KP & I

I think I have KP worked out.

This means one of two things, I too am a pretentious wanker who can annoy at first glance, or, somehow through my deep analysis of South Africans I have discovered what makes them tick.

I’m going with the former.

Let’s look at what we know about KP.

In South Africa he was generally ignored and quotaed against, whilst he thought everyone should talk about him, praise him and lick the grey sticky bits from outta his toes.

Goes to England and kicks ass like a German heavy metal band.

Finally gets into the one day side, plays his old country and treats them like a cheating husband caught on an anniversary with an uncomfortable looking goat.

Then everyone says, well KP, you’re a slogger, and your hairstyle makes us think of Vanilla Ice, so we don’t think we can pick you.

He responds by putting Australia over his knee and giving them the biggest non Lara Spanking in a long time.

Then whilst people are still doubting his technique, he plays across the line to much, he charges to much, he is way too confident to play for England too much, he smotes his way around the world.

What follows next is acceptance, is admiration, is why can’t we have a KP?

Which makes him think the world actually likes him, and a form slump follows.

You see KP needs to be hated, it is the very core of the man.

What else could explain the hair do, the friendship with Warney, the country of birth and the constant unnecessary charging of bowlers.

It’s either he needs to be hated, or he has a little wiener.

What has happened recently, the press have finally started covering his form slump, which was one that Graeme Smith or Mark Taylor would be proud of.

Suddenly, like a washed up rock star with a sampled track on the radio he dusted off his tight pants and made his way back to the stage.

His innings, which further illustrates how much better he is than anyone born in England, was the innings of a true test type test playing test understanding batsman.

Who knew.

But now how do the England keep him perennially thinking that his spot is in jeopardy and that no one likes him.

Actually scratch that, if anyone can do it, the English press can.

They can turn a previously well structured man into Steve Harmison.

Although with steve the well structured bit is probably not true.www.cricketwithballs.com "Sign our David Hussey petition"