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The Sheffield Shield, brought to you by a soggy breakfast: QLD

QLD, the New Texas Bulls

Players that won’t be available for large parts of the season.

Hayden, Roy?, Watson and Hopes.

Losing Watson and Hopes in the one season would cripple most state teams, but the one thing Queensland has is all rounders.

The two bets performed all rounders in state cricket last year were Ryan Harris and Ashley Noffke, they are now team mates, and Noffke has a point to prove.

Last year they were plainly spoken complete fucken rubbish. Actually they were way worse than that.

They were old, stale, and pathetic.

This year the have shed Maher and Kasprowicz, for some unknown reason kept Bichel, and Johnson has gone to be with his girlfriend.

Leadership

Chris Simpson is the new captain, and I don’t know a lot about him, it always seems risky when a team makes a fringe player a captain, but if he is the only choice, he is the only choice.

He said some strong words in the media about hard work and so forth, but so did Nathan Adcock last year, and where is he now, exactly.

Bowling

Ashley Noffke was the best bowler outside of test cricket last year. Ryan Harris was the hardest working man in show bizness last year,

But once these two are finished what does Queensland have. They have no spinners, Andy Bichel and lots of untried bowlers, Noffke and Harris would have to take a lot of wickets, and if one gets the call up, Queensland are in trouble.

Batting

Old.

Unkown.

Strugglers.

And all rounders.

I have never seen a state line up look so bare.

Noffke and Harris may end up with all the wickets and all the runs.

Long in the tooth

Andy Bichel is technically already dead and no one has told him and Martin Love is pensioner, if both of these guys play out the whole year I’d be surprised.

Ready to shed the nappies

Ummmm, shit, lets say Alistair McDermott who makes other red heads look subtle.

Nostradamus

Shield

Last.

One dayers

Last.

2020

Second Last.

The rub

They seem old and ordinary, and the probably are, remember when they were good.

The Robert DeNiro mobwww.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Is Ricky Ponting the greatest comedian of our generation? (Never ever trust an Australian at cricket, or tiddlywinks)

Is he?

Better than Daniel Kitson, sure.

Better than Ross Noble, hell yeah.

Better than Dubya Bush, it’s neck and neck.

This,

"I will have a think about it over the next couple of days," Ponting said, "and see if I think it is the right idea to bring it up again."
Might not sound funny on it’s own.

But when he is talking about trusting the word of the fielders on catches, he is surely taking the piss.

That is George Carlin funny.

Never trust an Australian in sport, and never ever ever trust an Australian in sport when they say “trust me”.

How do I know this, because I am Australian, and I have not only claimed catches I haven’t taken, hell I once claimed a bowled where I saw the ball miss the stumps.

NEVER TRUST AN AUSTRLIAN IN SPORT.

Live by that.

That is why Sydney was as much Anil Kumble’s fault as it was Pontings.

Kumble has been playing test cricket since keepers could keep.

He knows the game, and he knows Australia.

So why would he ever enter into an agreement with someone as hell bent on winning as Ricky Ponting?

He won’t do it again, because Anil aint no idiot.

Ponting isn’t an idiot either or is he,

"Anil [Kumble] was the one who didn't want that [a pact on trusting the fielder's word] after the Sydney Test for one reason or the other,"
One reason or another.

Michael Clarke might have been one reason, Ricky Ponting might have been another.

You know Ricky when you claimed one of those catches under the backyard rule of one hand one bounce.

I don’t blame you, a test was to be won, but let the umpires decided.

None of this trut me crap.

You’re not someone trust worthy, like say, a used car salesman or a politician.

You are an Australian cricketer.

Your word is no good here.

Just the way I like it.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

2008 Season Review: Northamptonshire

[b]Continuing our season reviews, here is an assesment of Northants's campaign. [/b][b][/b] [b]Championship Division Two - 4th[/b][b]FP Trophy - 3rd, Midlands Division [/b][b]Twenty20 Cup - Quarter Finalists[/b][b]Pro40 Division Two - 9th[/b][b][/b]
If it could have gone wrong for Northamptonshire in 2008, it probably did, as a season that began with high hopes ended in typically desultory fashion, as they failed to win a game in any competition over the final 67 days of the season. Rumours of dissension in the dressing room (rumours that allegedly came with a strong Afrikaans accent) didn’t help as Pretoria-upon-Nene endured another barren season.
If no one could understand what they were saying in the dressing room, it was hardly surprising as there were times when I couldn’t understand what they were doing on the pitch or in terms of team selection.
The County didn’t always help themselves on the field (notably with the suicidal decision to bowl first in the final game of the season, as Middlesex closed the day on 291-1, and a succession of top order collapses) but they were set on the back foot by the ECB’s initial decision to block the registration of Andrew Hall and Johannes van der Wath, found themselves dogged by bad weather and saw their best hope of silverware in years disappear with the toss of the coin under the Chelmsford lights.

Northants began the season in typical style by losing their first two Championship games. In Hall and van der Wath’s absence, they were forced to scramble for an overseas player and came up with Johan Louw, a player who we didn’t really need and one we certainly didn’t need when Hall and van der Wath were finally cleared to play. However, we were stuck with him and ultimately the ECB’s desperation to appease their Indian paymasters cost Northants a lot of money that they could ill afford, a move that will have a long-term impact on the club’s budget.
Promotion in the Championship was always liable to be beyond Northants’ reach but they ultimately sustained a promotion challenge until the penultimate game thanks to a 13-game unbeaten streak. The weather compromised a number of promising positions but an inability to take wickets ultimately cost them. However, all things considered it wasn’t a bad effort although it may be hard to improve upon next season in a division containing Kent, Surrey, Middlesex and Essex.
The chance of glory in the Friends Provident was dashed by a combination of bad luck (Hall and van der Wath’s arrival was delayed by red tape â€" thanks a bunch Giles Clarke â€" while Northants finished with more points than two of the eight teams that advanced to the quarter finals) and a rotten performance against Leicestershire on a glorious day where four of the County’s top five amassed 12 runs between them.
The Twenty/20 was there to be won. They started brilliantly, winning four games in a row, and then went off the boil in spectacular fashion, limping into the quarter finals and being drawn away against Essex. Whether the conditions that night were suitable for play is a moot point. Essex won the toss and effectively the match. Although the Eagles played much the better cricket on the day, Northamptonshire’s fate was sealed at the toss â€" a throwback to the bad old days of September cup finals at Lord’s.
The less said about the Pro 40 the better. Northants lost all six games they played (if the weather had not washed out the game with Kent, the Spitfires would doubtless have won and would have qualified for the playoff ahead of Glamorgan) and were frankly abysmal. Riki Wessels and David Sales provided the lone pockets of resistance in a succession of abject performances as the bowlers captured just 31 of a potential 60 wickets and none of the regular top three managed to average 20 with the bat. The whole thing was a fiasco with Northamptonshire invariably giving the impression that as the ECB had decided to scrap the competition after 2009, there was no point taking it seriously.
At times the batting was brilliant. David Sales, Rob White and Lance Klusener all topped 1,000 runs in the Championship â€" White enjoyed a breakthrough season after years of frustration â€" while Niall O’Brien, Stephen Peters and latterly Riki Wessles all scored heavily. O’Brien did a great job after stepping into the opener’s role while Wessels was arguably the County’s most exciting player over the second half of the season. He is still only 22 with the ability to make it to the top. It may be a tad ambitious to predict that a player who spent time in the second team this season could yet play for England after his father, Kepler, played for South Africa and Australia but he has enormous talent.
At other times the batting was abysmal. The old Northamptonshire adage of playing crap shots to crap balls and getting out in crap fashion lives on with White and Wessels as guilty as anyone and there were times when the theory that one wicket brings two was replaced by the Northamptonshire mantra of one brings four. The fielding was hardly brilliant (there is a place in my nightmares for Sales throwing the ball in from the deep midwicket boundary at The Oval, whereupon Jason Brown sidestepped the ball and White and Nicky Boje dived in each other’s way and allowed it to speed on unhindered to the cover boundary) but the bowling was the area where Northants really fell short.
With the exception of van der Wath in the Championship and Hall in the Twenty/20, the bowlers’ performances fluctuated between iffy and abysmal. David Lucas tried his best and had some success while David Wigley also tried hard but their limitations were clear for all to see. Despite that they both earned new two-year deals.
Hall invariably looked overweight but found the stamina to get through four-over spells in the Twenty/20 while van der Wath was lethal at times. Louw was rubbish â€" at one stage he was omitted in favour of Wigley â€" and Klusener’s days as a bowler were clearly over, a fact that made his release easier to understand and deal with.
The spinners disappointed. Boje took 33 wickets and was the pick of the bunch but Panesar did little when he was available (18 wickets in seven games, including 7 in the final match of the season) and Jason Brown was hopeless, claiming just 9 Championship scalps at a cost of almost 80 runs each, a damning statistic that led to his release.
The fact that Northamptonshire claimed the second highest tally of batting points in the country and ranked dead last in the bowling points stakes offers clear testimony as to where the flaws lay at Wantage Road in 2008.
There is hope for the future with Sales, White and Wessels developing into a potent middle order and if Wessels kicks on next year he will replace the departed Klusener’s runs. Seam bowling reinforcements are desperately needed and an overseas pace bowler to partner van der Wath is a priority. The County has purged some of the dead wood from the ranks â€" retaining Wigley was presumably cheaper than buying a new bowling machine for the nets â€" and with a little luck and a couple of shrewd signings, next year might just be the year...
[b]Player of the season:[/b] Still not sure about this one. Sales and Klusener were typically effective while O’Brien had as good a season as he could have done considering he started off the season uncertain of his place in the team. Rob White finally strung together a season’s worth of decent performances and scored 1,000 runs for the first time while Wessels lit up the skies with some superb hitting in the second half of the season and van der Wath and Hall had their moments. On the grounds that O’Brien was the official County Player of the Year and I can’t bring myself to agree with much that they do, I’ll nominate White for the award.
[b]Most disappointing player:[/b] A toss up between Johan Louw and Monty Panesar. A desperation signing after the ECB initially blocked Hall and van der Wath’s registration, Louw did nothing to justify his status as an overseas player and proved to be a total waste of money who couldn’t even get in the side every game. Panesar did little more than upset the balance of the team when he played and was a pale shadow of his former self.
[b]Highlight:[/b] The announcement that Sales had signed a new four-year contract and would be staying at Wantage Road was probably as good as it got (thereby ensuring we kept our best player and dashed Ashley Giles’ hopes of signing him into the bargain) although the news of Richard Logan’s release was also good news. On the pitch Rob White’s century to set up victory over Warwickshire in the FPT was pretty impressive as was making it four wins in a row to start the Twenty/20 campaign.
[b]Lowlight:[/b] How long have you got? Collapsing to 61-9 in the next 20 over game, getting bombed out for 61 at Southend in the Pro 40, losing the toss and the game in the Twenty/20 at Chelmsford and having to bat in the rain under lights (admittedly we made certain of defeat with a fairly arse performance but in all honesty Australia would have struggled), failing to win a game since July 22, coming bottom of the Pro 40 and losing all six games we played....Get the idea?http://timwaltonsbandana.blogspot.com/ If you're interested in writing a season review for your county, please email it cricketingworld@hotmail.com

2008 Season Review: Durham

[b]Continuing our season reviews, 'Durhamfootman' offers an assesment of Durham's triumphant campaign. [/b]
[b][/b]
[b]Final placings:
Championship Div 1 - Winners
FP Trophy - Semi-finalists
Twenty20 Cup - Semi-finalists
Pro 40 Div 1 - 3rd place[/b]

After the euphoria of 2007 and the club’s first piece of silverware, it was always going to be hard to live up to the expectations, some of it optimistic, of its supporters in 2008. Yet that is precisely what Durham did, by winning their maiden county championship title, just 16 years after gaining first-class status.

