Michael Vaughn is currently on 60 odd not out.
But he is still not the Vaughn of old.
You may remember that Vaughn, the one who commanded the crease.
Who took apart bowling attacks.
Who batted like Carl Perkins would have.
Today he batted like he was constipated, like me after a week of cheesey indulgence.
I think I know what his problem is.
His constipation is not caused by too much dairy, but by the fact that the whole sky sports team seems wedged up his back passage.
Imagine playing a cover drive with bumble and Nasser in your anus.
Exactly.
But he has scratched and clawed his way to a promising start, and he is getting more used to the constipation as time goes by.
He still isn’t flowing freely, but he is floating instead of sinking.
The rest of the England team have been much more miserable.
I knew it was going to be a frustrating day when KP stated, in an incredibly long winded pre game interview, that he didn’t believe England could win this test.
Your most attacking cricketer giving up hope with 2 days in hand, you’re a true pom now KP.
From there England played for a draw.
Strauss played like he was imitating Rahul Dravid, the new model.
Cook was ok, but the eye liner ran, and Martin snuck through a snorter.
KP missed a straight one from Vettori by a very long way.
Bell got a ripper, again from Martin, still wouldn’t let him date my sister, but he is bowling very well.
Collingwood looked miserable, and went out to Vettori’s surprise ball, the one that spins.
Next ball Ambrose padded up to Vettori’s stock ball, the straight one.
What does all this add up to, more boring and useless foreplay from the English batsman.
Ladies, if you’re gonna date an English cricketer, make sure it’s a bowler....
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