KP’s first team meeting

KP: Hello Everyone, what’s my name?

Everyone: KP.

KP: Good, ok team tactics, play like me, at all times, I want you to look good, be confident, groom yourself well, and have an uptight swagger.

Everyone: Ok.

KP: What’s my name?

Everyone: KP.

KP: Nice, Ryan, you’ll need a hair cut if you want to bowl.

Jimmy, ever thought of an accent.

Cooky, go easy on the eye make up, don’t wanna upstage me now.

Belly, keep playing as usual, no threat there.

Ravi and Owais due to my quota system you have missed out and two South African Englishman will be brought in.

Luke, I want you to bat stoically, really knuckle in, no big shots.

Swanny, your playing as a batsman, I’ll take your overs.

Broady, you’ll bat at 3.

And Timmy, your doing super.

In the field I want you to be alert, but not alarmed, if the ball is not in play, I want your eyes on me.

When I do something good, I want a minimum of 3 players to come over and pat my back.

Also if grass or dirt get on my clothes I want someone to subtley brush it off in the form of a back slap.

Instead of saying come on chaps, or let’s go England, I wanna hear come on KP’s men.

The game will go like this, I will win the toss, and we will bat, you will let me come in at the 11 over mark.

I will do my thing, and we will make between 380 and 400. I will do a quick press conference about being the first batsman to make a one day double tonne.

During the break Wrighty and Broady you will peel grapes and wash me.

Thoroughly.

In the field I will bowl the over after each wicket.

So if Ryan takes a wicket first over, I will bowl the second, excellent.

After our victory I will give a few more press conferences and talk about how much it means for me to play with South, England.

Good, ok, now I have organised a team bonding session at a day spa, they will be doing hair, nails, and skin care.

Remember boys, this is your nation your playing for, but today I want you to play for something way more important, me.

What’s my name?

Everyone: KP.

KP: Damn skippy.www.cricketwithballs.com

Now with new proper english lady blogger.