The central core of Durham’s success lay in its seam attack. The loss of Ottis Gibson was always going to be difficult to overcome, but England, in their wisdom, saw fit to provide the solution, by dropping Steve Harmison from the test team.

Harmison, with a point to prove, set about demolishing division 1 batting line-ups with vigour. Re-discovered rhythm, pace and accuracy saw him return figures of 60 wickets at an average of 22, ably supported by Callum Thorp (50 @ 19s) and Mark Davies (39 @ 15s). A less successful season for Plunkett and Onions, both suffered from injury problems and struggled to get going, once fit. More will be expected from them next season, once Harmison returns to the England fold.

Ben Harmison made steady, if not spectacular, progress with the ball, but was found a little wanting, with the bat. Nevertheless he has shown that he may well have the ability to play a bigger role in 2009. Spin has never been one of Durham’s strong suits, but Paul Wiseman was an ever-present, chipping in with 16 wickets and scoring some very useful runs. Gareth Breese had limited CC opportunities, yet averaged 184 in the final two games of the season. Reason enough, I think, to thank him for.

The batting department was less successful. Batting collapses were an all too familiar feature of Durham’s season, without ever proving truly fatal. DiVenuto (1058 runs) and captain, Benkenstein, (783 runs) were the bedrock of the batting line-up and the team’s reliance on them, in the early part of the season, at times bordered on the embarrassing.

The introduction of Will Smith steadied the ship and he chipped in with 925 runs from 12 matches, which included 3 big hundreds, one a double hundred, and 3 fifties. Fortunately for Durham, of those three players, only one of them was ever out of form, at any one time.

The overseas players did little to rectify the batting imbalance, McKenzie was poor and Chanderpaul only came good towards the end of the campaign. Phil Mustard failed to improve on his 26 average from 2007, but his final innings 84, helped get Durham over the line. The fact that Durham secured 8 batting points less than Surrey, is probably a ‘flattering’ reflection on Durham’s batting. This will need to be addressed for the 2009 season.

Durham were able to make a determined defence of their FP title, losing out to Kent in the semi-final. They established themselves in the Pro 40 division 1, after promotion last term, finishing a creditable 3rd. The biggest improvement came in the Twenty20 cup, where Durham’s record of being the worst county in T20 cricket was redressed with a maiden appearance (albeit woeful) at Twenty20 finals day.

2009 will be an interesting season. Benkenstein looks set to relinquish the captaincy, but is likely to remain Durham’s most influential player. Harmison will be a big loss. The contracts of some senior players will end next year, which is likely to lead to some retirements.

The challenge for Durham will be to continue with the development of its young players like Harmison jnr, Stoneman, Smith, Coetzer, Muchall and Park, all of whom have now got first team experience. These are the players who must step up and be ready to fill the places that will be left in 2010 by DiVenuto and the, poorly selected, overseas batsmen. Hopefully Durham will then be able to acquire the services of a world class spinner. It is now time for the team that convincingly won the 2nd XI Championship, to lead Durham's 1st XI to further success, in the coming seasons.

[b]Player of the Season:[/b]
Probably a toss up between Harmison and Smith

[b]Most Disappointing Player:[/b]
Neil McKenzie

[b]Highlight:[/b]
Stupid question

[b]Lowlight:[/b]
Twenty20 Cup semi-final

If you're interested in writing a season review for your county, please email it cricketingworld@hotmail.com

English award season, CWB style

I was only here for 2 months of the English season, but I think I got the gist of it.

So I will give out the special English domestic cricket with balls awards.

Today we have the Johnny Cash and Steve Jobs Awards.

Johnny Cash Award

Tough one in this season, Eyelids Pattinson came from no where and took wickets in every orifice.

Imran Tahir is a journeyman, but he took Hampshire on a ride from relegation to Championship contender.

He may not have been good enough to play for Western Australia for most of his career, but Murray Goodwin was all over the domestic competitions this year. Ask Notts.

Fuck them all though, Steve Harmison gave Durham a weapon of mass destruction and they used it t win the championship, so he gets the award.

The Steve Jobs award

Dirty Dirk Nannes diving to give Middlesex millions in the Caribbean and India.

The best fielding from a bad (read shithouse) fielder ever.

It was not the dive of a Kolpak cashing in, it was the dive of a man who wants to win at every he plays at.

I also like the idea that the worst fielder in the side saved the side after a wayward throw from a much better fielder almost lost it in one throw.

Tomorrow is the andy warhol and briteny spears awards.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

The Sheffield Shield, brought to you by a soggy breakfast: NSW

Time for my state cricket round up.

This may be the last year I can do one with any authority,

We'll start wit the reigning champs.

NSWales, the speedblitz bulls

Players that won’t be available for large parts of the season.

Bollinger, Bracken, Clark, Clarke, Haddin, Jacques, Katich, and Lee.

That is a fair list, and looking at the “a” team, there are a bunch more in the wings.

What have they got left, youth, youth, and yup, youth.

Last year I though there youth was ordinary and wouldn’t make much of a splash, they did, bastards.

The Reigning Shield Champions seem to have an uphill battle to do the same.

This year they will need that youth to kick on either further as Haddin, Katich and Bollinger will be available far less.

Leadership

Katich is a huge loss, not just for batting, but he was the steel, but the captaincy, when you have a young team you need a captain who can bring them together, but he will be there and thereabouts for Australia, and may miss large portions of the season.

Whoever has the captaincy for the games Katich is not available will be the key, I would say they would go with Thornely, Daniel Smith, Mail or Ed Cowan.

Bowling

With their top 4 bowlers all busy, Cameron and Henriques will have to take a lot of wickets.

Henriques is the highest rated young player since Michael Clarke, but so far he hasn’t done much other than look impressive.

Beau Casson will be trying to prove he is the number one spinner in Australia, which he isn’t, but with this bowling attack, he should get a lot of overs.

Batting

Hard to see where the runs are coming from. Mail, Cowan and Thornley are experienced, but none of these players are top flight state batsmen.

The class would appear to come from Hughes and Khawaja. Neither have the experience, but they do look like the way forward.

Khawaja will also provide Australian writers the opportunity to call him wristy which is nice.

Henriques, Casson and Steve Smith are all supposed to be all rounders, and they will have to make a few runs between them.

Long in the tooth

The Mail Man may be paying his last season. Should get a game for the first half of the year, but when the young bucks start circling, he is the one Matthew Nicholson and the other selectors may get rid of. Although Nicholson probably thinks 30 is young.

Ready to shed the nappies

Steven Smith is the highest rated youngster since Moises Henriques, sorry couldn’t help myself. Played in a few 2020 games last year and tripped over wickets with his leg spin. He may be the Cameron White, Cameron White never proved to be, a genuine top six batsman who can bowl.

Nostradamus

Shield

3rd to 4th.

One dayers

2nd to 3rd.

2020

Last, they never take this shit seriously.

The rub

They is young, and held in high regard, but can they play?

The Ryan Gosling sidewww.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Catch, Release & Wristy men

Ok so I am still pissed at thewhole Rashid oversight.

But let us move onto the other 2 selectorial decisions.

The Keepers

Who needs 2 keepers for a two test tour?

Who needs Tim Ambrose?

The answer to both questions should be no one, but instead it’s England.

How long does it take to fly a keeper from England to India anyway.

Matt Prior is clearly going to be the first choice, and Tim Ambrose is clearly Tim Ambrose.

What a waste of a plane ticket.

Unless he is going over on a one way ticket, then it makes sense.

The spare batsman.

Michael Vaughan is enjoying his retirement with golf, his new sky contract, his old English contract, and playing for Northern Districts.

So the England need to find their new batsman.

And being that this is a Subbie tour, they were always going to pick one of their wrsity* batsman.

Ravi Bopara was in the squad for the last test against the saffas, so obviously Owais Shah was picked.

Shah is the better batsman, so it is surprising that he is in the tour.

Bopara will have to wait a little longer before he becomes Sachin Tendulkar.

I think it will happen one day, if he kills Sachin and wears his skin as a suit.

In 70 odd days time this squad will play their first test.

I am counting the days.

For the suave and sweary version of the english squad, go here.

* Commentators code for an Asian batsman.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

pick this

Australia hasn't played a match against India yet.

England has already picked their test squad for India.

The tour is in December, but fuck me England are prepared.

Squad Andrew Strauss, Alastair Cook, Ian Bell, Kevin Pietersen (capt), Paul Collingwood, Andrew Flintoff, Owais Shah, Matt Prior (wk), Tim Ambrose (wk), Graeme Swann, Stuart Broad, Steve Harmison, James Anderson, Ryan Sidebottom, Monty Panesar

There were only three decisions.

Back up Spinner, Keeper, and Vaughan’s replacement.

The Spinners

Monty has been picked, because he is like Yao Ming in an NBA allstar game, an automatic selection.

The back up spinner is Graeme Swann.

A man I just watched bowl for a whole day on a turning pitch against Hampshire for one wicket.

Sure he is cool, has a chin that Roger Ramjet would be proud of, and everyone likes to tour with him, but why is he going?

Adil Rashid, the first English legspinner I have ever rated, and possibly the last, has taken 62 wickets @ 30 this year.

Swann didn’t have a bad year, but he is not much of wicket taker, 30 wickets @ 26.

