struggling for fitness and Vaas nearing the end of his illustrious career, Johnson and Khan â€" at the front of respective Australian and Indian batteries of lefties containing Nathan Bracken, Doug Bollinger, Irfan Pathan and RP Singh - are the pre-eminent left arm seamers and two of the bowlers most likely to knock Dale Steyn off his best fast bowler in the world perch.

Khan has been attracting comparisons with Wasim Akram â€" the ultimate compliment for a left armer â€" and the England players who have consistently struggled to cope with his pace, accuracy and array of variations would be the first to acknowledge him as the trickiest seamer to face in world cricket.

Flourishing on the subcontinent is the sign of a class pace bowler and Johnson’s promising recent displays in India suggest he deserves to be considered in the same company as Vaas and Khan.

The Queenslander’s unconventional run-up and slingy action disguise a genuine swing bowler whose nippy pace often surprises batsmen. His seven wicket haul on the first day at Perth was a mixture of swing bowler’s dismissals, facilitated by his angle of attack to right handers and wickets captured due raw pace on a WACA surface that isn’t as fast and bouncy as it once was.

The current surfeit of left arm pacemen is not only good news for spinners who appreciate the rough generated by their colleagues follow-through, but also for cricket fans who like constructing fantasy cricket teams â€" a left-handed 11 would now give a right-handed line-up a really good game and provide the ICC with an alternative to the ill-fated World XI Super Series.

Written by Philip Oliver, a sports writer who blogs about cricket betting.

Mitchell, bugger me

I said the other day that Mitchell Johnson is becoming the best fast bowler in the world.

I didn't feel good saying it.

But i just had a feeling.

I put him in my fantasy league as the trump player.

I didn't expect this.

5 wickets in 5 overs with an old ball that wasn't reversing.

That is hardcore.

He has taken the spleen out of South Africa.

A South Africa that looked so comfortable that finishing the day 3 wickets down seemed the most logical.

It came from no where.

Ponting had ketp Krejza on for hours, even though it had been a long time since he looked like taking a wicket.

Siddle and Lee both bowled ok, but they just never looked like breaking through.

Johnson just came on and got the job done.

5 wickets in like 20 something balls.

It was brutal, quick, and deadly.

There were off cutters, short balls, slower balls and whatever Paul Harris did.

All done with a soft ball.

Brilliant.

I have bagged Johnson alot, especially when he was getting a game ahead of shield players who had out performed him, but the little lost boy has become a man, and then some.


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