The only reason you'll need sunglasses at Lords this weekend

So, England's new kit. It is white. Not just white, but WHITE. Proper WHITE.
<p align="justify">White is sometimes associated with things that are good and pure. I once sang a piece which included the words "This sanctuary of my soul, Unwitting I keep white and whole". At the time I found the imagery a little offensive, I won't lie to you, but the piece redeemed itself by containing the line "with parted lips and outstretch'd hands".
<p align="justify">
The England's white kit, though, is wrong on many levels. Here is my XI (and believe me there's a 2nd, 3rd and 4th XI, and several youth teams as well) reasons why the white kit is wrong.
<p align="justify">1) It looks blue on TV. It's not just my telly; the cameras can't pick up the white properly.
<p align="justify">
2) The new non-woolly jumpers don't sit properly on the cricketers' asses. Solely in the name of research, I spent quite some time analysing this when watching the highlights last night, and, solely to ensure the scientific accuracy of the research, in the name of SCIENCE I used the example of Daniel Vettori's ass in a woollen jumper as the experimental control.
<p align="justify">
3) I don't want to think about the environmental processes involved in getting something that white.
<p align="justify">
4) Ditto the laundry processes in keeping something that white.
<p align="justify">
5) Such a stark white doesn't flatter the more pallid of the English complexions. It may look better if they pick up a bit of a tan, but that obviously depends on there actually being some daylight in England this summer. If they want to make the kit work right now, Panesar isn't enough - they should bring back Ramps.
<p align="justify">
6) The use of an unnatural fibre feels like a cruel, deliberate slap in the face of the wool industry, and specifically the New Zealand wool industry.
<p align="justify">
7) The print advert seems actively to blame the old kit for England's poorer performances. It states "The new England Test kit made with lightweight fabrics to allow maximum performance". Allow? Has maximum performance not been "allowed" before? And no, I haven't missed out an "is" or a colon from that quote.
<p align="justify">
8) I'm concerned that for fear of dirtying their new kit they might not throw themselves into the game with as much vigour.
<p align="justify">
9) The horror of the marketing meeting where the kit was proposed. I can just see a young chap in meeja glasses and directional trainers saying "I have an idea. It's a crazy one! Why not make the new kit … white?".
<p align="justify">
10) I fear that this is a slippery slope toward them wearing those Skins things that Michael Vaughan advertises.
<p align="justify">
11) They can go on all they like about superior wicking abilities, but I'd much rather hug someone who's wearing a woolly jumper.
...
www.cricketwithballs.com "Now with extra juicy Podcast"