He seems to have been chosen under the Ashley Giles selection policy.

“Sure he doesn’t take many wickets, but he can bat a bit, and everyone likes him, so lets take him along. “
Rashid is too risky to be the backup spinner according to the english.

So he will play second XI cricket.

Graeme Swann is never going to be England’s test spinner, unless he develops a doosra, or some other mystery ball.

And do England really need to take two finger spinners who aren’t big wicket takers.

No they don’t.

Don’t fear the wrist spinner England, this aint no Ian Salisbury.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Andy Bichel is still a Twat, and so is Brad Hodge

"You think, 'What's going on here?' Even Brett Geeves getting a game against Bangladesh... it should have been Ashley Noffke. It's just mind-blowing." Andy Bichel

I have never liked Andy Bichel, his face offends me.

But this is nonsense.

Ashley Noffke had an ordinary domestic one day summer, Brett Geeves was off the chart.

Andy Bichel is so old that perhaps his sight has departed him.

I have already grudgingly admitted the Noffke should have gone to India ahead of Siddle, but that was test cricket.

Bichel didn’t attack Siddle though, which is strange, usually he loves taking a dip at Victorians, instead he went Brett Geeves who has never hurt anyone and has a cool hair cut.

He is also not biased at all in this decision, being Noffke’s team mate for the last 10 years.

"Unfortunately I don't select any sides, certainly not the Australian side, otherwise I'd be over there now." Brad Hodge

Talking about people without bias, Brad Hodge would pick himself.

Aheada of who I am not sure.

Hodge had an ordinary shield season last year.

Take away his triple hundred against the Queensland bowlers who were all injured, and the decent half century against NSWales in the final, Hodge underperformed.

Simon Katich made a kabillion runs.

Shane Watson is an all rounder.

So why does Brad Hodge believe he should be in the squad ahead of either one of them.

Hodgey, just once would you think before you speak.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

A quick SWOT analysis

The absence of Ganguly from the pre-series camp in Bangalore makes it quite clear that he's not going to be picked for the Tests. That's a good opportunity for Rohit Sharma, the most likely candidate for Ganguly's slot in the eleven, to cement his place in the Test side. I hope they give him a run of four Tests, and not rotate the one open slot between two or three newcomers during the series. The replacement of Ganguly with Rohit will strengthen the batting, in my view, although I would have liked one more opening to have been created in the middle order. As for the bowling, the pacers are looking in fine fettle: Ishant, Zaheer and Munaf all impressed in the Irani trophy. The odd guy out is captain Kumble. He's averaging 40 plus per wicket these days, and looked far from threatening in the Irani Cup match. In fact, Chetnya Nanda of Delhi looked more likely to get a top order batsman out. I feel Kumble will be India's Achille's heel by blocking a more deserving spinner (on current form) like Amit Mishra or Pragyan Ojha. Even in captaincy, he lacks the dynamism, confidence and astuteness of MS Dhoni. The only match where Kumble is likely to be an asset may be his favourite hunting ground - Ferozeshah Kotla, Delhi. I hope he gets a bunch of wickets there and announces his retirement. It's painful to see one of India's greatest bowlers (in home conditions) struggle like this.

So what's your ideal team to take on the Aussies? To check out mine, you can go to this article in DNA: Kaun banega selector?

Championship Review - Final Week

[b]And so another thrilling season ends, with issues at the top and the bottom of Division 1 going right down to the wire. In another shock move, my predictions from last week turn out to be spot on. And congratulations to Warwickshire, who pip Worcestershire to the 2nd division title[/b]

[b]Division 1[/b]
[b]Durham [/b]started the week in second position and needed a win against struggling [b]Kent[/b], who also needed good points in their battle against relegation. Putting Kent into bat, Durham made a great start, Steve Harmison taking four wickets as Kent made just 225. In reply, Durham declared on 500 for 8, with Mike di Venuto scoring 90 and Gareth Breese an unbeaten 121. Kent were quickly reduced to 17 for 3 in reply and with Callum Thorp getting the first seven wickets to fall, never looked like making Durham bat again. Harmison cleaned up the tail and Durham won by an innings and were now waiting on the Nottinghamshire result. Kent took just two points from the game and were reliant on a positive result between Yorkshire and Sussex to stay up.

[b]Nottinghamshire [/b]were entertaining [b]Hampshire[/b], who also started the week with their eyes on the title. Durham’s haul of bonus points put paid to that, but they started match very much on an even keel, with their 203 being only slightly bettered by Notts 211, Notts losing their last five wickets for just 9 runs, thanks largely to Imran Tahir. Second time round, Hants found batting easier, amassing 449 for 5, with 93 from Michael Brown and unbeaten centuries from Nic Pothas and Liam Dawson. Notts thus needed 442 to win at a run rate of around 6 an over to take the title. They gambled in opening with Graeme Swann. However, the task was too great for them and they were bowled out for 238 to give Durham the title.

Meanwhile at [b]Sussex[/b], the relegation battle between the home team and [b]Yorkshire [/b]was twisting and turning day after day. Yorkshire, who started the week in the relegation zone, batted first and were 80 for 6 at the end of Day 1. However, centuries from spin duo Adil Rashid and David Wainwright, with support from Tim Bresnan and Matthew Hoggard got Yorkshire to 400 for 9 and maximum batting points. Sussex were then reduced to 207 all out, despite a century from Chris Nash. Second time round, batting was easier for Sussex with a Murray Goodwin century leading Sussex to a draw on 397 for 9, despite Rashid taking seven wickets. Both teams stay in Division 1 and will look to build on seasons that promised more.

At Taunton, the home team still had hopes of the title, while [b]Lancashire [/b]were still in danger of relegation. However, the goings on between Durham and Kent soon put paid to both eventualities. [b]Somerset [/b]struggled to 202 all out in their first innings, conceding a lead of 46 to Lancs who made 248. Somerset then made 227 second time round, with Gary Keedy taking 5 wickets. Lancs knocked off the 183 to win for the loss of two wickets, with Mark Chilton making 93.

In a spirit of disbelief rather than anything else, last week I wrote:

Prediction time: Very rarely this season has a team stayed at the top for more than a week (and most teams have topped the table at some point). I am therefore going to predict a Hants win over Notts, opening the door for Durham to take the title, whose win will relegate Kent, as Sussex and Yorks play out a draw.

I just wish I’d put some money on it!

Congratulations to Durham, whose mix of local talent and Kolpak experience has taken them to their first title, despite the loss of Paul Collingwood for most of the season and Steve Harmison for parts of it. Commiserations to Notts and to Kent, who were the only ever-present team in Division 1.

[b]Division 2[/b]
The only unfinished business was whether [b]Warwickshire [/b]could take the title and they started with 315 against [b]Glamorgan[/b], despite Adam Shantry taking five wickets. Glamorgan, who have had a much more promising 2008, then subsided to 193, with the 18 year old Chris Woakes taking 6 wickets. Second time round, the Bears made 280, with Shantry taking another five wickets. Not to be outdone, Woakes also took his tally to ten in the match and with Neil Carter taking five wickets Glamorgan made 223 to give Warwickshire a win by 179 runs and the Division 2 title.

[b]Essex’s [/b]title hopes were finished by Warwicks last week, but they put that disappointment behind them to make 510 against bottom club [b]Gloucestershire[/b], Varun Chopra getting his first ton of the season and James Foster continuing his recent good run with another century. Gloucester made just 195 in reply. Second time round a century from Kadeer Ali and an obdurate unbeaten 70 from Steve Snell saw Gloucester to a draw.

[b]Middlesex [/b]have finished the season well and scored 545 for 7 against previously challenging [b]Northamptonshire[/b]. Centuries for Andrew Strauss, Owais Shah and Eoin Morgan, with Monty Panear taking five wickets. Northants made 256 in reply, with Shaun Udal taking 5 wickets and after Middlesex had declared on 171 for 2 second time round, Northants needed 461 to win. A century from Rob White and 95 from Riki Wessels took Northants to within a hundred runs. However, with the last four wickets falling for 6 runs Middlesex ran out victors.

Finally, [b]Derbyshire [/b]opened up with 194 against [b]Leicestershire[/b], Garnett Kruger taking five wickets. In reply, Jake Needham took 6 wickets as Leicester made 208. Derby managed 203 second time round, leaving Leicester needing 193 for victory, which they made with the loss of just 2 wickets thanks to an unbeaten 84 from Boata Dippenaar.

So Warwickshire and Worcestershire go up, while Middlesex must be wondering what would have happened if they had found their end of season form a couple of weeks earlier. At the bottom, Gloucestershire finish winless.

[b]England Player watch[/b]
The last chace to make an impression before the winter tour is announced and centuries for [b]Andrew Strauss, Owais Shah, James Foster [/b]and [b]Adil Rashid [/b]will advance their cases while Eoin Morgan will surely make at least the Lions tour. [b]Ravi Bopara [/b]missed out on the Essex run-fest.

[b]Steve Harmison[/b] took seven wickets, as did [b]Monty Panesar [/b]while [b]Adil Rashid [/b]went two better with nine.

[b]Player of the Week[/b]
All of the important action was in Division 1, so while [b]Chris Woakes [/b]and [b]Adam Shantry [/b]bowled well, the main contenders come from the top flight. Bowling brilliantly to take Durham to the title was [b]Callum Thorp[/b]. However, coming into bat at 80 for 6 with relegation looking certain and marshalling the tail to get to 400, then taking nine wickets to almost force a victory, the Player of the Week is [b]Adil Rashid[/b].

2008 Season Review: Essex

[b]Final placings: [/b]
[b]Championship Division Two - 5th;[/b]
[b]FP Trophy - winners;[/b]
[b]Twenty20 Cup â€" semi finalists;[/b]
[b]Pro40 Division Two - winners[/b]

Essex enjoyed a successful 2008 season, confirming themselves as one of the premier limited overs teams in the country. Unfortunately a similar winning formula continues to evade them in the championship, where they will start 2009 in division two for the eighth time in 10 years of the two division structure.

Promotion should be an achievable target next season, as the county has emerged from a transitional phase. Mark Pettini has had a full year in charge after being handed the reins early on in 2007 and a selection of youngsters can also no longer cite inexperience as a reason for under-performance.

Paul Grayson has made an excellent start as coach and there is every reason to expect One Day success can be transferred to the longer format.

Essex possess a blend of youth and experience that has been complimented by some astute signings. David Masters excelled in coloured clothing, taking 22 wickets at 18.81 in 16 Friends Provident and Pro40 matches, maintaining an economy rate of 3.65.

