clown make up and 50 odd overs

Being that I am now homeless, I get to stay at all my friends and families house.

Of course I am picky bastard, I only pick the ones that have pay TV.

Tonight that allowed me to watch the first day of the Sri Lanka England test.

How wonderful that was.

I got to see Monty doing his best Sgt Kabukiman impersonation, memo to all cricketers, white face paint is stupid, memo to all dark cricketers, white face paint applied badly looks like geisha make up.

England stated off with a couple of good balls from the 1977 gay porn star side bottom. Then he and the inverted Harmison took some dodgy decisions, but no one really cared, because everyone wanted to see Kumar and Mahela anyway.

Kumar and Mahela decided that runs are over rated. It’s a rare thing for batsmen to start playing for the light 8 minutes after lunch, but they managed to do so.

Mahela’s positive speech before the game really took effect as he and Kumar piled on the maidens with style. One nil is enough after all.

After the game went along, and along and along, Kumar hit a yawn up in the air off Harmison straight to Monty Kabukiman. After he took the catch, he ran in like he found the meaning of life in the outfield.

Perhaps the secret to life is white zinc, its worth looking into to.

At that stage the English turned, just for a moment they looked like they actually wanted to win the game, and with the runrate going backwards and Harmison bowling some spiking deliveries, a promising test looked likely.

Then it was stumps, after a massive 50 odd overs had been bowled.

For the first time in history the batting team were offered their sh1thouse run rate as a reason to go off. They took it.

50 odd overs, I sh1t you not.

If that was made common place, Shane Bond and Shoaib Ahktar could have great careers.

It all felt a little unsatisfying, although we did slip off to the nets at one stage for an hour to have a hit ourselves.

I bowled pretty quick at times, and my off spinners had Sime in trouble. Sime bowled really well and I spooned a bunch of balls towards imaginary cover fieldsman.

We seemed to only miss 20 odd runs.

Test cricket at its $exiest.www.cricketwithballs.com "the hooking & pulling specialists"