Jesus, Moses, Madonna, and Paris Hilton are out, Sehwag is in

I’m not an expert on global politics, free markets, terrorism, or why people watch reality TV.

But I do know that all these things pale into insignificance when compared to Virender Sehwag’s innings.

Natalie Portman turns ugly.

George Clooney loses charm.

Dubya Bush makes sense.

Britney Spears puts knickers on.

And Tony Greig is palatable after this innings.

It is the sort of innings that could turn Amelie Muaresmo straight and keep Warnie’s pee pee in his pants.

If it were a hot woman, you could not only not score with it, that if you were in the same room, your tool would melt.

It could start and end wars.

Upon viewing it Aliens would be afraid to invade.

If you had the colt 45 cocked and pointed at your mouth you would put it down and pick up a cricket bat.

Sehwag batted so well the earth started spinning in other directions.

No one has been this unkind to the saffers since Muhummad Ali turned his back on a young Barry Richards.

When the Africans were killed by tribes of Zulu’s it was nowhere near this brutal.

Batting at the other end was not a spectator sport, but a voyeuristic thrill ride through the realms of batting thought beyond those of mere mortals.

It was so good, there was a good 15 seconds when Sunil gavaskar didn’t bag white people, Bishen Bedi didn’t accuse everyone of being a chucker, and Navjot Sidhu made sense.

Yoko Ono and Paul McCartney had intercourse during his third hundred.

Palestinians invited Israelis around for a beer after a particular over of Ntini.

Anna Nicole Smith can back from the dead to give an Interview for ET, during the tea interval for maximum exposure.

Michael Moore went down on Dick Cheney. Nothing to do with Sehwag, just wanted to see if it was his bag.

The spice girls split up, after a fight over who would get to sleep with Sehwag.

Tom Cruise became a Sehwagologist.

And you know what, so should you.

We all should, I’m assuming all it takes is a little friar tuck action, a rotund little figure, balls the size of Jupiter and a touch of owls blood.

Join Sehwagology, its cheaper than other religions, twice as cool, and comes with it's own action hero.

309 off 292, put the kids to bed woman, we have business to attend to.www.cricketwithballs.com "Prctice Sehwagology and kill the Probots"