Chris Wright blossomed late in the season to become the team’s strike bowler, which precipitated the release of Alex Tudor. Jason Gallian did a decent job as opener and has one more year to help develop the burgeoning talent of Tom Westley and Jaik Mickleburgh, who burst on to the scene with fluent half centuries in his first two championship knocks.

Maurice Chambers, Jahid Ahmed and Varun Chopra also showed glimpses of what they can offer in the long term and the youth policy which has provided England with Alastair Cook and Ravi Bopara is clearly in good order.

Bopara was in stunning form this season â€" England’s mystifying preference for Luke Wright is Essex’s gain â€" hitting 1,256 first class runs at 61.85 and 726 List A runs at 66 and a strike rate of 106.92.

Although home-grown players have made significant contributions, Essex’s Kolpak recruits have also been in good form.

Kent nemesis Grant Flower played calm match-winning innings in the Friends Provident final and Pro40 showdown and is an example of a Kolpak player who enriches a county squad. Ryan ten Doeschate falls into the same category, displaying all-round One Day skills that can only help the development of youngsters.

Senior players Graham Napier and James Foster produced some eye-catching performances in front of the TV cameras, although there is much more to both than their respective big hitting and sparkling glovework.

Napier was a reliable opening bowler in all competitions and Foster’s batting continues to be underrated â€" once again a case of England’s loss and Essex’s gain.

The one concern remains the absence of a class strike bowler to compliment cult figure Danish Kaneria. James Middlebrook and injury-plagued Tim Phillips struggled to maintain the spin department in the Pakistani star’s absence and Andre Nel was disappointing as an early season replacement.

The retention of Kaneria is crucial to Essex’s hopes next season, when it will be a case of more of the same, please, with the added bonus of a promotion push.

[b]Player of the season:[/b] Bopara, Masters, Kaneria and ten Doeschate all deserve mentions, but James Foster’s peerless wicket-keeping and consistent run-scoring (1,544 in all competitions) was the most important part of the team’s success.

[b]Most disappointing player:[/b] Westley and Chopra passed fifty only five times between them in 35 first class innings, but their time will come. Alex Tudor never quite delivered during his time at New Writtle Street, although he at least proved his injury problems can be managed.

[b]Highlight:[/b] The seven derby clashes with Kent were all enthralling, with victory in the Friends Provident final standing out.

[b]Lowlight:[/b] Essex and division two champions Warwickshire both won five matches, but were separated by 45 points. Being bowled out for 78 by a poor Glamorgan side at Southend was the prime example of some limp batting displays.

[b]Written by Philip Oliver, a sports writer who blogs about cricket betting.[/b]

2008 Season Review: Hampshire

[b]Final Placings:
County Championship Division One â€" 3rd;
FP Trophy - 4th, South-Eastern Conference;
Twenty20 Cup â€" 4th, South Division;
Pro40 Division One â€" 2nd. [/b]

Hampshire enjoyed a respectable season in 2008 and the final results look quite promising for the future. Indeed it was a season of two halves and it could have been a whole lot worse! In the initial few weeks of the season things looked grim. Dimitri Mascarenhas was away in India or with England more often than not and Chris Tremlett was enduring a frustrating time with injuries yet again, a trend which continued throughout the year. Greg Lamb looked woefully short of being a threatening four day spin bowler, much less a replacement for Shane Warne (8 wickets at 71.37), and he has in fact now been released by the county. The batting was experiencing it’s usual woes, with even the normally reliable John Crawley and Nic Pothas both out of form. Then, Shane Bond (19 at 19.21) got injured and Hampshire were without an overseas player and were missing their entire bowling attack from the previous season, James Bruce and Warne having of course retired, whilst Shaun Udal had switched allegiances.

The Friends Provident Trophy campaign never really got going and Hampshire soon found themselves bottom of the County Championship. Paul Terry parted company with the county and the search for a replacement is ongoing, with Chris Adams high on the list of wanted candidates. The Twenty20 Cup campaign, the finals day of which was held at the Rose Bowl, was less disappointing than usual, with the county only one victory from making the knockout stage. Shane Watson’s failure to show up was a blow, although Ian Harvey did a good job in his absence, with both Michael Lumb and Michael Carberry continuing to show that they are excellent limited overs performers. Nante Hayward was briefly impressive before succumbing to injury and it will be interesting to see if Hawks fans see any more of the South African Kolpak signing next season. In a competition as strong as the South Division though, it was always going to be hard to emerge from the group which contained three of the four semi-finalists and furthermore, the two finalists.

Into the backend of the season and Hampshire were occupying one of the two relegation places in the Championship and it was questionable as to how they could turn it around. Imran Tahir’s arrival as overseas player marked the beginning of the recovery, as did the emergence of spinning allrounder Liam Dawson, who scored his maiden century in the final day victory over Nottinghamshire. The two spinners dominated opposition batting line-ups in the Pro40 competition, sweeping Hampshire to second, Dawson finishing with 11 at 13.72 and Tahir with 12 at 20.33, whilst Billy Taylor also chipped in with an impressive 13 at 15.38. In fact, were it not for the rain, Hampshire would in all likelihood have won the competition, with Sean Ervine finding some late form. Meanwhile, in the four day game, Tahir especially was proving to be a real trump card, as opposition batsmen the land over were bamboozled by his vast array of mysterious deliveries. The Pakistani A leg spinner was definitely key to the revival in Hampshire’s fortunes. Meanwhile, sides continued to struggle with the impressive James Tomlinson, the young left arm seamer, who was consistent throughout the entire season and ended as the divisions top wicket taker, most impressive.

As per usual the main problem with Hampshire was the batting, although at the start of the season the bowling had looked to be the more pressing concern. In the Championship only Nic Pothas (53.5) and Michael Brown (40.86) managed to finish with respectable averages, whilst Michaels’ Lumb (32.72) and Carberry (28.60) continue to fail to transfer their fine limited overs returns into the Championship. John Crawley meanwhile appears to have seen his best days (27.73 from only 9 matches). Only Pothas (3) scored more than one hundred and he also registered the best score (137). Hampshire’s deep batting was once again their saving grace and it is clear where the Hawks need to improve in the future, especially as they mustered only 33 batting points (7th in the division), yet managed 47 bowling points (1st in the division).

The bowling figures do look a lot better for Hampshire, with Tahir (44 at 16.68), Tomlinson (67 at 24.76) and Mascarenhas (41 at 23.82) the stand out performers, though it is worth noting that Tremlett had a disappointing year (27 at 37.0), due to both injury and knock backs from Team England. Between them, Tahir (44) and Bond (19), compensated well for the absence of former captain Shane Warne, whilst Mascarenhas tried to continue the Warne tradition of attacking and playing to win. He was however overly cautious until the end of the season, the game against Lancashire at Old Trafford a prime example of how a crisis of confidence and a mentality of safety first had set in at the club after the poor first half of the season.

[b]Player of the season:[/b]
It would be easy to point to Imran Tahir, as his arrival had such a massive impact, but without the ever dependable [b]Nic Pothas[/b], the county’s highest run scorer, and the consistent wicket taking ability of [b]James Tomlinson[/b], Hampshire would probably have been sunk before his arrival. Those two rightly share the award from this commentator.

[b]Most disappointing player:[/b]
[b]Greg Lamb[/b]. 8 wickets at 71.37 is awful for a spinner, a batting average of 20.92 is a poor average for an allrounder and it is no surprise that the club finally released him early, after he managed just 1 wicket at 102, from 17 overs, in the Pro40 and a 0 from his one innings. He was never going to be a replacement for Warne or Udal as a specialist bowler, but he can not even be called an allrounder unfortunately after this season.

[b]Highlight:[/b] The dramatic low scoring victory over Durham which proved to be a key moment in the season following the victory over Yorkshire, with Sean Ervine crucially hitting 94 not out, as Hampshire recovered from being bowled out for 96 in the first innings and from having slumped to 77 for 5 in their second, to score a winning total of 240-8, beating eventual Championship winners Durham in the process by two wickets. Nail biting stuff.

[b]Lowlight:[/b] Having to wait until mid-June for the first County Championship win, interestingly enough, it was also against Durham. It was probably the result of a loss of leadership, with Warne throwing in the towel just weeks before the start of the season and Mascarenhas gallivanting off to India to join him for a few weeks.

[b]IX of the Season:[/b]

Carberry
Brown
Lumb
Benham
Ervine
Pothas (wk)
Dawson
Mascarenhas (c)
Tremlett
Tahir
Tomlinson

2008 Season Review: Worcestershire

[b]Continuing our season reviews, here is an assesment of Worcestershire's campaign.[/b]
[b][/b]
[b]Championship Division Two â€" 2nd; (2nd)
Friends Provident Trophy â€" 3rd, South West Conference; (Group Stage)
Twenty20 Cup â€" 5th, Mid/West/Wales Division; (Group Stage)
Pro40 Division One â€" 7th (4th)[/b]

Worcestershire began the 2008 season with high hopes of regaining their division one status in the county championship, as well as cementing their place as one the most consistent one day teams in the country.

Boosted by high profile winter signing Simon Jones, as well as the promise of young talents such as Darryl Mitchell, Stephen Moore and Steve Davies being nurtured by the more mature Kabir, Hick and Smith it looked as though the season held real promise.

At the beginning of the campaign Worcestershire found themselves with an Aussie leading the attack, as surprisingly Simon Jones was injured! Steve Magoffin came with a good pedigree from Western Australia, and was filling in for the internationally committed Fidel Edwards. Magoffin bowled manfully, for long spells throughout the start of the season and when he left mid season it was with a respectable 23 wickets at 32.

However, the real early season column inches were being filled by the other two seamers, Kabir and Simon Jones. It was almost a certainty that one or the other would take a five wicket haul every innings, and before injury curtailed Jones’ season he had taken a staggering 42 wickets at just 18.

The other star performer of the early season was Stephen Moore. The first man to reach 500 championship runs (in a really poor season for batsmen all over the country) Moore finished the season with 1288 first class runs at 54 with 5 hundreds. He finally signed a new deal with the club during the season and is now firmly established as one of the finest openers in the country.

As well as Worcestershire’s solid start to the championship campaign there was a more than reasonable attempt at the Friends Provident Trophy. Although the value of this trophy seems to be rated higher than the Pro40 league, it is unlikely that any Worcestershire player would complain too strongly if this early season farce was scrapped. With too many games affected by the weather, this is simply a distraction and a further congestant to the fixture calendar that the players don’t need. With too many dead overs in the middle the game lasts too long and doesn’t make for attractive viewing.

