i don't want your opinion, i want the facts, which are based on your opinions

The rules on reviews are insane, and could only have been invented by cricket administracrats.

3. The process of consultation
3.1. On receipt of an eligible and timely request for a review, the on-field umpire will make the sign of a television with his hands in the normal way.

"That's a TV sign, I thought it was a square, although I should have noticed that the clarity and shape has changed in recent years."

3.2. He will initiate communication with the TV umpire by confirming the decision that has been made and that the player has requested a review.

"Hey num nuts, are you awake, I gave out, which you may not have noticed from the lifting on my index finger above my head".

3.3. The TV umpire must then work alone, independent of outside help or comment, other than when consulting the on-field umpire.

"Independent of all people, except the person who made the first decision. ?"

3.4. A two-way consultation process should begin to investigate whether there is anything that the TV umpire can see or hear which would indicate that the on-field umpire should change his decision.

"Things an umpire may hear, oh fuck I nicked it, Ganguly you cheating mofo, or he was very gentle until he got a set of keys out".

3.5. This consultation should be on points of fact, where possible phrased in a manner leading to yes or no answers. Questions requiring a series of judgements, such as "do you think the ball was going on to hit the wicket?" are to be avoided.

"Does my bum look big in this, bad. From what you can see or hear, under law 3.2, is the bum larger than 37.3 inches, good."

3.6. However, the TV umpire shall not withhold any factual information which may help in the decision making process, even if the information is not directly prompted by the on-field umpire's questions. In particular, in reviewing a dismissal, the TV umpire may notify the on-field umpire of conclusive evidence of other modes of dismissal, beyond that initially reviewed.

"You are correct it did hot outside the line, however it hit the bat outside the line, and then was caught at slip you dim witted fucktard".

3.7. The TV umpire should initially check whether the delivery is fair under Law 24.5 ('fair delivery - the feet') and under Clause 42.4.2(a) ('full toss passing above waist height'), where appropriate advising the on-field umpire accordingly.

"The third umpire is also to become a human Cyclops machine, but he does not have to reproduce the beep noise that annoying machine used to make".

3.8. If despite the available technology, the TV umpire is unable to answer with certainty or with reasonable confidence a particular question posed by the on-field umpire, then he should report that the replays are 'inconclusive'. The TV umpire should not give answers conveying likelihoods or probabilities.

"Reasonable Confidence, use it in a sentence please, I am reasonably confident that the benefit of the doubt should be applied in this review process."

3.9. The on-field umpire must then make his decision based on those factual questions that were answered by the TV umpire, any other factual information offered by the TV umpire and his recollection and opinion of the original incident.

"Should I overrule my original decision and look like a fool, or not overrule it and look like a pompous ass clown".

3.10. The on-field umpire will reverse his decision if the nature of the supplementary information received from the TV umpire when combined with his own recollection and opinion makes it appropriate for him to do so. He must be satisfied with any decision that he makes, since the responsibility for the decision remains with him.

"We all want to be satisfied."

What percentage of decisions ill be upheld during the review process?

I'm guessing, 18%.

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