In terms of other domestic one day competitions Worcestershire flattered to deceive again in the T20 cup, and despite possessing such potential stars as Solanki, Hick and Ali Worcestershire just can’t seem to get to grips with twenty over cricket. Again, Hick was the clubs highest run scorer in the competition and this is just one area in which the club will struggle to replace the great man.

Strangely, although having to contest a place in the end of season play off in the Pro40, this was probably the clubs most successful one day competition. It certainly was for one young man, who after an impressive season in championship cricket (698 runs at 38) had a blistering finish to the season in the Pro40. Steve Davies scored 491 runs at 82 in Pro40 and if another good season follows next year an England call up surely cant be too far away.

However, despite all of the seemingly endless one day games Worcestershire marched on in the championship and in an amazing spell won four out of five championship matches, three by ten wickets and the other by an innings. This really was the spell when promotion was clinched for the club.Eventually the club stumbled over the line, hampered by injuries to key players (including, unsurprisingly Jones) and eventually lost the title to rivals Warwickshire.

Funnily enough, this was not the biggest event of the final few weeks of the season. A fairly innocuous 14 made at Kidderminster, ironically the ground where he first came into English cricket, saw the end of the greatest career in the modern game. Graeme Ashley Hick was forced to retire before the end of the season and there is nothing to said really apart from thanks Graeme, and enjoy your retirement because we have certainly enjoyed watching you over the last twenty-odd years. A staggering 64000 runs in all cricket make him the highest run scorer ever, and although he is humble about his achievements now â€" that is the way of the man â€" I am sure one day he will look back and allow his chest to swell just a little with pride about his career at New Road.

So, to the future. Who replaces the great man, and who do Worcestershire need to bring in to survive in the now ultra competitive division one. The batting has looked vulnerable, and Moore will need a couple of new recruits around him to take the pressure off. Spin bowling has been lacking as Gareth Batty’s powers have waned over the last couple of years and the seam department still looks light on the ground, especially with the possibility of Simon Jones breaking down at any moment.

[b]Player of the season:
[/b]Tough to choose between Kabir (59 wickets @ 18.74) or Moore (1288 runs @ 53.66). The fact that Moore carried the batting on his own on more than one occasion gives him the edge.

[b]Most disappointing player:[/b]
Fidel Edwards for not turning up would be the easiest to say, but probably Gareth Batty. 393 runs @ 28 and 25 wickets @ 38 makes pretty poor reading and this is possibly an area for Steve Rhodes to look at. However, he has been bowling on a soggy New Road pitch and may profit from drier grounds such as Hove, Trent Bridge and Taunton.

[b]Highlight:
[/b]Back to back 10 wicket wins in the middle of that purple patch in July confirmed the club were headed for promotion.

[b]Lowlight:[/b]
Difficult to pick one on the playing side, but it would probably be the retirement of the greatest Worcestershire batsman ever. However the club choose to honour him will be fitting, but not only is he one of the greatest cricketers of the modern era, he is a terrific human being, too. A sad loss to our game.

If you're interested in writing a season review for your county (whether or not you contributed to our season prevuews), or writing on anything cricket-related please leave a comment or email it to

India V Australia, the Gavin Robertson curve: McGain

For Australia to win, they must get some wickets out of their spinner.

He does not have to win the series on his own, the quick bowlers are still the main weapons, but Bryce needs to hold his own.

The truth is he is the only person in Australia for the job.

But how do we judge Bryce?

First time in international cricket, playing in India, what is the mathematic equation we use to work out his success or failure?

Mendis and Murali just took 26 and 21 wickets between them against India in Sri Lanka.

McGain is not a mystery spinner or a rubber wristed freak so those numbers are not a possibility.

In a normal 4 test series 16 wickets is par.

0-8 is the Brad Hogg failure, double bogey.

Perish the thought.

If Bryce pulls out a series like this, that might be it for our hero. He may not even last the full series.

The good news about India is that even rubbish spinners like Paul Harris take some wickets there, so Bryce shouldn’t end up in this range.

Brett Lee and Stuart Clark will have to take a lot of wickets for Australia to win, and Clarke and Watson will have to chip in as well.

9-12 the Gavin Robertson curve, bogey.

This is probably where the selectors expect Bryce to finish.

9 wickets is probably the minimum he get can and still line up against the kiwis.

This is still not going to be easy, but Bryce should be at worst in this section, if for no other reason than he is a probing bowler, who will bowl to attacking batsman and Rahul Dravid.

Anil Kumble took 4 wickets against the South Africans in two tests.

If Clarke chips in as well, Australia will at least draw.

16, par.

17-19, the Warne zone, birdie.

In a strange way Bryce is better suited to take on India than Warne.

Most of them will have never faced him, there are no expectations, this is not his final frontier, probing spinners usually do better in India than ripping spinners, and beating McGain is not a priority for India, like beating Warne was.

To get into this group Bryce will have to take more than 4 wickets a test, which sounds so simple and yet is a mountain for a man who has never taken a test wicket.

2 wickets an innings and one haul of 4 or 5 will be the sort of thing that the Australian selectors will hope for from McGain, that will book him New Zealand and probably South Africa at home.

If a first time spinner can get into this zone, Australia shouldn’t lose.

20-24, Ashley Mallet’s place, eagle.

McGain will probably need a bit of luck, and two big hauls for this one.

Looking at all those wickets in one go would be daunting, but in one spell against India A’s top order he took 3 wickets, these days the India A batting is almost as strong as their main teams batting.

McGain books South African and England plane tickets.

Australia win the series.

25+, the Benaud way, hole in one.

It would seem impossible for McGain to do this, but it would have also seemed impossible for a 35 yo IT worker with one season of shield cricket to play for Australia.

McGain will be given the Mornington Peninsula.

Australia win in a massive land slide, India turn on everyone over the age of 30, except his murderousness of sehwagology.

I expect him to get between 12-16, with no five wicket hauls.

I would have expected Casson to get less than 5.

Ofcourse one good haul early on and McGain can get to 20, and make a real difference in the series.

India will go after him, but McGain bowls at his best when players are attacking him, so it should be interesting.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

finger lickin' good

Colville got an exclusive interview for the premier club cock cup today.

At the break between innings Colonel Sanders came in and the discussed secret spices and such.

Colville likes paprika.

It's funny, but even though its club cricket, i cant look away.

Although perhaps i am waiting for Robert Croft's next fat jibe.

I haven't seen a cricket commentator mention players physiques so much since the last time Tony Greig saw a blonde cricketer.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

guest spot

You know how in sit coms when they have a big name cameo actor appear the crowd cheer and applaud in such an over the top manner.

Well go here, and do that.

Ankit runs the free hit, and you may remember him from six and out, he asked me to make a cameo, and how could i resist.

I do love some canned laughter.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

weekly update

Last chance to get your name on the subscription list for this weeks "balls in your box" weekly update. 
Just email cwb@cricketwithballs.com and say, "can i have balls in my box please".
If email is not your bag, you can go to the facebook page and read the update there. 
They wont be balls in your box though. www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

2008 County Awards

While it didn't quite match the sheer last-gasp drama of the 2007 County Championship, the '08 one still had an extraordinary ending, with three sides harbouring hopes of winning it until well into he final game. And, such was the competition's tightness, that Kent went from favourites to being relegated in all of nine days.

Of course, the dreadful weather played a huge pat in ensuring such a tight race. Still, there was much to saviour, with Durham's maiden championship just rewards for a county consisting of quality players from overseas and a plethora of home-grown talent.

(These are based on all county cricket, but with an emphasis on the Championship and especially Division One).

Best player: Hard to look beyond Steve Harmison, though Ravi Bopara comes close. After his humiliation in New Zealand, his comeback was quite stunning. The leading wicket-taker in Division One - perhaps not much of a surprise. But the manner in which he improved his consistency and subtlty to take 35 one-day wickets - no one managed more - was testament to his desire for self-improvement.

Best batsman:
Oddly, no stands out: Mark Ramprakash had a disappointing season by his Herculenean standards, but still finished top of the Division One averages. But Murray Goodwin, a player who oozes class in all he does, deserves the accolade.

Best bowler:
Harmison.

Best performance: Martin van Jaarsveld had what can only be described as the perfect game during Kent's turnaround victory at The Oval. Two unbeaten centuries, leading his side to a testing run-chase victory, and 5/33 with his very occasional offspin. Simply phenomenal.

Most astonishing win: Sussex stealing the Pro40 crown at Trent Bridge, when they required 97 from 10 overs with just two wickets remaining. But in Goodwin, they have a man of exraordinarily cool temperament - as well as all the shots. With Mohammad Sami providing fine support, he got it down to 16 off the last over - and won the title with a final-ball six.

Most influential player: Imran Tahir was an ignominious failure for Yorkshire last season but revitalised Hampshire's season with his leg-spin. 44 wickets at 16 turned a sinking ship into, briefly, title contenders.

Best comeback (1): The season was awash with them, led by Harmison. But, though his season ended in another injury, Simon Jones's 42 scalps - at 18 apiece - showed that he could well still have an England future.

[b]Best comeback (2):[/b] Tony Frost was meant to be on he Warwickshire groundstaff this season. Instead he answered an SOS when Tim Ambrose was wanted by England. He hit 1000 first-runs runs at 83: not too shabby.

Worst overseas signing: Shoaib Akhtar, half-fit and at a five-figure expense for one wicket in two innings defeats. An embarassment, much like the club he played for.

Most under-rated players: Harmison got the plaudits, and rightly so, but Mark Davies and Calum Thorp deserve them too. Starting the season in the Durham 2nds, they took 91 wickets at 18 between them: stunning, and enough to leave one-time England prospects Plunkett and Onions carrying the drinks.

Biggest chockers: Nottinghamshire should have done the double. But Sussex' jaw-dropping snatching of the Pro40 crown, and a feeble collapse against Hampshire, when they were on course to build a decisive first-innings lead, meant they ended with nothing. And Chris Read, so admirable as skipper, will have those believing this is further evidence he is a man who does not relish pressure.

What are your thoughts on this campaign? Share your views by leaving a comment below.

If you're interested in writing a season review for your county, please email it cricketingworld@hotmail.com.

cricket on film

Cricket has never been represented very well on film.

It is not a game that lends itself to the film people say.

I think thats bullshit and no one has ever made a good film about cricket.

And i don't think this film is the film that will change peoples minds, but for people who live cricket and low budget horror, it could do ok.

It's called, "I know how man runs you scored last summer" and is a slasher film with cricket gear.

Go here for the trailer.

Fair chance if you don't like the old ultra violence it may not be for you.

For those interested in a cricket film that i would make, mine would involve a victorian all rounder, drugs, piss, sex, and the media.

I would get Ray Winstone to play Bryce McGain.

Djimon Hounsou to play Dirk Nannes.

And Natalie Portman to play with anything she wants to.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

we're a happy team

I had a piece already to go on Geelong test cricketers after their back to back premierships in the AFL.

Not really, but I was going to write one called test cats.

But Geelong lost the grand final.

So that piece has been changed to test hawks, not really.

Anyway very few Hawthorn cricketers have ever placed cricket for Australia, probably too busy going to private schools and playing soggy biscuit.

But the great Bob Cowper, he of the triple hundred, played for Hawthorn-East Melbourne Club.

And he was pretty damn good.

I could only find 3 more.

Edgar Mayne an opening batsmen who played when Australia had heaps of them, 4 tests. 

Ben Barrett a wicketkeeper with a pretty handy first class record, 4 tests. 

And Keith Rigg a batsman who played 8 tests. 

Another cricket connection for Hawthorn is my hard hitting piece of journalism here.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Scoreboard racism

The last day of the match, where Notts were supposed to win the county championship but instead folded like an origami penguin, was pretty predictable.

My man Dawson, smoked a hundred, Notts top order fell apart, and Sumit (Samit) Patel made runs again.

Then the spinners came on, and Samit tried to hit dawson back over the weird medieval style stand, instead he hit it straight up in the air, and Mascarenhas, who was at mid on, ran back to his right, then to his left, then to his right, then to his left again before taking a great catch just inside the boundary.

He then did a 50 yard dash around the boundary to celebrate.

Everyone was impressed, and in the box the talk turned to how far he had run, some said 30, some said 35, and some said 40.

I said 45, if you counted the right, left, right, left action as well.

And everyone laughed, quite rightly.

Then one reporter asked, rather innocently, if it was Dimi who had taken the catch, 80% were sure it was, but the other 20% were sure it wasn't and they had the scoreboard on their side.

It said Carberry.

Now what one characteristic do Carberry and Dimi share, darker skin pigmentation.

The 20% believed that it was definitely Carberry, and he was using the long sleeves.

I, the most vocal of the 80%, believed it was Dimi, as his number was visible for all 45 yards, and had been fielding at mid on for the whole time including the following overs.

My logic was sound, why would he move himself away from that position after taking that catch, and swap positions with the only other coloured man on the field?

The 20% trusting his instincts, and the scoreboard, called the scorers directly, who in no uncertain terms told him that it was without a shadow of a doubt 100% Carberry.

I quietened up at this point, i was sure it was Dimi, Carberry is a natural athete and moves like one, Dimi is a natural cricketer, and moves like shit, but, the scorers were probably taking more notice than i was, in general i was only watching when my other man Imran Tahir was bowling.

Then the Hampshire reporter called Hampshire directly, apparently they have a bat phone for such an emergency, and guess what, it was fucking Dimi.

I knew it.

There was a waddle to that run that only a cricketer would have.

So i'm not saying the scoreboard attendants are racist, maybe colour blind?www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

don't say the m word you monkey

Robert Key shocked the cricket world by saying the one word that should never be used.

Muppets.

To call a selector, an administracrat, or a pitch inspector a muppet is the single worst word you can use.

Call them cocksuckers.

Compare them to a dildo.

Mention what a massive ass clown they are.

But don't you dare call them muppets.

It's offensive, to muppets.

Robert Key was fined 1250 quid for using them m word, which for an IPL cricketer is the cash you use to light your cigar with, but for someone on key's salary it's serious money, i mean other than pie sponsorship deals and kent, who is going to give him money.

In related news Jim Henson's estate are looking at taking a class action suit out against the ICC, and all major cricket boards for defamation of his characters.

A lawyer for the estate read a prepared statement.

"The muppets are a well loved family entertainment icon, as a brand we would not like them brought down to the standard of any cricket officials, we think this is a grosse injustice, and we are looking into the legalities of these continuing incidents at the moment. "

Rob Key is a smart man though, he knows he has done wrong.

For his part, Key admitted his remarks were "inappropriate and I offer my unreserved apology to all concerned".www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

little butcher takes on big tit colville

Apparently there was a stoush in english cricket between surreys almost former main man, and sky's most irriating piece of bum fluff.

Go here.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Eyelids is drooping

Eyelids Pattinson used to be a roof tiler.

Now he is an English Professional cricketer, so he looks a bit flat.

Read here.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

cricketers in the mist

The hants notts game has been delayed due to fog.

It just hit me, i am really in England.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

something new

I learnt something about cricket today.

The ball doesn't swing in foggy conditions.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

A rumour about Hampshire

This is probably not true.

But.

Apparently Vaughan and Fletcher are going to Hampshire as a package deal.

Imagine that.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Buy a piece of warney

How much would you pay for Warney?

How much would you pay for Yusuf Pathan?

How much would you expect someone to play you for Shane Watson?

Because shortly they may be on the market.

Emerging media, some made up company, is going to be making part of the Rajasthan Royals public.

Like for stock market and such.

I think this is a rubbish idea.

Instead they should list the players individually.

I shouldn’t have to buy Graeme Smith to get a piece of Shane Warne.

That’s obscene.

It did throw up the question of what IPL side you would like to buy.

Because no matter which team I buy there are players I don’t want.

So I wont buy any IPL teams, instead I will wait until Cricket Australia sells of Victoria, that’ll be a lot cheaper anyway.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

just fix it

The McGain shoulder is still not working.

This hurts me, deeply.

He is still yet to bowl a delivery on this tour, and what is it, like 2 days old.

The first test is only so far away.

Tim Neilson isn’t worried, but he is the man who hired Greg Chappell.

Where is Errol Hooter Allcot when you need him?

If he is good enough for Russell, cousin of Martin and Jeff, Crowe, and Shane Warne, then he is almost good enough for Our Bryce.

Hooter can fix anything.

One time in Karachi, Warne’s arm came off in a nasty orgy incident.

He thought his career was over, but Hooter took as tub of Vaseline, bluetack, and a screw driver and put that shoulder back together.

That is the sort of work Bryce needs.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Do you like Samit Patel?

What a stupid question, how could anyone not like Samit.

He’s little.

He’s pudgy.

He’s good.

He smiles a lot.

But Durham fans could probably do without him right now.

When he came in, Hampshire were on top, and Durham, and probably Somerset were thinking they were a chance.

Then Samit waddled in.

Firstly he took apart Imran Tahir, who made it easy by bowling like an English leg spinner.

They he took apart every other trundler Hants put up.

His 70 was run a ball, and when you are chasing 203, that is it, game over man.

Patel’s batting was cavalier and also had a touch of, hey harmy kiss my ass to it.

Every time I see Samit he gets better.

In fact every time I see him live he plays a shit hot game, the dude should employ me.

I saw him take apart South Africa in two one dayers.

I saw him smash a hundred against Surrey.

And now this.

I wonder if 5% of his match fee is too much.

Either way, the county championship has found it’s winner.

All hail Notts, the team that Eyelids carried.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Imran, take a bow you alice banded freak

Sorry Durham fans, I jumped the gun.

I had already written off Imran Tahir.

In my defence i would like to say that i was completely justified, he was bowling garbage.

Rancid lettuce, stinky tomatoes, fermented mayonnaise, decaying bananas, you know, garbage.

Then he bowled a spell that would have given a nun a hot flush, a eunuch a stiffy, a republican a reason to use their gun, had any of them understood leg spin.

Not udnerstood, dug legspin, i mean raelly feel legspin.

The sort of person who teaches his girlfriend leg spin with an apple.

If you had some a deep emotional and sexual connection with leg spin Tahir's spell was free hardcore porn with no download limits.

Wrong uns, flippers, toppies, and sliders were all used, and he took Notts from championship to calamity.

Twas a beautiful moment.

Swanny had a top spinner so vicious if it were a cobra he would be dead.

Mark Ealham missed a flipper that made Clarrie Grimmett want to come back from the dead mount Tahir from behind and then bowl at the other end.

Andre Adams didn’t even get a chance to get angry as he missed a wrong un so delicious you could taste it.

If Mark Nicholas were here, he would have judged it britians top meal.

And Eyelids was just not up to the magic as another perfectly placed wrong un cannoned into the stumps like a thirsty child jumping into a lake in the desert.

It was like watching a how to bowl leg spin and fuck people over video.

Once Patel was out, that was it, the genie came out of the bottle wearing high heels and no knickers.

Tahir excited me more in 4 overs than Danish Kaneria has in his whole career.

This spell was the equivalent of heroin for an addict, or a willing 12 year old boy for a priest.

Imran, it has been a while since I have done this, but you deserve it.
www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Sportsfreak watches the news

Sportsfreak is angry. 
BUt really i only posted this call he called cwb the world's leading cricket blog.
The main evening news and TV3 has a chilling revelation for us. But did they really? For the great unwashed, we provide balance to one the most misleading and cynically worded items ever to lead a National News bulletin.

The “exclusive” is to be found here. You can also download the video, but that really is not the best way to treat your bandwidth limit.

“In a chilling revelation, the Black Caps have revealed that they were due to stay at Islamabad's Marriott Hotel last weekend.”

OK, this is the crux of the story. But for the grace of the New Zealand Professional Cricketers’ Association, our players would have lost their lives last weekend had the ICC Champions Trophy gone ahead.

Big news indeed, except that is not actually the case, as the item later goes on to admit in a carefully worded roundabout kind of way.

"From all reports we were going to be at that hotel that weekend in the original draft of the Champions Trophy," Black Caps' Kyle Mills said. "

From all reports? Only from all reports that were out of date. Islamabad was taken off the schedule a good month before the trophy was cancelled. 

Therefore, that immediately makes the first sentence misleading to say the least. That is the sort of comment that would get you censured by a Parliamentary Privileges Committee, because later events superseded it. And Kyle Mills, being the brother of Heath Mills; players' association representative would be perfectly aware of that. 

However, the fact that Islamabad was only ever on the original schedule, and the family ties with the random Black Cap making these comments were brushed over.

Predictably, the item then went on to some more strange spin
"Pakistan tried to ease security concerns by scrapping the Rawalpindi cricket ground, near Islamabad, as a venue. However, it is understood that the real reason was that the ground simply was not up to scratch."It is understood that the ground wasn’t up to scratch? By whom?? 

The Pakistan Cricket Board was desperate to host this, and was prepared to make all sorts of concessions to appease Western fears and superstitions to continue hosting this. There was even the symbolic offer to change the start date of the tournament. 

On no cricket site, official or otherwise, has there ever been any indication that the Rawalpindi ground was not up to scratch. In fact, the pitch has always been considered a bit of a road, which suits ODIs perfectly. And when the change of schedule was announced the reasons were clear, logical and security related.

In any case, what relevance does that have to the initial “chilling revelation”?

But wait, there’s more. 

The hotel was was (sic) a popular meeting place for westerners and a terrorism expert says it is possible that the Black Caps and other teams scheduled to stay at the hotel were the original targets.

Here, TV3 dramatically jumps the shark. The notion that Pakistan bombs kill Westerners, Indian bombs kill anyone is now widely used as a counter-thrust to the perception by many that there are some serious double-standards going on with regards to the Players Associations in the west treat terrorism in India and Pakistan so differently. Remember that the money in Indian cricket these days is astronomical. 

As the world’s leading cricket blog so eloquently noted it's hard to hear bombs while you are counting your money. 

But for an (unnamed) terrorism expert to say that it is possible that the Black Caps were the original target is really stretching it. Remember that Rawilpindi was removed as a venue as for back as 11th August; 6 weeks before the bombings took place.

We are not suggesting that TV3 was trying to promote a theory that the terrorists live in remote caves and have little contact with the outside world, but it comes across a bit that way.

The item concluded with young Tim Southee being put up as a spokesman for the players. The imagery here was of the fresh, innocent face of NZ Cricket, who has made only one trip abroad fearing for his future. More subtle, but still pretty cynical.

No-one is saying that the ICC Trophy should not have been postponed. Pakistan is clearly a dangerous country, and the resignation of Musharaf in the week leading up to the postponement made it even more so.

But such emotional and inaccurate piece, based on some major leaps of logic is tawdry reporting, and does nothing to help the state of international cricket or the reputation of the New Zealand media.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Give Panesar some slack

There seems to be a consensus currently that Monty Panesar is treading on thin ice. That if he doesn't perform in India he should be dropped. That his record against India is poor and that Swann might do a better job. There is some sense in these views and evidence to back them up. However, I would contend that Panesar is still a top Test spinner, whose best years are certainly yet to come, and that England would be insane to drop him.

I have read numerous articles of late that suggest Panesar had an average summer for England and that his powers are waning. Having watched virtually every delivery of the series against South Africa I would refute this charge very strongly. Panesar, like all the bowlers in the series, was asked to toil on some very batting friendly pitches. This he did, ending up the third highest wicket-taker in the series, with the second best average and and excellent economy rate.

But for some very negative batting by South Africa, dropped catches, missed stumpings and atrocious umpiring Panesar could easily have ended the series with twice the number of wickets and a match-winning haul in the decisive third Test. That he didn't is the nature of cricket, but to accuse him of having an average series is grossly unfair.

It is fact that Panesar's record against India is poor. They have been his toughest opposition in his short Test career - the only team to force his average above 38, raising it to a massive 55. This is a huge hike when compared to his overall Test average of 31.95. However, it is worth remembering that the 6 matches Panesar has played against India included his first ever Test series, in India, and a home series that was dominated by the bat. In that series in England only seamer friendly conditions at Trent Bridge allowed either team to force a result, with India winning it and the series (1-0).

It is fair to say that Panesar has struggled against India, but he is not alone in that. A certain Shane Warne has a record little better against the Indians. Over 14 Tests versus India, Warne managed to take just 43 wickets at an awful average of 47.18, with an economy rate of 3.10 and a strike rate of 91.2. The great leg spinner only managed one 5 wicket haul against India, despite his constant attacking.

The truth is India play spin brilliantly. They are nurtured against slow bowlers, mastering the required technique, even when playing the best, such as Warne and Murali (whose average in India is just 39.58). To expect a finger spinner such as Panesar to do better in India than the likes of Warne and Muralitharan is madness. Yet, it seems that that is what Monty must do if he is to retain his Test place according to many critics.

Surely, it is better to expect Panesar to bowl as well as he can and hope that in doing so he helps England to perform well in what is traditionally their second toughest tour. Without the pressure of unrealistic expectations Monty might just surprise everyone and get the better of India's spin masters.

Athers watching

Something weird happened to me in the press box yesterday.

As it was the main match, the heavy hitters of the print media were in the box.

Angus Fraser.

Derek Pringle.

And Michael Atherton.

Like several of the old timers, the young uns shut up and watch the cricket most of the time, they were involved in several loud conversations.

That was fine, and you know that they say about the press box, what happens in the press box, ends up in a tell all book.

Not in a blog.

But what really caught my eye, sorry ear, was everytime Atherton spoke I kept looking up at the TV to see what he was talking about.

I am so used to hearing him on the telly, that his voice automatically made me look at the tv, even though I was watching the game live.

It was spooky.

And also lucky i never, oh for fucks sake athers you couldn't captain anyway.

That may not have gone over well.

I will say this, Athers is a lot more entertaining just speaking casually in a press box than he is commentating.

Which pisses me off, I wish people would be entertaining when they are paid to entertain, instead of being careful commenbots.

Not as good as Probots, but trent bridge is not the most inspiring place, although the stands are fucking amazing.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Player Discussion : Rahul Dravid : Cracks in the wall?

Author: dips_decemberSubject: Rahul Dravid : Cracks in the wall?Posted: 25 September 2008 at 4:48amRahul Dravid has been one of india's most reliable batsmen for  the last decade or so. He has been nicknamed 'The Wall' for his rock solid technique but his recent records are really worrying and showing signs of rapid decline. Since giving up captaincy his average has dropped drastically to 33 and his overall career average has dropped from 57 to 53. Here are some stats showing that crickas may have developed in the wall..  Surprisingly, ever since Dravid has relinquished Test captaincy in a controversial manner in 2007, his performance has gone from bad to worse. The table below shows that his average has dipped to 34, quite ordinary going by Dravid's high standard over the years. MtsInnsNORunsAvgHS100s50s0sBefore becoming full-time captain9115318787158.3027020385During full-time captaincy stint20365159851.551464100Since relinquishing captaincy1325375434.27111140My question is, what's wrong with the Wall? Surely one cant lose his talent overnight but nothing seems to be going right fo him. Edited by dips_december - Today at 4:49am

Hampshire learnt from the master

Shane Warne is no longer pulling the strings for Hampshire.

He is off playing poker and other games for cash.

But Hampshire know poker to.

They know the bluff.

Imran Tahir, whom I expressed some manlove for yesterday, had supposedly gone back to South Africa to play for the titans, ruling him out of the championship deciding clash with Notts.

It had been widely reported and the source was Hampshire.

Newspapers and online.

Even last night Pothas had told the media that Tahir was in South Africa.

He clearly wasn’t.

As he is playing today.

It was a nice bit of gamesmanship, although it may count for nothing as their top order has folded like a napkin.

Well played Hampshire, well not the cricket, in that you are rubbish.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

delightfully exquistite

The English will know this, but for the rest of the world I will update you on Mr delightful, Mark Nicholas.

He is hosting a show called Britain’s best meal.

And he is just as irritating, and never stops moving when he is talking.

At one stage he looked as if he was going to break into an Elaine dancing bit as he discussed the “competition”.

The show is undoubtedly a runaway hit as it seems to show at about 5 o’clock, just after they go off for bad light.

In the show members of the general public battle against each other for titles such as best pudding.

True story.

It is a weirdly gay English mash up of the iron chef, pop idol and ready steady cook.

Mark Nicholas looks uncomfortable as the host, and didn’t even pop out a delightful or exquisite on the episode I saw.

The whole thing made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

I don’t like Nicholas, but this seemed like cruel and unusual torture.

Then I stopped feeling sorry for him when he built up the battle of the puddings like it was Warne V Lara.

I may never be able to take him seriously as a commentator again.

Ok that is taking it a bit far, as it implies I once did.

The good news he moved his customary anal licking speech over to the amateur chefs.

Glad to know his tongue isn't permanently up Shane Warne or Adam Gilchrist's back passage.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

India V Australia, this time it’s congenital: form

The series is coming.

Which is damned lucky, because we all need some cricket to talk about, I almost talked about phone companies in the carribean I was so bored.

I will take a detailed look at this series, probably.

Lets start with recent form.

Australia’s last three series:

Last 9 test 6-1-2

V West Indies away 2-0

Was a lacklusture series in general, although this West Indies team is getting better and better.

Australia did what they had to do to win.

They found out that they had 2 bowlers, but that those 2 bowlers are hot to trot.

Beau Casson was tried, but it was way too early, perhaps when he is 36.

V India home 2-1

Australia never really looked like losing the series, but they didn't really win convincingly either.

They found out they could still win a long series, with a rookie bowler and a one day spinner.

Perth was seen as a landmark for India, but in truth the pitch was way slower and lower than normal and India had the better swing bowlers.

Was a good series to see who worked and who didn’t.

V Sri Lanka home 2-0

Watching the first test match and a half it looked as if Australia weren’t going to miss Warne, McGrath, Martyn and Langer too much.

Then Kumar took over, and showed the world that while they still might be good, they do miss match winning bowlers.

Good series to blood rookies, Johnson looked ok and Jacques looked shit hot.

India’s last three tests

10-3-5-2

V Sri Lanka away 1-2

Ran into Mendis, but that is only a quarter of the tale.

Murali was another, between them they took 47 wickets in three tests, as Ganguly, Tendulkar, and Dravid scored one half century between them.

The other half was there bowlers, the one test they won was on the back of Bhaji taking 10 wickets, in the other two test he took 6 wickets.

His 16 wickets were double any of his team mates.

V South Africa home 1-1

Played out a draw in the first test, got onto a greenish track and shit themselves for the second, and fought back well in the third.

Take out Bhaji, and yet again no one took more than 6 wickets (sehwag), but the series continued to show they like to come from behind.

Paul Harris took more wickets than Kumble.

V Austalia away 1-2

Were not ready for Melbourne, had bad luck in Sydney, fought back in Perth, and played out a boring draw in Adelaide.

Wasn’t until Perth they got selection right, then got their selection right as Australia got theirs wrong, and a Perth pitch that suited their bowling.

Yuvraj and Dhoni didn’t look upto test cricket, Sharma and RP did.

India knew they couldn’t live without Sehwag, and knew Pathan was better in than out.

Summation.

They say winning form is good form, Australia have it, India don't.

The truth is more complicated, Australia may still be winning, but they haven't found the post superstar groove yet.

India may be losing (drawing) but perhaps if they won the first test in a series just once they would be better served.

On form you would have to go Australia, but not by a long way, after all, Mendis form cannot be trusted.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Can you believe?

Will over at the corridor doesn't know who Bryce McGain is.

This is the guy that often gets called Englands hottest young cricket writer.

He has been voted the sexiest cricket scribe by Henry Blofeld four years in a row.

How could anyone not know who Cricket With Balls Bryce McGain is.

Surely by now when people have dinner he pops into the conversation at least 7 times.

I cannot believe it.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Conspiracy?

Chuck berry has left Victoria amicably.

Or so it seems.

I have discovered a pattern to Australia cricket that is so diabolical it can only be talked about here, where no one reads.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

greg chappell india's secret weapon

India are taking this tour seriously.

Australia aren't.

Want proof. India has employed Greg Chappell to sabotage Australia's planning for the series.

How?

By being involved in said planning.

The Indian's know what a destructive influence he will be, so they have "sent him back" and then got him a job with the enemy.

Like Australia don’t have enough problems.

Roy is out.

Watson may be in.

Michael Clarke still exists.

Greg may be a feather too far.

Thankfully Bryce is there too even it all out for the Australians.

What is the sudden obsession with Greg Chappell anyway.

Who does he have naked photos of?

Is it you James?

Just let Greg put the photos of you and the german shepherd up on the internet and let him find a real job.

Because, as Australians, we would prefer if the Australian team won this series, and with Greg around, winning never seems that easy.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

Imran everywahir

Danish Kaneria is sort of like Monty.

No not because they are both brown.

No not because they are both people who follow religions that are very Indian.

That they are both pretty boring to watch.

For Monty it is ok, because he is an English spinner, and that is what we expect.

But for Danish this is a huge crime.

Being a boring pakistani spinner is like being a straight and sober child of a celebrity in America.

It is not right.

Especially when there is a more exciting Pakisani leggie with a slightly better first class record and a brooding look.

Meet Imran Tahir.

You may know him from, Hampshire, Lahore, Middlesex, Pakistan A, Redco Pakistan Ltd, Staffordshire, Sui Gas Corporation of Pakistan, Titans, Water and Power Development Authority, or Yorkshire.

As these are his first class teams.

Imran is what is known in sporting parlances as a journeyman.

We prefer to think of him as a well travelled gentleman with an alice band and a killer wrong un.

Don't get us wrong Imran is no Mushie or Qadir, but he has a swagger, and he has a certain sumtin sumtin that you can't help but like.

I don't even call him a girl because of the head band.

I have only seen him play for Hampshire, which obviously shouldn't count for too much, as leg spinners succeed like welathy men in brothels in England.

Then again Kaniera has never looked that potent in county cricket.

For whatever reason Imran has never sought fame or glory by playing for pakistan, instead he has traveled the globe for a quid.

If Imran comes back to England next year I want to interview him, i want to know why he has chosen paltry pay as a professional first class cricketer, when he could be playing for his country, and making sure Kaniera doesn't annoy us.

Pakistan obviously don't rate form in county cricket, otherwise Mushie would have been reinstated and given a ton of virgins for his trouble.

Now that Mushie is gone, Tahir is the best Pakistani legspinner that i know of.

And instead of playing for pakistan, well assuming they still play, he is playing for something called a titan in the Evil Empire.

Such a shame.

Kaniera has never been written about on this site before, a leg spinner, on this site, from Pakistan.

This just shows what a colossal bore he is.

Danish, superstar that he is, has his own website, go here for the "your questions" section.

Things i learnt about Danish in this hard hitting section.

Salman Butt is married now.

And Danish enjoys Emirates, because he has travelled with them alot.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

victoria beat kiwi a

Australia A had a little splutter in the first "a" game against the kiwis.

Victoria made sure this was a one off.

Cameron White did what no kiwi thought he could ever do, he took four wickets and triggered a collapse that led to a decimation.

When the big bear, named so after his likeness to the bundaberg rum bear dear googler, was finished with his 4 wickets, he passed the baton.

And who was there to pick it up?

Future PM David Hussey.

And he took that fucker and he ran and ran.

78 of 56 balls, which is a little slow for him, but he did have a dead weight at the other end dragging him down.

Australia will now play India in the final after the great Yusuf Pathan made 148 batting at 7.

Should be a great game, ofcourse it won't be televised, bastards.

Would be very satisfying for the big bear, New Zealand was where his international career hit the skids when he bowled extremely short spells that were mostly down the legside.

Most importantly he is taking wickets again, like he did when we thought he could be a leg spinner.

Imagine that.www.cricketwithballs.com... Aussie Haiku straight to your box

All competing for one vacancy!

The Irani trophy will be a showcase of talent, but to what end? Only one place in the side is open, it seems, that of Ganguly.

2008 Season Review: Surrey

[b]Final placings: [/b]
[b]Championship Division One - 9th; [/b]
[b]FP Trophy - 4th, South-eastern Conference; [/b]
[b]Twenty20 Cup â€" 6th, South Division; [/b]
[b]Pro40 Division Two - 5th[/b]

Amidst the fallout following one of the worst seasons in Surrey’s history and all the psychobabble, the fairest summation of the club’s state came, perhaps surprisingly, from skipper Mark Butcher. He said simply “it is probably a year overdue for us”.

Surrey finished fourth last year â€" and, given that they were as good as anyone in the second half of the season, notions of a title challenge did not seem so fanciful. But of course they were. For their resurgent end to the 2007 season owed an extraordinary amount to the brilliance of Mark Ramprakash and Harbhajan Singh. Patently, gaping problems remained within the side. Just no one seemed willing to recognise them. Surrey had this awful season coming to them, with the lessons of last season and their ’05 relegation unlearnt. Essentially, the side who won eight trophies between 1996 and 2003 have just kept getting older, with young players lacking in ability, attitude, or both.

The most fundamental problem with this side was their hopelessly ineffective bowling attack. Failing to take twenty wickets in any of their 15 games is the most damning of statistics. New signing Pedro Collins was too inconsistent; Chris Jordan likewise as he suffered from second-season syndrome. James Ormond began the season leaner and with renewed nip. But the awarding of a new contract on the back of a few encouraging weeks is a further indictment of the whole Surrey set-up: what sort of message does it send that 13 first-class wickets at 43 are sufficient for a new deal?

Hopelessly bereft of penetration, Surrey succeeded in embarrassing themselves further with the disastrous locum recruit of Shoaib Akhtar. But they were doomed when he arrived. A bigger reason for their relegation was the utter ineffectuality of overseas bowler Matt Nicholson. Though he has retired from Australian state cricket, Surrey, in their desperation, signed him up. But 11 wickets at 57 from nine championship games is an appalling return for an ‘overseas star’, for all his admirable batting.

Star winter signing Saqlain Mushtaq began encouragingly; but, like so many of the ‘golden generation’, his best years have gone. In truth, he did better than expected to finish with 38 championship wickets (11 more than the next best) but failed to provide the late-season inspiration Harbhajan had delivered a year previously. Unfortunately, Chris Schofield’s season was decimated through injury, one mitigating circumstance in the atrocious Twenty20 Cup campaign. Once masters of the game, Surrey lacked regular six-hitters and canny bowlers alike. Their near-complete reliance on locum Abdul Razzaq for inspiration was embarrassing.

Butcher’s injury woes, coming just after a return to the opening position and a superlative run of form, evoked ‘Four More Weeks’, Ramprakash’s 2005 diary named after Butcher’s pronouncements whenever asked about the date of his comeback.

Surrey had made a reasonable enough start to the campaign, drawing their first five games, with their batting unit looking better than for several seasons. Butcher’s injury severely weakened that, while Ramprakash struggled as captain â€" immersed in his quest to reach his 100th century, and frustrated with such an impotent bowling attack. Alan Butcher has correctly been removed as coach; his son will probably lose his job likewise, provided that a satisfactory replacement can be found. Indicative of the lack of forward thinking at The Oval, any new skipper would have to be recruited externally.

Surrey actually claimed more batting points than at least five sides in Division One â€" although this is a somewhat deceptive statistic, given their penchant for collapsing brainlessly under pressure. The most pathetic such instance was in the crucial game against Kent. Cruising at 53/0 in their second innings, with an overall lead of 177, they somehow conspired to lose their last ten wickets on a sunny day and a docile track for 80, with the very occasional spin of Martin van Jaarsveld claiming his first ever five-wicket haul.

There seems a collective failure to score runs under pressure, Ramprakash excepted. Scott Newman at least managed two hundreds, while Usman Afzaal’s average of 45 was hard to argue with, but Jon Batty had his worst season for several years and had to be moved down from opener. The collective efforts of the next generation â€" Stewart Walters, Chris Murtagh and James Benning â€" were woeful, though at least Matt Spriegel showed a certain amount of resilience.

Surrey’s one-day exploits were slightly more encouraging than their County Championship and Twenty20 efforts, thanks largely to Jade Dernbach. A true wicket-taker, the seamer claimed 23 scalps in the eight Pro40 games thanks to movement and aggression. Add in a Championship six-wicket haul and he was the nearest to a ‘positive’ from the calamitous season.

It is axiomatic that Surrey are a club in need of big changes, with the appointment of Graham Thorpe as batting coach appearing a shrewd start. But years of muddled thinking and short-termism will not be easy to rectify, especially with so many serial under-performers still contracted.

[b]Player of the season:[/b]
Ask a stupid question. The gap between his 99th and 100th first-class centuries â€" the result of age-old mental frailties, say his critics; a broken bat, says the man himself â€" may have been agonising, but either side Mark Ramprakash was as good as the ’06 and ’07 player who averaged 100. Six hundreds in Division One, in the weakest side, by far: tremendous by any criteria.

[b]Most disappointing player:
[/b]Where to start? Shoaib Akhtar would be an obvious candidate, but it would be unfair to scapegoat a man who played only two games. While a plethora of ‘promising youngsters’ flattered to deceive, the experienced West Indian left-armer Pedro Collins singularly failed to impress. Too wayward, too often.

[b]Highlight:[/b] Off-field finances have never been better; the story was rather less satisfactory on the pitch. The Butcher-Nicholson double-century stand against Yorkshire was perhaps as good as it got. Butcher’s stroke-play was spectacular, better than at any point since his England days â€" but he was injured almost immediately afterwards.

[b]Lowlight:[/b] No shortage of options, clearly. But two consecutive home innings defeat constituted an aptly pathetic end to a season in which Surrey were perhaps the worst county in the country.

[b]How can Surrey end their slump? Share your views by leaving a comment below. [/b]

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